School contributions!

[Redhandle]

I've had to name change because this will out me if people read my other threads but I am a long standing member I'm sorry in advance as this will be long...

My DD goes to a faith school, and they only receive 90% of the funding that other schools do. I'm a good member of the community and I do my best to help out where I can. In this community majority of families are in their mid to late thirties, well established and have good and well paying jobs or have had enough years to make themselves comfortable. Me and DH on the other hand are a very very small minority in that I suppose we were on the way to that but we fell pregnant when I was in my early 20s, it wasn't planned, we had very little saved but we're determined to soldier on. Now 5 years later we own our own house, I work a few hours around school whilst my DH works incredibly hard in a career that is extremely demanding but financially incredibly rewarding and I am so proud of what we have achieved together. Now this isn't to say that we are extremely comfortable by any means, we pay all our bills, have paid off a few credit cards that we accumulated over the years that at the time we would have drowned without and are FINALLY now able to start properly saving properly and have another baby on the way.

My DDs school is relentless in asking for money and I am absolutely sick of it, they had a wealthy contributor who made up majority of the money that they lose out on BUT due to their poor choices that many people including myself were very unhappy with they lost them and now we as parents are being asked to contribute the recommended amount of £85 a month. I don't have a spare £85 a month which they just don't seem to understand. I have had calls at 9:00pm to ask why we are not currently contributing and I have just received an email (that everyone has received) stating that they are dissappointed with the parents who are still not contributing anything. I said to DH I think maybe the answer is we should contribute like £20 a month or something like that but he in my opinion quite rightly stated that there were several school meetings before they lost the contributor where parents were raising worries with the changes they were making and they ignored it and actually my husband stood up at one of these meetings and said this. He also thinks that if we contribute a fraction we will just continue to receive more demands as it isn't the amount they want. I don't know what to do? I'm so scared people will find out we aren't contributing because majority do and actually actively are so rude about parents that aren't in front of me as they don't think I'm one of them and I admit I'm a complete coward but then I don't want people to know my financial situation.
AIBU?

This sounds absolutely awful!

Were they clear there would be an expectation before you accepted the school place?

I would write a letter stating your position and also be very honest about your opinion about this contributor who pulled out. Then ask them to stop harrassing you. If you were happy you could state that you'll contribute what you can, when you can but that delends on whether you are actuslly happy to do that.

Anyone else desperate to know which religion this is??

Me calzone

Me too calzone

If the school has a shortfall in funding, and you want your child to go there, then the money has to come from somewhere, be that a sponsor, the parents or fundraising.

Why don't you offer to coordinate a fundraising activity to help make up the shortfall? Presumably the other parents are happy to pay the fee each month to avoid fundraising activities. Our school offers parents the option to 'opt out' of fundraising by paying an annual fee, and you won't get home letters about pie drives, lamington drives, fundraising chocolate, raffle tickets, etc. Many parents are quite happy to pay to not have to worry about the faff of fundraising, and it's likely the parents at the OPs school are of the same mind.

Calzone and lonerica if you can't figure out which religious group are at an increased need for security well, I wish I lived in your world.

redhandle the amount they are asking for sounds about the same as most schools but it's absolutely about the fact that they're making you feel uncomfortable with it and feel under pressure. Believe me, those who don't want to pay won't be losing a moments sleep over it. I think the amount they're asking for is fine but it's the assumption that everyone can afford this and if they're not paying it's because they don't want to rather than because they can't which is really grating.

I know people who can't pay and they've all politely let the school know that they won't be making regular contributions or that they can only offer say, £20 this year, and they hope that the school understand and it's absolutely not a problem.

Where its a problem is when the parents who won't contribute then start jumping up and down and complain that certain aspects of the religious curriculum which have always happened don't happen because of cost and they can't get their head around that it's because of finance and they're always quick to complain if they don't think that the security is up to scratch

The only faith schools round here are RC. I'm guessing Muslim or Jewish (Do Jewish schools even exist?)

