To be happy it will soon be illegal to smack children?

[speakout]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-41678797

Brilliant news.

gluteustothemaximus Yes , thanks you understand.!

Same as you I don't punish. No hitting, no time out, no withholding treats, no naughty step.
No punishments, no rewards for behaviour.

I don't have perfect kids as others suggest, just using principles ( AP?) that work amazingly well.

HeteronormativeHaybales I agree.

bigbadshewolf I can't answer your question as this is your situation, not mine.Your relationship with your 12 your old will be different to mine.

It's a bit like asking me what would I do with my OH in the same situation. Your relationship, back story and power dynamics are different.
I also don't look on my kids behaviour as " disobedient", again that's not the way our relationship works. It's not to do with them " obeying " me.
Yes my kids sometimes have undesirable behaviour, and it's up to me as a parent to modify that.
It is possible to do that without power battles. I am sorry if you think I am a liar. I have nothing to prove or gain by that.

@heteronormative

Not sure I agree. I don't think smacking or tapping is necessary. But as a child I was given a tap (a real comedy smack, it barely touched me) when I did something really bad. It was really rare and I knew that it meant I had done something really bad because my mum so rarely did it. But it wasn't because it hurt - it was an overly dramatic tap that I barely felt - but because it was out of the ordinary. It was used instead of a smack because my mum wanted to show that I'd done something pretty bad but did not want to hurt me.

As I said, there are other ways of disciplining a child, it's not necessarily the best way. But I was in no way harmed by this tap and had a loving childhood.

I haven't read the thread, but I bet there are a) people talking about "tapping" b) people saying that it did them no harm and c) a positive epidemic of children running into the road and putting their fingers in electric sockets.

Oh, and possibly even the most screwed up of all - someone talking about smacking in a "loving context" -a smack and then a cuddle.

Sooo love it when people say being smacked did them no harm.....so endorsing continued abuse.

echt- exactly. They see violence as a good way to interact with children.

That's the harm it did.

@echt if that's directed at me - I'm just giving you an actual experience from my own perspective. I don't endorse smacking and I'm actually pretty supportive of the new law in Scotland, but I'm willing to see that it isn't as black and white as some people view it here.

Sooo love it when people say being smacked did them no harm.....so endorsing continued abuse

I actually don't think it did do me any harm. If my mum slapped me, I knew why and I moved on. It's the other injustices I remember, like being told I couldn't do a particular activity. I'm not really sure why people think psychological/emotional punishments are so much better than slapping. I think they can be a lot more cruel, and emotional abuse in an adult relationship is extremely damaging.

I'm on the fence, firmly splintered. Smacking children is bad. Of course it's bad for a bigger person to show violence to a smaller person. Well it's bad for anyone to be violent. And it's often done because the parent has lost their temper, which is bad.

But on the other hand, you can't reason with some children, and sometimes the only way to stop them doing something is to give them a shock.

And I can't see the point of criminalising otherwise caring and loving parents, and also taking resources away from an already stretched social services and court system. They should be concentrating on proper abuse, including emotional abuse, not the odd slap.

If you don't ever discipline your children speakout and others I am genuinely confused at how you teach them to behave well and obey rules? How are they going through cope in the real world where there are laws/rules that can't be broken?

I usually keep off smacking threads because I feel so strongly you should never smack a child. I should have kept off this too but I do hope we do change the law in England. My parents did not smack us in the 1960s and we are fine. In fact my father used to lobby against it even then - he was a member of STOPP which was some kind of anti smacking association. He was a psychiatrist and my mother a teacher anxd I think they were intelligent good parents unlike the thwack them until they obey brigade.

I don't smack my children and they are lovely and really I just cannot understand why parents think they need to smack to make children into good adults. If you smack them you are saying physical violence gets you everywhere in life.

Double is asking how our children can be taught to behave well and obey rules without being smacked. It's dead easy. Also when they are adults unlike in the 1800s when it was lawful to smack your servants and wife (and children) and employees I don't think wives and emploeyes were any better behaved! Double would you like us to reintroduce a right for your husband and employer to smack you if you don't turn up for work on time or don't cook your husband's dinner properly or otherwise break rules?

To get a child to behave you need to teach them to respect you. Smacking a child to teach them to behave is not teaching them to respect you it is teaching them to fear getting a smack. I teach my children why they are being naughty and explain the. Consequence of their actions. E.G standing on the table - could fall off and hurt yourself. Stepping out into road without looking - cars are dangerous. If they do not understand then I avoid that situation as much as I can until they do understand. I don't get it. I was smacked and hated it. Ok, I turned out alright and have lived a good life, and I am not emotionally scarred. However, I refuse to smack my children and they are better behaved than my siblings and I were when we were younger. Most children create habits. If they keep on climbing then you simply stop what you are doing and take them off whatever they are climbing on. Is there a real reason why we need to smack, hit, tap our kids. NO! And for the PP that says without smack child would not have reached 5th bday...wow! I have 3 DDs. 1 of which is a child without any fear! She would climb my 3rd floor window whether it is open or closed. I still didn't smack. I put locks on my windows and refused to open them when she was in room. I even put locks on all of my doors so when I was airing the house she could not get into that room! Then when she climbed my closed window I just told her no, took her down and distracted her. A year on she doesn't go near my windows open or closed! No smacks needed!

