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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My MIL despite living 15 min drive away is always saying she wants to stay round

69 replies

Mmmmmmmchips · 21/10/2017 14:43

I get her or FIL don't drive, but we always drop them.

We have a 3 bed house.
The 2nd bedroom is my DS who is 7 and has a extendable Ikea bed, and the 3rd bedroom is a small box room where we have our clothes.
She would basically be sleeping in our bed and we'd have to sleep on a blow up mattress on DSs floor.
She has a 4 bedroom house BTW

OP posts:

NightTimeIhadaBrainChange · 21/10/2017 15:23

How bizarre!

What are they like in the mornings? I'm sure DS would love to take up the violin, on the proviso practise must be done at 7 whenever grandparents are staying!

FGS don't let DH build them a bedroom!

Original poster

Mmmmmmmchips · 21/10/2017 15:26

If the 3rd room was bigger I reckon they'd be here a few days a month at least

Seriously I don't get it

And I agree - I don't like anyone sleeping in my bed

OP posts:

Original poster

Mmmmmmmchips · 21/10/2017 15:30

My DH thinks it's a great idea - in fact once or twice we've argued about it!

I don't get why - they live 15 mins away

I need my own space!!! 😩

For sure if we suggested that we all move into one property they would agree.

OP posts:

diddl · 21/10/2017 15:30

Does your husband want you all to live together?

Why would he want them to stay?

Does he do all the fetching & dropping off?

Does he want to stay at theirs when you visit them?

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 21/10/2017 15:31

Op, do you think you may just have such a happy home that she would like to come and enjoy some it?

And you could give them the blow up bed.

Or do as the previous poster suggested.

Honestly its not a big deal and your son might just love having granny and grandad for a sleepover.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/10/2017 15:36

Oh no 😨 guests when you oh don’t need to have them as guests.

Floralnomad · 21/10/2017 15:37

It wouldn't suit me because I don't like having house guests , I find it very intrusive . Has she got friends who have children / grandchildren that live away so that they get to go and visit and stay and she simply wants to be able to say she goes to stay at her sons as well . It's the sort of thing my MIL would have come up with , but fortunately she hasn't spoken to me for 20 yrs . She used to come up with bizarre places she wanted to take our dc to purely because a friend had done it with their GC . ( she has never been alone / out with our dc )

CPtart · 21/10/2017 15:39

Mmmm. Alarm bells here. Have you had a serious conversation with your DH about his and their expectations as they age/when one is bereaved and left living alone?

ijustwannadance · 21/10/2017 15:51

Divorce is your only option. Before she ends up living with you!

Seriously though, why the hell would she even need to come and stay when her own home is so close by? What is the point. Especially for 2 weeks if you are away!

No bloody way would I build a new room above the garage. Thats giving her the green light to stay whenever she wants.

Tell you DH to go stay at her house if he wants to see her so much.

Cracklesfire · 21/10/2017 15:55

Don't do it! My FIL insisted on staying over anytime he came to visit despite being about 30 minute drive away. It was an excuse to stay up drinking til 5 & 6am because his DP would never have allowed it at her house. Didn't matter that I was working early in the morning, I'd get up to all the empties everywhere and the spare room a mess. It finally stopped when the spare room became a nursery. We've just moved to a bigger 4 bed and there's no way I'm letting it happen again.

Fishface77 · 21/10/2017 15:56

Stop it now.
Tell her that ooh no I like my own space thanks! Rinse and repeat!

honeylulu · 21/10/2017 16:00

Don't give up your bed or turf your son out! They can have the blow up bed in the lounge or nothing! FGS don't build them a bedroom - it sounds like they'd just move in.

Redhandle · 21/10/2017 16:00

I feel your pain! My MIL lives 30-40mins away and she is ALWAYS insinuating that she wants to stay the night, thank god I don't know how I've gotten away with it only happening twice in 4 years but the pressure from her is real. The funny thing is I wouldn't actually mind so much if in the morning she would just eat a bit of toast and then go home but no, both times she has confirmed my fears and I haven't gotten rid of her till lunchtime. Luckily DH seems to understand for the most part that I don't like it and I find it very very strange that a grown woman wants to come for what feels to me like sleepovers.

Goosegrass · 21/10/2017 16:04

I second finding out everybody’s long term expectations. That flat over the garage has disaster written all over it!

PerspicaciaTick · 21/10/2017 16:08

Does DS go around to their house for sleepovers? Or is the traffic all one way?

AnathemaPulsifer · 21/10/2017 16:16

Very occasionally you could compromise by moving your son's mattress into the box room and putting them on an air bed on his floor. Your DH does all the bed changing since he's so keen.

Why on earth should you give up your bed?! It's not even them having to drive home.

Original poster

Mmmmmmmchips · 21/10/2017 16:23

Redhandle
Eat a bit of toast and go

If my husband ever suggested i one of them live with us I would either say of course if one of my parents can too.

Otherwise would say yes they can but I'm leaving

OP posts:

gillybeanz · 21/10/2017 16:36

Do they think it's time to reciprocate as you lived with them for some time?
It's sounds like your dh is testing the ground for you all to live together.
Are you sure it's not a done deal already, it's your dh that's worrying me.
But, my dh isn't that close to his parents so I might be on the wrong track.

Discotits · 21/10/2017 17:31

Sounds like she just really likes it! I can see why it would be annoying tbh. Agree with pp, don’t build another room for them and don’t give them your bed and hopefully they’ll drop it.
My MIL stays over once a week, but I don’t mind so that’s different. She also minds my children whilst I’m popping out.

kuniloofdooksa · 21/10/2017 18:15

For the sake of a 15 minute drive, I would pay for their taxi home.

No way do they get your bed

QueenArseClangers · 21/10/2017 18:24

My DM lives a 2 minute drive/6 minute walk away.

She often stays over. The difference being that she's fucking marvellous!

In her 80s, reads the kids stories, plays 'camping' and pirates, forces us to get a takeaway at her expense, is wonderful company and DH has a closer relationship with her than his own mother.

So it's not always the geographical distance that decides the eligibility to sleep over but how close you are as family.
Think I should rent my DM out actually as super Nan/MIL

Anecdoche · 21/10/2017 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BenLui · 21/10/2017 18:32

Stop them visiting, always go to them. That way you gave your privacy and control over when to go home.

Otherwise stick them in an Uber.

My in laws rarely stay over and they live an hour away.

TheOneWithThePurpleWrapper · 21/10/2017 18:40

She often stays over

I stay over as well and I live equally as close to my children and grandchildren as your mum. Its just what we do. My grandchildren love having nana on a sleepover and my children, and I include my daughters and sons in law in that, seem to like having me around as well.

And all of the children have a bedroom and ensuite in their homes for when the time comes and a parent may need looked after.

Different people do different things. Its just the way it is.

TheCraicDealer · 21/10/2017 18:42

My parents are always on at us to let them stay- they live 15-20 mins away. It’s mostly because neither can socialise without taking a drink and they don’t want to pay for a cab the night of my last birthday they seriously wanted me to drive and collect them from their house so they only had to pay for a taxi one way. It was my birthday and it was a Tuesday night ffs, we were only having a bloody curry! I managed to talk them down, but there’s chat of Xmas at mine this year and I know they’ll insist they stay.

I wonder if part of this with your PIL is about wanting to be “looked after” as a guest, like she’s done her time running round after people and now it’s her turn. I think there can be a lot of that sort of attitude once some people get into their 60’s and their kids move out.

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