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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this isn't a thing a lot of people would do

92 replies

earlyrisingmum · 19/10/2017 19:57

It's my DM 50th tomorrow. Her and DF fly to Amsterdam. My plans at the weekend were to spend Saturday with Dsis so she could see my DS too.

I got a phone call from Dsis tonight asking if I could find out what hotel they are staying at. I said why and she was like oh me and DP have booked flights to Amsterdam and going to surprise them on the Saturday. We just need to know what hotel. She was like oh yea sorry I can't see you. She blamed her DP and said It was his idea and that he booked it and she thought he was joking when he mentioned it.

I feel upset because 1.) I've been left out by these two again. I could have gone too if I had notice they were doing this. 2.) I'm a single parent so not having plans at the weekend is lonely so I make sure to plan. It's been a very bad week and so seeing my D'S was needed. 3.) This isn't the first time I've been left out and I feel it's more my Dsis partner likes to push me out of plans. Them 4 and my Dsis partners dad goes out together a lot and I don't get an invite. It's like he's jealous and likes to be just the 4 of them and his dad.

I know when they come back I won't stop hearing how much fun it was. Is it normal for him to book to go to Amsterdam 1 day before my parents go on a whim. Or do you think this was preplanned? I just feel so sad that I can't be there for her 50th and the 4 of them will be together and I'm alone looking after my parents ill dog. I know this isn't my parents fault as they don't know this is what my Dsis is planning.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 19/10/2017 20:52

so they planned a special getaway... and everyone they wish to getaway from.. gatecrashes... fecking rude OP {flowers]

Butteredparsn1ps · 19/10/2017 20:55

Firstly OP what can you salvage for your weekend?

It's half-term many places next week and although your DS is young, it means lots of places have extra children's activities on. Could you have a nice day out somewhere?

Secondly, much as I love my Children, I wouldn't want them gatecrashing a rare weekend alone with DH... so I think your SIS and her DP have got this really wrong.

Doramaybe · 19/10/2017 21:00

Once again, sigh

How do YOU know the hotel details and sis doesn't? I can guess, but I wouldn't be so rude as to say why.

And again, if sis and DP are telling the truth here, I would send off a text pronto to Mum and Dad about their plans.

You all can have a little celebration for the 50th another day surely.

Be bold, be bad, cut them off at the breach, your parents will thank you for it.

I couldn't think of anything worse than being gatecrashed like that. Some people have no sense of others' personal space at all.

Original poster
earlyrisingmum · 19/10/2017 21:24

dozer I guess because I get lonely some company is better than none. And also when it's just my Dsis and me it's not too bad. Add my parents and her DP into it and it all changes.

I haven't told her the hotel because I don't know it myself and I'm not asking DM. I'm worried if I tell my parents ill be shooting myself in the foot and it might backfire on me. I may just dig a bit and see what plans they have. She did mention wanting to try a coffee shop as she hadnt before and they are staying near the red light district and she said she wanted to see what it was about so it may be awkward them gatecrashing!

dora I wouldn't mind you saying why you think that. I'd be happy to hear your opinion

OP posts:
Original poster
earlyrisingmum · 19/10/2017 21:31

dora oh I see what your saying now sorry. I don't actually know the hotel details. My Dsis wanted me to get the info from our DM

OP posts:
Countduckulanose · 19/10/2017 21:31

I know someone who flew out to surprise her parents on holiday. She videoed herself rocking up to the café where they were sat and shouted 'surprriiiise!'. They had faces like thunder 😬, they were clearly not impressed.

Sashkin · 19/10/2017 21:37

If your DSis’s DP loves your family so much that he wants to gatecrash their holidays, he has a screw loose. Really. It’s fucking stalker behaviour. If it’s actually coming from your DSis she still needs to cut the apron strings, but some unrelated boyfriend following them around Europe is weird and creepy.

You know those threads where somebody’s MIL pops up on their honeymoon? This is like that, but without the excuse of senility.

