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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another train one AIBU

80 replies

FleetwoodMacDonalds · 18/10/2017 23:03

I was on the train today with my husband. It was pretty quiet and there were loads of other available seats. He was sitting at the window seat and I had the aisle seat. We had booked our seats. After a while he announced that he needed to go to bathroom, so I let him go then sat back down.

The train pulled up at the next station a few minutes later and a woman got on. She came and stood alongside me and cleared her throat sarcastically. I gave her a smile and explained that my husband was sitting in the now-empty window seat.

"Oh, really? Well, I don't see him!"

I was taken aback at this, and replied, "He's in the bathroom."

She rolled her eyes and said, "I've heard that one before. Move up, I'm sitting there."

I was getting annoyed at this point, and said, "No, I've told you, my husband is sitting there and he is just using the toilet. Besides, there are loads of other available seats!"

She snapped back, "It's a matter of principle! You shouldn't be able to lie and block seats just because you are a selfish arsehole."

Luckily, at this point my husband returned and, oblivious, cheerfully said to the woman, "Excuse me, I just need to slip past to my seat."

The woman turned bright red and, before storming off, she snapped at me, "Well, you shouldn't have let your husband go to the bathroom near train stops, it's bound to cause confusion!"

So, I'll put it to the Mumsnet jury: WIBU to "allow" my husband to use the bathroom near a train station? Only kidding, I know that that isn't really unreasonable (or at least I hope it isn't!) But I am annoyed that I just let her walk away without saying anything. I think that I just sat there with an expression somewhere between Hmm and Confused. WWYD if you were in my position?

In my defence, and so I'm not accused of drip-feeding, it was our first time on this train route (as we are on holiday) so we didn't even realise a stop was coming up. Oops

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 19/10/2017 00:11

Sorry not sorry I'd have waved sarcastically and said bye bye arsehole!
People like this get on my nerves. There's no need for it. I'm another one who attracts them on almost empty buses. Usually the blokes, who then spread their legs so they're taking up half of my seat too. I develop a leg twitch kick or tell them to sit on their own seat or move somewhere else if they need to take up my seat too.

OutToGetYou · 19/10/2017 07:18

@nikibabe - you are being unreasonable, you don't get an extra seat for your bags. Maybe she wanted to look out the front window too? If it was so important to you not to have to pick up your bags, you could have moved to one of the many other empty seats.

MinervaSaidThar · 19/10/2017 07:31

She called you a selfish arsehole? Really, OP?

MinervaSaidThar · 19/10/2017 07:34

outtogetyou you don't sit next to someone when most of the bus is empty. You just don't. It's bad manners. Niki git there first.

WhatwouldAryado · 19/10/2017 07:36

Grin that gave me a good laugh. What a silly woman!

WhatwouldAryado · 19/10/2017 07:39

On older trains you cannot use the flush in the station as everything goes onto the track (bleurrgh) but on modern trains there is a storage waste tank. So it makes no difference.

2014newme · 19/10/2017 07:41

What a dreadful woman.
You husband 'announced' he was going to the bathroom is hilarious 😂

sayyouwill · 19/10/2017 07:43

I think I would have actually laughed in her face. Involuntary btw. I'd honestly have cracked up! I'd also have offered her to climb over me and take the seat, but be prepared to climb back out when he returns

disahsterdahling · 19/10/2017 07:48

Unbelievable!

I'm always waiting for the person to demand to sit next to me on principle. But if the train was half empty, I'd just move.

Years ago, a guy did it to me. I saw him scan the carriage, see that my bag was on the seat next to me, and come straight over to ask me to move the bag (this was on a half empty train that wasn't going to get any busier) so I just got up and moved to an empty 2 seater and put my bag down again. He muttered something but I ignored him and he didn't follow me to my new seat!

HTKB · 19/10/2017 07:55

Hmmm, she sounds like a MNetter tbh. That's exactly the sort of thing Mumsnet would advise her to say to someone who was hogging two seats (obv you weren't).

Catsize · 19/10/2017 08:08

She does sound a little unusual. Reminds me of the bloke on the train the other day who was rather abrupt with two friends who sat next to each other. One of the two seats said 'reserved' so they sat apart initiallly but nobody appeared so they moved together. He then appeared, some time after the train had left a station and insisted he sit on one of their seats. I think he must have gone for a wander as some of his belongings were on the luggage rack. There weren't many available seats and those that were available were single seats. He insisted on taking that seat and implied that they were stupid as 'it does say reserved on it'. So, the friends moved and sat separately. He was unnecessarily beligerent. As a pp said, many people don't take the 'reserved' seats. They were safe to assume it wasn't in fact reserved.