What Catkind said.

You chose to send your child to a school which you knew relied upon private donations to make up a shortfall in the budget. Fortunately for you and all the other parents, the school had a wealthy benefactor who was willing and able to make up that shortfall. Now the benefactor has removed themselves from that role, the school is asking the parents for the money. If you, or anyone, chooses to send their children to a school which is always going to need such a significant amount of its budget covered by parents, I would be surprised if that was not made clear when you apply for a place. I think you and the school are very fortunate to have had the benefit of this money for so long, but now the parents have to step up.
If you have a real problem with the ability to pay, you must talk to them but be prepared they will probably ask to see evidence of income etc and they may disagree with your assessment of your financial situation.

Do find out if they are a registered charity. I work for a charity and if we did our fundraising like this (we can't it is regulated) would be hauled over the coals.

It's a Jewish school.

There was no need to be so rude either Albus.

Jewish schools I know of have security guards, cctv, all staff cars parked securely so no bombs can be attached. Sad but necessary. I know of a Jewish nursery that takes those precautions.

Faith schools get the same funding as per the formula as other local schools. Voluntary aided ones have to pay 10% of any capital costs like building works but that’s it. Not overall spending. :-/

I really didn't know this. I have had a quick google and there are no Jewish schools in our county. The nearest one is in the next county. There are very few in the north of England where I live. I assume the remark about not knowing comes from a poster who lives in or near London.

Do you know it is illegal to deprive a child of any school activity because of the parents inability to pay?
That asking for money from parents is about asking for donations not mandatory contributions (again, that would be illegal)
Finally who is making all these late night phone calls? Schools hold data on pupils & there parents but the use of that data is controlled, read their policy on it and complain to the information commission if they are abusing the information they hold to harass you for money (I suspect they are)

Well said, StripeyDeckchair

Obvious question: have any attempts been made to find another benefactor to make up the shortfall ... or are they saving the effort by harassing parents for the money instead?

And again, if a religion - any religion - wishes to run a school, why can't the necessary additional funds be found from that church's collective money?

It’s a Jewish or Hindu school as they often have additional security and extras that other faith schools don’t have (or need). For example most Hindu schools I know of require kids to learn how to cook, do yoga, and have mandatory trips to specific London based temples for religious functions.

I find it sad and shocking that any school needs such high levels of security.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/30/amber-rudd-pledges-134million-guard-every-jewish-school-college/

Attacks on Jewish schools have increased enormously over the last few years :(

There are plenty of orthodox jewish schools around North London. I used to work down the road from one that had massive security gates. Caused a nightmare with the traffic at drop off and pick up. But unfortunately I get why they're needed :(

I think you have to be brave and take the bull by the horns. Ignoring this and ducking phone calls won't make them go away.
I suggest you and dh write a letter to the school, reminding them that you were unhappy with the way they conducted themselves prior to losing their donor and that in your opinion they have brought this situation on themselves. With that in mind, you do not intend to contribute to cover the cost of their actions, you will view further pressure as harrassment and will take appropriate action.
Then be brave with the parents. Tell them why you object to this and be honest about not having this level of disposable income to throw away.

I think being upfront is your best course of action.

I don't think albus was being rude.

OP I wouldn't be happy about being harassed regardless of time of day. I don't know anything about religious schools, but if you're not paying the voluntary contributions simply because you can't afford it then speak to the school finance office as a pp said.
If it's more than that e.g. the changes they made that you, other parents and the previous benefactor aren't happy with, then perhaps a letter focussing on that would be more appropriate.
Unfortunately it seems there's no good answer. You're happy with the school, education and security they provide for your child, but it seems can't afford what they want. If you're able and willing to contribute something do it, if not speak to them about the issues, finance and the changes I would say.

Think Aderyn has worded it much better than me though.

Sorry Albus.

((Rubs wrist after the slap I just received 🙄))