Original poster
earlyrisingmum · 19/10/2017 21:51

sash this made me laugh out loud! He is a bit odd! My parents came back from a long holiday not long ago and my Dsis told me that he said "I've missed your parent, I can't wait until they are back". Even she said it was odd and laughed!

And it is like one of them threads! Grin

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 19/10/2017 21:54

I hope your DM went to ROME Grin

Doramaybe · 19/10/2017 22:06

OP,

Why doesn't sis ask parents herself? I suppose that would spoil the missile of them arriving unnanounced, Hi de Hi!

Stay out of it. Let sis and DP organise their own hijack. It is not your problem. Surely they can find out themselves.

You sound lovely. Do not let sis change that.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 19/10/2017 22:28

DH and I celebrated his 60th together in Spain this month. DSS and DS were not invited. We had a family meal before we went, and are taking DS away this weekend. I would have not been impressed if the boys had rocked up at our hotel, it would have changed the nature of the holiday from romantic get away to family holiday, which we have every year anyway. It doesn't mean we don't love them dearly, just that it's a novelty to have a week away just us.

TitaniasCloset · 19/10/2017 23:52

I need to know how this thread will end. Your dm reaction when dsis just strolls up Grin

Plan something nice for yourself this weekend too.

pigeondujour · 20/10/2017 00:06

Does your sister think people lose all thoughts of sex and romance at 50?! I know it's not pleasant to think that one's parents have sex but Jesus, she'd want to grow up a bit.

Not to mention I can't comprehend the arrogance of believing you'll be utterly welcome on someone else's, anyone else's, holiday.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2017 00:32

One thing is clear, your sister wants EVERYTHING to be about her! Even her own mother's birthday! Christ on a bike, what an asshole. I wouldn't tell her where they're staying if I were you. Honestly, this is so rude and obnoxious I can hardly believe it.

ChasedByBees · 20/10/2017 00:41

I'm also intrigued to know what the reaction will be like.

OP, are there any museums near you? You could have a nice quiet weekend and try and make the best of it. I do think you should talk to your parents about feeling left out. They've not had anything to do with this instance, of course.

Graphista · 20/10/2017 00:46

Wow! I'm only 5 years younger than the birthday parent, and my sex life is far from over, and it sounds like they're planning an 'adventurous' weekend.

If my dd and her dp gatecrashed (and by the sound of it sis and her dp will expect to join them for meals and excursions too!) I'd be livid!!

Tell her it's a swingers hotel!

Willow2017 · 20/10/2017 00:50

Its nothing to do with your sis or her self important dp.

I would be furious if a holiday of mine were gatecrashed by anyone.

Tell her not to be so damm selfish, if DM had wanted a family holiday she would have said so point out the clue is in the fact they went off alone.

enceladus · 20/10/2017 01:07

stay well out of it, that is not a welcome surprise for your parents!

HeebieJeebies456 · 20/10/2017 01:53

i think her dp must have the hots for your mum - or dad!

oh....your sister isn't 'innocent' in any of this.
She chooses to leave you out because it suits her to have all the 'attention' on her.

Temporary2002 · 20/10/2017 04:11

I would tell my mum what sister planned. Because I'd be annoyed and disappointed to have somebody gatecrash my birthday trip away with dh. Your mum may appreciate the chance to tell them they were not invited.

Cavender · 20/10/2017 04:27

My PILs turned up to surprise us once on holiday.

I was polite furious

emmyrose2000 · 20/10/2017 04:33

My DM likes to not tip the boat with Dsis as she can be volatile and doesn't like to argue with her

Hence why sister keeps acting like a brat. She's continually been allowed to get away with it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/10/2017 05:00

Please tell your mother. She can at least do something about the situation.

beingsunny · 20/10/2017 05:13

My parents would be thrilled if me or any of my sisters joined them on a break like this.

It sounds like you are just envious, it’s not that big a deal just make other plans,

AdalindSchade · 20/10/2017 05:19

I don't think you should be jealous of not being part of this insane plan. Yes they will spend the weekend together but I doubt your parents will have fond memories of the time their bratty daughter and her weird partner gatecrashed their romantic mini break!

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