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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another train one AIBU

80 replies

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 18/10/2017 23:03

I was on the train today with my husband. It was pretty quiet and there were loads of other available seats. He was sitting at the window seat and I had the aisle seat. We had booked our seats. After a while he announced that he needed to go to bathroom, so I let him go then sat back down.

The train pulled up at the next station a few minutes later and a woman got on. She came and stood alongside me and cleared her throat sarcastically. I gave her a smile and explained that my husband was sitting in the now-empty window seat.

"Oh, really? Well, I don't see him!"

I was taken aback at this, and replied, "He's in the bathroom."

She rolled her eyes and said, "I've heard that one before. Move up, I'm sitting there."

I was getting annoyed at this point, and said, "No, I've told you, my husband is sitting there and he is just using the toilet. Besides, there are loads of other available seats!"

She snapped back, "It's a matter of principle! You shouldn't be able to lie and block seats just because you are a selfish arsehole."

Luckily, at this point my husband returned and, oblivious, cheerfully said to the woman, "Excuse me, I just need to slip past to my seat."

The woman turned bright red and, before storming off, she snapped at me, "Well, you shouldn't have let your husband go to the bathroom near train stops, it's bound to cause confusion!"

So, I'll put it to the Mumsnet jury: WIBU to "allow" my husband to use the bathroom near a train station? Only kidding, I know that that isn't really unreasonable (or at least I hope it isn't!) But I am annoyed that I just let her walk away without saying anything. I think that I just sat there with an expression somewhere between Hmm and Confused. WWYD if you were in my position?

In my defence, and so I'm not accused of drip-feeding, it was our first time on this train route (as we are on holiday) so we didn't even realise a stop was coming up. Oops

OP posts:
whatsthecomingoverthehill · 19/10/2017 15:13

I'm not surprised I've heard of people on here purposely "targeting" people sitting on the aisle seats and demanding the other seat just because they don't like people sitting in the aisle. So petty.

It depends on how busy the train is. If there are lots of seats free then it is obviously petty to ask someone to move. But when it's busy and someone is sitting in the aisle seat, studiously avoiding eye contact with everyone getting on, then they normally are just trying to keep both seats to themselves.

ShellyBoobs · 19/10/2017 15:51

I find myself idly wondering if her behaviour would have been the same had it been your husband in the seat, and you that had gone to the bathroom

I find myself idly wondering when train 'toilets' suddenly became 'bathrooms'.

Has it become impolite to call a bog toilet a toilet, or simething?

LurkingHusband · 19/10/2017 16:26

I find myself idly wondering when train 'toilets' suddenly became 'bathrooms'.

When my American heritage kicked in.

ShellyBoobs · 19/10/2017 16:40

When my American heritage kicked in.

OP I used the term, too.

I didn't actually realise it was an 'Americanism'; I just assumed it was an avoidance of the word 'toilet'. Smile

LurkingHusband · 19/10/2017 16:53

I didn't actually realise it was an 'Americanism'; I just assumed it was an avoidance of the word 'toilet'.

As some friends found (in NY of all places) if you ask for "the toilet" in some Manhattan bars, they think you're asking about a new bar that's opened up Smile. They get really worried that they're not the coolest kids anymore.

Restroom will do, too.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2017 19:36

@amicissimma the front of the top deck of the 24 between Pimlico and Hamptead is good for next time you come to London if you haven't tried it.

Does all the sights - Parliament Square, Whitehall, Trafalgar Square, Theatreland (Bloomsbury going south because that bit is one way), Camden, Parliament Hill and Hampstead and you can pretend you're driving or chat.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2017 19:41

As some friends found (in NY of all places) if you ask for "the toilet" in some Manhattan bars, they think you're asking about a new bar that's opened up

LurkingHusband My Brummie friend gave up after less than a year in Los Angeles because people genuinely didn't know what she meant unless she said diaper, sidewalk, freeway, movie and trunk.

LurkingHusband · 19/10/2017 21:12

LurkingHusband My Brummie friend gave up after less than a year in Los Angeles because people genuinely didn't know what she meant unless she said diaper, sidewalk, freeway, movie and trunk.

Solder is a good one too Smile

disahsterdahling · 19/10/2017 21:38

Ah yes OP I get this all the time. I only sit in aisle seats (bus, train, airplane etc) as I was sexually assaulted when I was younger whilst I was sat in a window seat on the bus and I couldn't escape. However lots of people perceive this as very rude and for 'the principle' storm over and demand to sit next to me as I shouldn't be claiming two seats

Really? I generally always pick the aisle seat so that I can get out more quickly (and because on some of my local trains, the heating blasts into your face if you sit by the window). Sometimes I do move over to the window seat if the person next to me gets out, but on the whole I stay in the aisle seat and the person next to me can sit by the window. I am going to a terminus though.

I remember years ago working in a town which was not a terminus, and so one day I got on the train and asked a guy to move to the window seat so I could have the aisle, as I was getting off in 10 minutes. He flatly refused, despite me explaining I was getting off soon, so I stayed standing. I didn't want the window seat - neither, apparently, did he (and no he didn't get off at the same stop as me).

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2017 23:26

London buses and tubes are different now but I never wanted to sit in the window seat 20 years ago because you invariably got dirty rain down the back of your neck.

