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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that this is too much pressure on a 4YO

60 replies

Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:02

DS is 4 soon to be 5. He started Y1 this year. One of the younger ones in his class, some class members are as much as 10months older.

He loves school, happy and energentic child who is full of love and wonder about the world.

Homework every night which he is very good about - enthusiastic even, numeracy and literacy on track.

He finds sitting still for long periods hard, have been told by school he is inattentive and other criticisms. Got to the point where DS was getting v demoralised with the continual criticism.

School is aware that he is on a waiting list for grommets.

His inattentiveness (as they put it) is partly due to temprament, maturity but partly not hearing.

Have been called to meetings and feel they are trying to pin a behavioural label to DS.. feel the writing is on the wall from the buzzwords they keep throwing at me.

2 months in and this already?

AIBU to be fuming and upset!? Scared a poor report will affect DSs chances of getting into another school.

OP posts:
Twitchingdog · 20/10/2017 20:09

Be very very thankful that school are flag ing this . Other school will had been in office and had him bad this list . They have been school half a term now . Take everything they offer with open hands .

Msqueen33 · 20/10/2017 20:15

Sorry I'm confused is he in reception? Or year 1?

I'd say inattentiveness is due to him being four. Good school are keeping an eye on it but a friend of mine found our school wanted her child to have all sorts of labels that weren't true including epilepsy (she saw a consultant and it was ruled out).

I wouldn't be fuming as such but just be mindful.

FeistyColl · 20/10/2017 20:15

I don't think any 4 year old should be "sitting still for long periods" but I'm confused by DS being in Y1? Aged 4 nearly 5 he should be in Reception shouldn't he?

Notreallyarsed · 20/10/2017 20:17

They need to understand that being on a list for grommets means he can’t hear properly just now and probably can’t keep up with what’s happening in class (DS2 just got his grommets and they’re a game changer!)

Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:18

Sorry we’re not in england, so perhaps a diff system.

It’s the first year of proper primary school anyway.

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 20/10/2017 20:19

Homework every night at 4?? Jesus

BarbarianMum · 20/10/2017 20:20

4 years old is very young for formal education even by British standards. But I'm not sure what you can do about it if that's the system where you live.

Ttbb · 20/10/2017 20:22

I know how you feel, similar position with my 3 year old who has just started nursery and the staff are already gearing up towards a mental health diagnosis because he won't always do as he is told (he's three and they are practically strangers to him ffs). They really do push children to hard in the UK, when I was four the most we were expected to sit still was the length of one story.

Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:23

He enjoys the homework, i guess its still a fun activity.

I only mention the homework because i feel that he is so game with it all, enthusiastic to show up. Making progress.

So can’t see the need to be coming down so hard and fast with the meetings and worriesome messages?

Never had any probs at nursery. He is energetic, but just feel the reaction is OTT and don’t want him to be put off by such a drastic reaction from school so early on.

OP posts:
FarceFace · 20/10/2017 20:25

Otoh, doesn’t the research show early intervention is best? I’d not go along with the pressure, but any extra attention for your dc is no bad thing, as long as it is constructive. I’ve never heard of 4 yos having homework every day...

sakura06 · 20/10/2017 20:25

Homework every night at 4 sounds horrendous. My DD is in Year 2 (6-7) and they’ve only just started to sit at a desk for longer periods.

Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:27

Ttbb, it’s frustrating and upsetting. You want to have confidence in the judgement those looking after your child either.

OP posts:
deste · 20/10/2017 20:27

If it’s Scotland they have one intake a year. Cut off is 5 by the end of February. So as OP has said, others in the class can be 5 and a half as was the case with my DS.

FeistyColl · 20/10/2017 20:29

Sounds like you are in an incredibly formal system. I wouldn't be happy. From what you have said, their expectations are not developmentally well matched to children's age. I would expect them to take into account your DS's age as well as his hearing loss which will have a major impact. Much more so than many people realise. I would be talking to staff and raising my concerns - does your school have an SEN policy?

Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:29

The homework is less of an issue. Its only about 10 mins per night and I’m not religious with it.. Wink

But intervention should be for if its necessary surely. I dunno..

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:30

deste, Yes that’s us

OP posts:
FeistyColl · 20/10/2017 20:34

I mention SEN because of hearing loss - they should be making suitable provision and assessing DS on that basis.

FeistyColl · 20/10/2017 20:37

Does your OP mean that they have dismissed his hearing loss as a reason for 'inattentiveness'?

FarceFace · 20/10/2017 20:41

You do have to trust the judgment of the educators though, surely? My dd is a dreamer and inattentive at times m, she’s much older and teachers have never sought intervention so there must be more to it than that.

Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:48

I'm not sure what SEN is? I haven't heard of it before.

No, they haven't "dismissed it". But they also haven't let up on the scrutiny. Does that make sense?

I guess it all comes down to the teacher, doesn't it really? They haven't intervened as such, unless you count meetings as an intervention? But I feel it could be going that way.

I do trust them and am fully cooperating. Perhaps I should have rephrased Farce.

I feel that what is fairly minor/normal stuff is snowballing. We all want the best for our kids at the end of the day and it's never a nice feeling to be hen pecked 2 months into a new environment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangryhangryhrmm · 20/10/2017 20:50

not to mention, stressful getting messaged at work 40 miles away about stuff that should be dealt with then and there.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 20/10/2017 20:53

Sounds like my nearly 6 year old was then.

His school saw that sort of behaviour and decided it was down to him physically not being ready to sit still. They put him on a program with a small group which involved loads of physical balance practicing things. He LOVED IT. And there has also been a noticeable improvement in his ability to pay attention, sit, write etc. How much of that is down to intervention and how much down to being a bit older is anyone’s guess though!

Imaginosity · 20/10/2017 20:54

My child's aspergers only became apparent in his first year in school. I'm not saying your child has aspergers but I would be open to what the school are saying. They see a lot of children the same age as your child - and they see how they act in comparison to other children the same age. Your son is young but they have seen many other children his age through the years and there is something about his behaviour that is standing out a bit. If he has no issues other than the grommets and immaturity then he won't be diagnosed with anything - and if he does have any issues this will lead to help to make things easier for him.

SleepFreeZone · 20/10/2017 21:01

We have homework every night at 4 too. Thankfully DS enjoys it.

We've just had a mini parents afternoon and a report and my son hadn't done too well either. He has a tendency to disengage if things are too difficult and lay on the floor. He has been assessed by a paediatrician and they were happy he was NT. He just doesn't want to do as he is asked basically, everything on his own terms.

We are having a meeting next month with his teacher and the SENCO to try and strategise the best way of dealing with him. My concern is how he will fare next September when school becomes less play based.

Is the SENCO involved with your son?

FeistyColl · 20/10/2017 21:11

SEN is special educational needs. Lots of people get stressed at the mere mention of it. It simply refers to the many many factors that might make learning more difficult for a child. These things might be temporary or last longer or even be life-long. Having a hearing loss makes learning more difficult - even a simple, glue-ear type intermittent loss. Hopefully they are really on the ball and are super alert to his hearing and keeping a close eye on things. It is possible that they have observed something that makes them think there might be more going on - I obviously have no idea. If they keep you informed that sounds like a good thing. But I would make sure that they really do understand how great the impact that glue ear can have. And they need to be aware that once the grommets are fitted that doesn't mean that the challenges instantly disappear.

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