To take (some of) my daughters money?

[Secretsthatnevershouldbetold]

She thinks I am very unreasonable. I think it is fair. Obviously we are both convinced we are right.

Basically - she is 14 and does lots of extra curricular activities - including dance and drama. It is expensive. Every in addition to class fees, exam fees, costumes, paying to whizz her across the country and stay for a few days while she performs, I have to pay about £100 for her to be in Spotlight (sort of an acting catalogue) and get professional photos done for it. She gets maybe half a dozen or so parts as an extra each year. I have said I think it would be fair if she gave me 10% of her earnings to put towards the Spotlight fee. Each time she gets on set she gets paid £30-35 so it would be £3-3.50 of that. My reasoning is that if it is something she really wants to do then she should be prepared to contribute. If she should happen to earn enough in a year to pay the whole fee then that would be it for the year - it is just the fee I think she should contribute to.

She thinks I am almost evil, and definitely unreasonable. I am convinced I am not. Obviously.

I think it's a bit like a teen asking their Mum to buy ingredients to bake cupcakes and then selling them a pound a piece to make some money, without contributing to the initial ingredient cost.

It's not right.

I think I you're absolutely right to take the money, probably more than 10% as well. I think she should pay for the Spotlight fee herself. You are providing her with extracurricular activities, free transport, accomodation and everything else, so what does she need the money for? I would take a chunk of it and save it on her behalf (after paying the spotlight fee!). She will thank you when she's older and starting out on her independent life, and you hand over a lump of money invested from her earnings.

Their talent agent already takes a percentage. Whilst she can't control what parents do, she is very clear that money earned by children is theirs, for their future, and is not for offsetting the costs of drama classes, spotlight fees, headshots etc.

Is that anything to do with the fact her percentage is based on money earned after costs, per chance?

Her age is irrelevant. She is working and earning money, and presumably her agent deducts their fee before paying her earnings to her. She has to be in Spotlight in order to get some of that work. So, like the agent's fees, the Spotlight fee is an expense directly associated with what she earns and should come out of her money too.

When I turned 15 I went to an acting class after school and mum made me pay for it. It taught me how the world worked and that I wouldn't be getting anything for free.

Tell her she does as you say, or she won't be featured in Spotlight. Her choice. I don't think it is at all unreasonable for her income to offset some of the costs.

YANBU even if you can easily afford it, (and let's face it, this is only around 20 pounds, and it's really very little compared to the other costs involved!) but it's an excellent parenting decision; you're teaching your daughter a valuable lesson in life. It will make her think about the fees compared to the benefits and hopefully it will help her take responsibility for future decisions.

I expected there to be mixed opinions on this, as we all view money very differently. We do make considerable sacrifices for her to pursue her dreams, and I am happy that that is a choice we have made.

I just somehow view Spotlight a bit differently. It isn't really even about the money (she is likely to contribute less than half the cost of subscribing her after all) more about the principle that if you really want something you should be prepared to contribute. She gets a lot handed to her on a plate - and I am extremely proud of her hard work and dedication, so that isn't an attempt to "do her down". Just an acknowledgement that when other parents of her dancing and acting peers say "You can only do 2 festivals/3 solos/2 exams" I am willing to scrape about to find the money for her to stretch and challenge herself without much argument. But I think there comes a point where she has to show she wants to do these things enough that she is prepared to contribute. And I think Spotlight, which is the aspect which enables her to earn money, should be the thing she is willing to contribute to.

I guess I don't really look at is as " me taking her money" - although I did phrase it like that in my OP. I look at it more as she is saving a portion of her money to pay for the next subscription - on the understanding that if she doesn't have enough money when she needs to pay it then I will happily top it up as long as she has saved that money. It just doesn't seem a big enough amount to set up a separate savings account for.

Out of interest - people who would never take money off their child - would they also never expect their child to use their own money for something extra that they want to do? Cos that is really what I am doing...

PS - I don't chaperone her - her drama teacher is also her agent and she or her husband act as her chaperone normally. The travelling I do is generally dance related or for auditions.

Nikki isn't a parent

What relevance is that? I cant have an opinion on a parent willing signing a child up to spotlight and then charging her for it?

It is extras work she is getting half a dozen times a year for £30 each. Not proper roles in tv shows or commercials. The spotlight fee is half of the earnings she makes in year. Why are you even bothering?

• bothering to leave her in spotlight for the fe to be half what she is making?

*few

*fee.

God this bloody phone!

Because one day she might get offered a bigger part, and that will never happen if she is not in Spotlight?

It’s an odd one... You can see it from the pov of any other business set up by children funded by parents, or from the extra curricular club side.

No, Longines, the agent's fee comes off the total earnings for the job. So if a job pays £100, she takes her 15% and the £85 is paid to the child. What parents do with that £85 doesn't impact her earnings at all, but she feels very strongly that the money children earn us theirs and if parents want the children to undertake paid acting work they should pay the associated costs - all benefits, be that saved earnings or an established career, should benefit the child in the future.

I suppose I see it as similar to paying a tutor to maximise a child's future earning potential - you wouldn't ask for tutelage fees, petrol for schlepping to sessions, etc, back from the child when they get a well paid job at the end. It's your job as a parent to set your children up as best you can manage and afford for their future. This is just part of it, if acting is what your child wants to do.

I don't really see what business it is of the agents, Welsh?

I think the point Longines was making was that the Agent only gets precious about it being THE CHILD'S money and untouchable AFTER they have taken their cut. An obvious point, but slightly ironic...

YANBU

DD has a lot of dance lessinsb. If she wants to do extra classes I make her pay for some of them.

I want her to understand the concept of how much dancing costs so that she understands it’s a privilege and to appreciate them. I also want her to learn how to choose between what you want versus what you can afford.

She has always said it was fair. I think your DD should contribute too.

• lessons not ‘lessinsb’

YABU

I wouldn't take the money off such a young teen.

I'm on the fence with this as the amount it must cost pa & you're quibbling about £100?

YANBU. Its not really taking money off her it's expecting her to use her own money to pay a percentage of the fee. People wouldn't be objecting (i hope) if you were asking her to use her own money to buy herself a computer game or something.