I also remember having stand off with two people on a bus once. I got on and the man in the bench seat opposite considerately removed his feet Hmm I didn't sit there but chose the aisle seat. As you would. A woman got on at the next stop and asked me to move up. I said I didn't want to sit there because he'd had his muddy feet on it but if she wanted to sit there I'd move aside.

There commenced a really weird thing where she berated me for not moving up and he called me a bitch for complaining that he'd put his feet on the seat.

I ignored them. It's often the only way

hamburgler · 20/10/2017 00:05

I feel slightly bad for her because most of the time when people claim the seat belongs to someone in the loo, it is a lie.

It's a shame so many people prefer to lie rather than have someone sit next to them. It rather creates a boy who cried wolf situation.

When I was on crutches I wound up having to stand so many times because all the empty seats were occupied by people "in the loo" (apparently with serious digestive issues, as they never came back).

OutToGetYou · 20/10/2017 00:05

@MinervaSaidThar - actually, you sit where the fuck you like.

It's very bad manners to take up both the front seats on the top deck of a bus by putting your bags on one. The front seat is the one everyone wants.

If the person who thought her bags were so precious was concerned about sitting next to someone, she should have fucked off and sat further back.

MinervaSaidThar · 20/10/2017 07:01

outtogetyou stop inflicting yourself on people sitting by themselves on an empty bus, you loon.

You wouldn't get to sit next to me because I wouldn't fucking let you on an empty bus. Your intentions are clearly wrong.

OutToGetYou · 20/10/2017 07:07

I haven't been on a bus for about twenty years. I'm not poor.

MinervaSaidThar · 20/10/2017 07:24

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limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2017 09:53

I haven't been on a bus for about twenty years. I'm not poor

So why do you care so much about where we poor people sit?

OutToGetYou · 20/10/2017 10:47

@limitedperiodonly

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment, a la 'The Inbetweeners'.
I have used a bus now and then but I certainly can't recall ever being on an empty one.

I take the train to London every day and come across any number of cheeky fuckers - like the other day, the guy sat in an aisle seat, who had a mountain of bags on the other seat. I asked to sit there, he looked like I had spat in his tea, gathered all his bags onto his lap and behind his knees and sort of squidged to the side. Obviously I wasn't easily able to get past him in this state, but I did anyway and sod him if he had my arse in his face while I did it.
I said to him "it's a commuter train, it's going to be really full, you need to put your bags on the rack".
He said "I know, I take this train every day".
Weird.
That train is always full, at my stop I usually get a seat, but I get there ten minutes early to ensure I do and not everyone does and certainly at the next stop most people are standing - he knew this , as he gets that train every day, and yet he thought it was OK to dump his bags all over the seat?

The fact is, you buy a ticket and hope for a seat. If there is one no-one is sitting in one, you can sit in it (and if it is reserved, then move if the seat holder arrives). You get to choose which seat that is.
No-one else can tell you that you should choose a certain seat, or not sit next to someone, or not prefer the aisle, or not prefer the window. I prefer the window, so if people are in aisle seats then I ask to go past and sit there. I'd be very unimpressed of anyone said no, go and sit somewhere else, whether they had bags or not.

And no, it's not rude to want to sit where you want to sit, even if there are a million other seats. If the person you sit next to doesn't like beings at next to, that is their problem, not yours.

Grapeeatingweirdo · 20/10/2017 11:00

It IS rude to sit next to someone when there are empty seats available elsewhere. I get the train for work regularly and I get very irritated at the amount of people who sit next to me when there are loads of empty seats.

I mean, they can easily sit on their own. There is space. I end up moving to an empty seat or saying something like "were the other empty seats not suitable?". They then get offended when I move! People!

Grapeeatingweirdo · 20/10/2017 11:02

Also, there was one journey where I was sitting at a table working on an empty train. I was off to a client meeting in the middle of the day and making the most of being able to spread out a little, for once.

Then a family with two small toddlers got on and sat at my table; despite there being lots of other empty tables in the carriage. I got up and moved and they were offended, asking me if there was a problem.

It's all well and good to say that we have to put up with each other if we want to use public transport, but some people are beyond the pale.

Didactylos · 20/10/2017 11:15

tactical error OP....

you should always make your husband go to the bathroom before you leave the house Wink

morningtoncrescent62 · 20/10/2017 11:32

In these situations I like to think how horrible life must be if you are that person and always thinking the worst / getting wound up all the time

I try to do this. But mostly I forget, and I end up being rude - not funny or witty, just irritated. I would probably have said something along the lines of 'Oh for goodness' sake, I told you my DH is sitting there, and look, here he comes, so just piss off, OK'. Yeah, I know it's neither funny nor clever, but I can never think of the witty comeback at the right time.

BTW, I'm not poor and I use buses and trains all the time. I agree with Minerva, it's weird to have someone ask you to move your bags so that they can plonk themselves next to you on an empty deck. I'd be both annoyed and a little freaked out if someone did that to me.

SilverSpot · 20/10/2017 13:56

If the train/bus has lots of free double seats it is super strange to ask someone to move their bags so you can sit next to them.

NikiBabe · 20/10/2017 14:07

@outtogetyou calm down dear it is only a bus seat.

May I suggest sedatives and CBT for your rage issues regarding this or maybe you are eternally 6 years old to want the front seat no matter what.

Oh god it's priceless. Thanks for the laugh. Halloween GrinGlitterball

NikiBabe · 20/10/2017 14:09

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NikiBabe · 20/10/2017 14:12

*you're. Autocorrect Angry