AnneElliott · 19/10/2017 08:09

She's a nutter op. Train etiquette is that you don't sit next to people if there are loads of seats available.

MrsExpo · 19/10/2017 08:12

I'm just wondering why anyone would deliberately be so rude to someone and seriously p%^* them off, and then want to sit next to them for a period of time until they get to their destination. So glad your DH returned precisely on cue OP.

cakecakecheese · 19/10/2017 08:14

How very odd, of course you were not in the wrong and there was no need for her to be so rude but I do wonder if she's a commuter who gets irritated by seat hogs on a regular basis. I was once on a crowded commuter train, standing and witnessed an angry train mob round on a guy who wouldn't move his stuff for a pregnant woman to sit because he was saving the seat for 'a friend who was getting on at the next stop'. Needless to say he was shamed into moving his stuff but only after a lot of verbal argy bargy.

Well at least if your husband does something annoying it won't matter because you've made him up Grin

Original poster
FleetwoodMacDonalds · 19/10/2017 08:25

Sigh. I have read AIBU enough times that I suppose I should have expected the inference of trolling or exaggerating to come from some posters eventually.

This whole thing actually happened. It's why I wrote about it here: I don't bother to write about mundane things, really, as they are just part of day-to-day life. I had this absolutely bizarre experience and thought I'd share it.

Obviously there is no way I can prove what happened, so people are more than free to doubt me. However, I know it's the truth. I have got a funny story out of it that I will share at dinner parties for years.

Sometimes people are just rude, or have a bad day and make a bit of a fool of themselves. I shared my experience of that. That doesn't make me a troll.

OP posts:
Original poster
FleetwoodMacDonalds · 19/10/2017 08:26

Anyway, I am out for the rest of the day now on another fun-filled sightseeing tour -or maybe I will just find a nice bar to have a glass of wine this afternoon at-

OP posts:
BeyondThePage · 19/10/2017 08:27

going against the grain here - but what you had was a holy grail of seats - an EMPTY window seat, with a reservation from a prior station - so to her eyes a seat which is available for her use.

Yes she was a prat - but people often use the "my friend/husband/whatever is in the loo" excuse.

Booagain · 19/10/2017 08:31

How rude of that woman!!! I would have been the same as you - totally taken aback and then thought of something witty afterward and it would have played on my mind for ages after.
I once saw a man sit on another man because they both had reserved the same seat, it was ludicrous and I wish I’d said something to that guy because he was a arse. But I was 19 and not confident to stand up to strangers then!!!

Igneococcus · 19/10/2017 08:36

The train we were on was one of the older types, yes. That is why my hubby took so long. He had to wait until the train started to move again until he could flush grin. He takes train etiquette very seriously!

This happened to me a few weeks ago on the West Highland line and not at any of the ordinary stops but in Crianlarich where the train waits for the Mallaig train to be joined up to continue to Glasgow as one train. The train there stops for long enough for some passengers to pop out onto the platform for a cigarette. I know all the stops but there was a queue and the timing was just bad.

HotelEuphoria · 19/10/2017 08:47

I believe you OP, have a lovely day Flowers

JohnHunter · 19/10/2017 08:47

It sounds as if you were remarkably restrained. I wouldn't have been able to remain that polite.

Auspiciouspanda · 19/10/2017 08:52

Ah yes OP I get this all the time. I only sit in aisle seats (bus, train, airplane etc) as I was sexually assaulted when I was younger whilst I was sat in a window seat on the bus and I couldn't escape. However lots of people perceive this as very rude and for 'the principle' storm over and demand to sit next to me as I shouldn't be claiming two seats.

Some people are crazy and mean and its them that embarrasses themselves in the end.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2017 08:58

I cant imagine ever getting on an empty bus and making people move their things over just so I can have that seat.

NikiBabe I was targeted by one of those people who insist on making some kind of point yesterday. Plenty of free seats and it was a tube train so nothing to look at out of the window. Yet she wanted me to move my bags.

Normally I move my things but yesterday I had two big bags that I didn't want to put on the dirty floor and I wanted to read my paper without having to hold it under my nose.

I just nodded at all the other empty seats and carried on reading. She stood there for a while but I ignored her until she went.

amicissimma · 19/10/2017 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LurkingHusband · 19/10/2017 15:05

I find myself idly wondering if her behaviour would have been the same had it been your husband in the seat, and you that had gone to the bathroom Hmm

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