Bert I haven't read the thread, but I bet there are
a) people talking about "tapping" - yes there are
b) people saying that it did them no harm yes there are
c) a positive epidemic of children running into the road and putting their fingers in electric sockets. more stopping them jumping out of windows and running on the road. Apparently hitting (smack) them stopped them getting killed etc

At the end of the day. If you hit your kids just admit it. Just say yes I hit my kids and I am proud of the punishment. Stop trying to minimise your actions. You are getting angry/frustrated with your little defenceless toddlers and young children because of mundane things (not getting out of a car etc.). You get angry and can’t control your emotions so you hit/beat/smack/tap a child to try regain some control. stop trying to minimise your actions.

You can absolutely discipline a child without resorting to hitting. So in a sense the policy should have no drawbacks.

I'll tell you what does bother me a bit though: just about every argument which is used against corporal punishment could potentiall be used against almost every other form of discipline as well.

And what worries me is this: that it can represent the starting point of a process by which all forms of sanction levied against children start, one by one, to be classified as abusive.

Look at Sweden, for example. It led the way in banning CP first in schools (actually, I don't think it was technically the first country to do so, but was one of the first), and then in homes.

But over the decades, it seems that other forms of discipline and punishment have also become taboo in Sweden--with the spread of ideas that it is cruel to raise your voice to children, to remove privileges, to make them do time-outs or detentions or what have you. One of the reason why Sweden and Norway have seen their educational results sink steadily for the past 15 years or so is almost certainly the poor discipline in the classrooms, where students mess about and adults have little recourse other than to beg and plead with them to behave.

So yes, I worry about slippery slopes and I wonder where this is headed.

I wasn't talking about smacking I was talking about people who say they use no discipline at all. No time out/treat withdrawal/etc etc

User I thought that was a balanced and thoughtful post to Double. To much rambling on this thread and not enough people posting what they would do. Its a parenting site to help support parents who need help, And finally, someone has answered the dun dun dunnnnn what would you do question.

Some people are so full of themselves and righteous. I would have more respect for you if you was on the front line helping and trying to make a change. Lets face it its to much hard work and a lot easier behind your PC screens.

@Happyemoji are you saying I am full of myself and righteous?

I wasn't talking about smacking I was talking about people who say they use no discipline at all. No time out/treat withdrawal/etc etc

You have to discipline children and teach them that things could be removed if certain behavior was to continue. Adults get disciplined if they are out of line or if they steal. They lose their job or get a criminal record. You have to teach children what the world is like.

@Happyemoji are you saying I am full of myself and righteous?

Not you I was trying to tell you I liked your post and thought it was very thoughtful. You explained how you parented well.

Double is asking how our children can be taught to behave well and obey rules without being smacked.

This^ is righteous how is that going to help anybody.

Smacking is primitive and abusivie. You’d be arrested for giving someone else a smack, a child should have the same rights. Smacking inspires fear and teaches a child to respond to an adult not because they respect them but because they fear being hit. I was hit as a child and I constantly flinched every time someone lifted their hand or raised their voice. I was jumpy and afraid of my parents. That’s not the kind of way I want my child to feel.

And calling it cutesy words like ‘tap’ or ‘pop’ doesn’t stop it from being what it is. Abuse.

Oh thank you. Its not easy my DDs are 10, 3 and 1. My eldest is easier now but my two youngest bounce off each other. There are days i just want to hide. It is tiring, it is hard not to lose control. But honestly, even at the young age of them, I know I can take my kids anywhere and they will respect any adult or child. I believe this is down to not smacking. Right now I am getting ready to go to my sisters home, she has 6 days left of pregnancy, she is tired and uncomfortable- i know my girls will respect her home and play nicely - out of respect not fear! Ok I might seem smug, but I really don't care, smacking is the easy option but teaches nothing really! Even now, i love my mum so much. Yet she can pull a face that puts the fear of god into me - the face that she used to pull as a warning before i got smacked. It still scares me now.

Not saying people should do it but it's a nonsense unenforceable law

Wasn't that the argument to not make rape in marriage illegal?

I think smacking depends where it comes from there is the slight smack that's done in instant then over and the kids know imedietly and at all other times there parents care from them.i no people who smack but the kids still feel safe.the love for them knows no bounds.and its very very rare.and more so as they've grown up.as a toddler is was a quick swish literally a swish.and never in anger or parents frustration. it wasn't abuse. ive never seen more loving parents.
the smacking that's wrong is out of violence or out of control or if at all other time the homelife and parenting is also raging or horrid or unloving.
I cant word it but I do see a difference.i don't agree with smacking but I have seen it in families who couldn't be more loving and supportive of eachtoehr.then the kids doesn't feel unsafe or attacked.infact they haven't most of the time remembered it within a week.because it does just pass instantly after the effect.