To take (some of) my daughters money?

[Secretsthatnevershouldbetold]

She thinks I am very unreasonable. I think it is fair. Obviously we are both convinced we are right.

Basically - she is 14 and does lots of extra curricular activities - including dance and drama. It is expensive. Every in addition to class fees, exam fees, costumes, paying to whizz her across the country and stay for a few days while she performs, I have to pay about £100 for her to be in Spotlight (sort of an acting catalogue) and get professional photos done for it. She gets maybe half a dozen or so parts as an extra each year. I have said I think it would be fair if she gave me 10% of her earnings to put towards the Spotlight fee. Each time she gets on set she gets paid £30-35 so it would be £3-3.50 of that. My reasoning is that if it is something she really wants to do then she should be prepared to contribute. If she should happen to earn enough in a year to pay the whole fee then that would be it for the year - it is just the fee I think she should contribute to.

She thinks I am almost evil, and definitely unreasonable. I am convinced I am not. Obviously.

YANBU. And I usually take the opposite view on the issue of parents taking earnings/keep from a child still in education.

You are doing a lot for your daughter.

I hope she contributes in kind when it comes to housework.

Wow. You sound lovely. It can only be to her advantage if you introduce her to the real world. As someone else has said, she will fit in very well with the entertainment industry. Ten per cent is not unreasonable at all, is it? As I said, you sound like a great parent.

If she's earning then she should be paying to get to the job. If she were mine she would be and I'm considered by many to be too soft on my DDs.

Do you not get a chaperone fee to accompany her for extra work?

I’d give her the choice. 10% or you deduct the full costs from her earnings before she gets to see a penny. I’m sure she’ll prefer the 10%.

Nicki - I do see what you are saying. But I am not talking about her paying for all the activities. Just spotlight. Which is something she wants to do and which earns her money...

I would not take money from her. She's still a child.

YANBU to want her to pay 10% up to the total cost of listing herself in Spotlight. She needs to learn how businesses work - if there's an overhead like this it reduces your total profit.

You're not complaining about the cost of all the classes, petrol, hotels... you just want her to pay back the subscription that enables her to get the jobs. Would she rather you stop paying it?

Stop paying it

6 extras jobs a year at £30-£35. Hardly worth it for that amount and quality of work.

So your earnings have to pay for Spotlight, while her earnings - which she gets as a result of Spotlight - don't?

No. She has to realise that there are costs involved in her working and she should be helping to meet those costs.

It's a tricky one for me. I personally don't think I could take money off my child, but I'm a bit of a soft arse. At 14 I was working and either walking or getting the bus there, so perhaps ask her to contribute to petrol costs if you're driving or tell her to make her own way there?

I couldn't take money from a child who is still at school. If you disagreed with Spotlight why sign her up then complain about it?

But the OP isn't taking the money off her daughter. She's putting it towards the fee. It's not like she's profiting in any way. She's not buying designer clothes or booking holidays with the maximum £100 a year her daughter gives her!

YANBU.

Nikki isn't a parent

At 14 she really won't understand how the world works with money - you need to be taking 10% towards advertising costs and 50% or remainder save towards future career. The rest I would let her have as pocket money but I would want it spent on sensible things or it would all be going into the savings account

She averages about £200 a year from it. If she earns that average you want her to pay around £20 towards the fee up to an absolute maximum of the £100 cost if she has an incredibly good year (which would also be incredibly expensive for you due to other costs. You pay petrol, you pay hotels...

I'm astonished that so many parents don't think she should contribute money she only has because of your efforts towards a small proportion of your costs.

Very, very reasonable, and a gentle object lesson in the costs associated with these activities and by extension a career in it if she chooses to pursue it.

I don't think that's unreasonable, assuming you're not a filthy rich person on footballers' wages who could very easily subsidise this. I'm guessing you're not or you wouldn't be asking.

I think if she's putting herself forward for paid jobs, and enjoying them, then 10% of her fees towards the expense of her getting these jobs is perfectly reasonable, and will start to teach her about the world she's getting into.

(You will also be the most popular Stage Mum with all future theatrical agents, for having trained her young into knowing there's a cost to her getting jobs.)

Shit yanbu. If this is costing YOU money and she is earning it, then yes she should be happy that you take a “commission” Welcome to the real world!

YANBU, she's extremely fortunate to have parents who are willing and able to pay and ferry her around for a bunch of extracurricular activities. many kids I knew (myself included) were never able to do any due to money constraints and our parents lack of time/other siblings to take care of.
Whizzing across the country while she performs ?? And she wants to complain about helping cover the costs? Time for a reality check.

YANBU, if it’s something she’s serious about she needs to learn sacrifices have to be made and you’ve clearly paid so much out already on numerous things. It can only serve as a positive asking her to contribute.

I would not. And do not, as my children undertake similar activities. Their talent agent already takes a percentage. Whilst she can't control what parents do, she is very clear that money earned by children is theirs, for their future, and is not for offsetting the costs of drama classes, spotlight fees, headshots etc. If you want your children to do these activities, you as the parent cover the cost.

My children forego other EC activities so I can pay for drama, and to me that includes Spotlight fees and associated costs of pursuing paid acting work as well as theatrical show fees and classes. All their money is saved. My chaperone fees go on handbags.

I'm afraid I disagree with the majority, and think you are BU.

Firstly, as a PP said, she can only do all these activities with your blessing because you pay for them and transport her there, etc.

Secondly, we all do stuff for our kids. That's what being a parent means. Any parents who's stood shivering beside a football/hockey/rugby pitch does it.

Thirdly, presumably if your DD is jetting off for her shows and performances and paid work, she can't do what other kids her age do to earn money (babysitting, shop work, waitressing, etc). It's expensive being a teen. If you feel she's earning a lot, then insist she saves some. She'll be grateful when she goes to college or stage school.

But I don't think it's your money to take, and I don't think you should take it. I do accept I'm in a minority on this thread, though.

If she wants to be listed in Spotlight then it's perfectly fair that she pays for it. You wouldn't be taking 10% for yourself just putting it to one side to pay the annual fee (that you know you will have to top up). She really is lucky to have parents who can and will support her.