DH behaviour and holiday

[Freddofrog1983]

I am going on holiday tomorrow to Yorkshire and I have packed everything for myself and 3 children and washed and dried my husband’s clothes ready for him to pack. I have also packed all of the extras such as food etc. My husband was in a mood last night and again this morning and come home like it.

I have had enough he has spent 3 hours cleaning his car but he has stormed out 3 times in a mood and I just don’t want to go. He is currently out now while I’m trying to sort the kids out and sort out any last minute bits. He stormed out this time because he cane in moaning that the kids were not in their pjs and said he was the only one who does anything. I saw red and said who do you think has sorted everything out? He only had to put it in the car.

I’m fed up of living with his mood swings and walking on egg shells around his moods. I keep questioning what I have done wrong but I haven’t done anything. I was so looking forward to going and not feel so despondent. When I went to pick the children up from school I asked him to put the clothes in the drier from the washing machine and when I got back he had put them into a washing basket but not into the drier so I sorted mine and the children’s clothes out and have left his in the basket as his reason was he forgot and he was looking after the toddler. He thinks he can talk to me how he likes. He told me to fuck off when he went out before as he closed the door, now I’m sat here not knowing what’s going on.

That sounds utterly miserable OP
I couldn't stand walking on eggshells all the time not knowing what mood he was going to be in. I work with someone like that and it is exhausting.
First, don't respond to his goading comments. He is perfectly capable of putting pyjamas on the children if he wants. Keep calm and silent, walk away to another room if necessary. He is spoiling for a fight. Don't give him one.
Don't arrange or dry anything else for him or pack any of his things.
I wouldn't go on the holiday with him. It will be shit and depressing. I would rather go alone with the kids -if he doesn't bother sorting his shit out, just pack up and leave with them tomorrow morning. If he gets up to go, you need to tell him calmly that you will not be going with him while he is behaving like this.
You need to decide what to do OP. I just couldn't live like that. He is cruel and angry and I wouldn't want that negativity around the children. He obviously isn't happy and things need to change.

I’m going to try and get some sleep, so tired and emotionally drained. Thanks for all of the posts. I’m answer to why I’m with him, I suppose the fear of being on my own. I have no other family. My mum and dad are dead and no siblings.

Oh OP
Try and get some sleep. Don't be frightened of being alone -you don't need to be, honestly. Rather alone than with a narc bully.

Where did the pillock go and boo-hoo then ?

Don’t know where he went, probably just drove around. He always just goes out to drive when he is like this but what gets to me is how he can just up and leave when it suits such as tea time tonight.

Do you think there might be something else going on here, some reason why he wants to push you to argue with him?

My ex-h used to try and manufacture arguments by being a twat like this - turns out he was having an affair and wanted to leave me - he figured that if I threw him out, he wouldn't look like the bad guy.....

What would he do if you took the car keys and fucked off for a few hours yourself ?

This is no way to live Freddo, treading on egg shells, not knowing if you're coming or going, I really feel for you. Unfortunately, this is something that you cannot kiss better, it's in him, he's a Jekyl and Hyde character. I would seriously consider a life without him.

He would probably crap himself if you disappeared with the children to have your holiday without the person hell bent on spoiling it. He's a bully. They make you scared and afraid of being without them, because they actually know you are better off without them.

I used to talk to myself and have angry conversations. I didn't realise I was saying it out loud until my mum told me. It was a constant radio static of negativity spiraling in my head. It stopped when I started taking anti-depressents.

He told you to fuck off so do! Take the clothes and food you've packed for yourself and the kids and go with the children and not him. Tell him you need a bit of time away to reflect and see if you want to carry on with this marriage and all the nastiness.

Are you ok OP?

He sounds like my ex. Note: ex.

Used to get in a paddy over nothing eg once sulked for THREE DAYS and wouldn't speak to me because I washed his sports kit with fabric conditioner. Oh and there was the time he got in a massive strop because I decided to go out instead of doing the washing up (a one off - I did most of the housework and house was clean/tidy. I just fancied a day off on this occasion).

So I understand how you feel op, and how awful it is. Personally I think you should tell him to jog on permanently if he's like this all the time and not doing anything about it. Honestly, you'll be so much happier not walking on eggshells and being at the mercy of his pathetic mood swings.

My xh once sulked for hours because I was driving us into town and I refused to do a reckless manoeuvre which would have involved me overtaking a double decker bus at a bus stop plus a queue of about six cars behind it. No visibility to do this. The dcs were in the car, I could have written us all off.

The twat just looked for opportunities to pick fights with me. It was exhausting as I am a pretty reasonable person and didn't give him many grounds to argue. Turned out he was having an affair.

Sounds like depression so this the bit that's through thick and thin good and bad times get help together and don't give up if he is basically a good dad. We went through this and dh changed jobs massive difference !