Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To be creeped out???

76 replies

Orangewater33 · 18/10/2017 21:56

Long story short - met a guy at the park a few weeks ago with his son 4(same age as mine) and his daughter(22) he is 56 I am 34.
He asked us to go for a playdate with him and another mom, I agreed but she didn't turn up and we spent the day at his alone with the kids playing.
Had a second visit where we went to the library and then I called to his house last night(we live close) and he asked us to stay for dinner.
Things were fine and the boys were playing when he came out of the kitchen and I was holding his electric wine bottle opener.
He walked in and said 'it looks like a big dld'..
I was like - 'does it?' already feeling uncomfortable..
He kind of scoffed as though I was being prudish and then proceeded to start talking about orgasms, sex and how he respects women who enjoy sex even though most guys think they're w**res'..
I don't know why, maybe just a culmination of multiple things but I just feel really disappointed..
Why do men seem incapable of behaving in a respectful manner? Am I just being prudish? I hate that feeling when guys do this and they think it's totally fine but we're sitting there alone with them starting to panic a bit and wondering what to say to get out of the situation..
If we go along with the convo we're up for it...if we don't we're prudish and frigid..
Hope it's ok to post this because I could really do with some thoughts on it :/

OP posts:

BellaNoche · 18/10/2017 22:24

I guess it felt ok because the children were there, are you guys who are asking why did I go to his house suggesting we should automatically view all men with suspicion and make sure we're never alone with them

So you would do the same again?

Original poster

Orangewater33 · 18/10/2017 22:25

He already had wine opened when we got there and the opener was on the table, I just picked it up to look at it.
I'm not really sure how I feel right now, I really didn't feel that it was random or dangerous at the time, but your replies are making me question myself a lot so thanks regardless..
By that point that we were there last night I knew his daughter, were she worked and lived, the childs mother, him and where he worked..it really didn't feel uncomfortable or worrying. The two kids enjoyed each others company and I felt as though I had been being quite careful in terms of being 'too friendly'...

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangewater33 · 18/10/2017 22:27

No - I wouldn't do the same again. Not after that.

OP posts:

1DAD2KIDS · 18/10/2017 22:29

UNCOMFORTABLE!

Bambamber · 18/10/2017 22:33

The fact that you can't see that was a potentially dangerous situation, and think this man wasn't just a random person is actually quite worrying.

QueuetoaskaQ · 18/10/2017 22:33

Look, he was disrespectful and wished to make you uncomfortable. 'Jokes' like that should not be spoken to someone you've only met a few times.

Don't make yourself anxious trying to work out his thought processes. He was a creep. He showed you his true colours. He wasn't able to pick up on your body language or lack of response after he rambled on about sex to you. Or maybe he knew perfectly well how uncomfortable you were and was loving it.

Why would you want to be around someone like this? Just cut him out of your life and hope your next new friend is more decent.

dubmumof2 · 18/10/2017 22:33

Can't see how you did anything wrong or inappropriate OP. I think MN is in danger of making OP responsible for this man's totally inappropriate and offensive behaviour.....why do we do this?

OP it was creepy and bloody disconcerting when there were no clues that he was a twat beforehand....glad you left after....

Tapandgo · 18/10/2017 22:35

Creepy. Best to meet guys you barely know in public places.

Original poster

Orangewater33 · 18/10/2017 22:36

Yes it is worrying and thats why I posted here to clarify perception.
Please understand that I am really coming to terms with the fact that I don't fully understand boundaries correctly because of my childhood and past relationships and it's something I'm dealing with and am aware of and this was a hard lesson on that but last night when I got home I started to have a panic attack at the culmination of it all and my confusion.

OP posts:

MrLovebucket · 18/10/2017 22:39

Erm so you all swapped phone numbers as soon as you met ("We chatted by text her and I and him") and you were already talking about his daughter babysitting your child even though you'd just met [shocked]

QueuetoaskaQ · 18/10/2017 22:40

If you struggle with boundaries, I'd suggest that you ensure you meet in group situations in future. Avoid 1 to 1 situations until you fully know and trust the other person.

Don't worry about appearing impolite. If any situation makes you feel uneasy, just leave.

florenceandthefig · 18/10/2017 22:46

Meeting someone for a play date once does not mean you know them
you can write dildo and whore

KarmaNoMore · 18/10/2017 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsOverTheRoad · 18/10/2017 22:54

Karma she went to his house following ONE meeting the first time!

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2017 23:00

YANBU to be creeped out.

But please don't give your phone number out to randoms that you meet in a park, just because they have kids.

You've had an awful experience and possibly a lucky escape. Learn from it OP

christinarossetti · 18/10/2017 23:04

You didn't do anything wrong OP. In fact, by leaving when you did and refusing a lift, you did it just right.

It's not difficult to get into these situations - you think you're being friendly only to find out that the man involved has generally disrespectful attitudes and behaviour towards women.

One way of trying to work out what 'normal' boundaries are is to think 'would do this?' If the answer is no, then don't. If you answer is yes, then check if you want to before you say yes.

Jellyheadbang · 18/10/2017 23:08

GROSS! He was testing your boundaries and you passed the test. Well done for leaving. You will trust your judgement better now you've done this.
What a creep.

BelleandBeast · 18/10/2017 23:24

It is as you suspect:

many an objectify women as sex objects and think only of the pleasure they may get from them

many men see many women as an opportunity for sex

I hope his son doesn't turn out like him.

Telstar99 · 18/10/2017 23:55

@Orangewater33

Seems you just had some bad judgement here VERY bad, but let's not labour the point and please don't do this again - ever.

This man sounds fucking vile. And I don't use either of those words lightly. What a pig, just talking about sex and orgasms like that when you had met him ONCE before.

He sounds like the type of man who has zero respect for women, and the fact that he says 'some men think women who like sex are whores' makes me think HE thinks this, not the other men he supposedly knows... I think he wanted sex with you too.

Why the eff would a woman who likes sex be a whore?

Ewwww, what a cunt. (I don't use THAT word lightly either!)

Never see him again, and please be more vigilant in future. Also not victim blaming, you have done nothing wrong, just been a bit careless, and he is in the wrong, not you.

Caulk · 19/10/2017 00:04

Is this actually real life?

geekone · 19/10/2017 00:10

Sorry people are blaming you for the sexual weirdo. YANBU regardless of gender that was a weird ass conversation to start with someone you are just getting to know. You were right to leave don't let it affect your general judgment of people though most play dates go better than that. Take care of yourself.

lollipop7 · 19/10/2017 00:18

Good Lord he sounds like a predator that uses his children to lure women back to his house and start the sex talk.
I feel really sick and really upset for you, I would be traumatised. I'm not going to to labour the points others have rightly made about never doing something like that again as I know you have explained.

Try to forget about him and the whole weird encounter. Just be thankful you and your son got out before he actually did something to you.

Totally unacceptable and a real transgression. I hope you're ok 💐

Telstar99 · 19/10/2017 00:22

What lollipop said ^

DonkeyOil · 19/10/2017 00:37

He was obviously testing the water with his' dildo' comment, op. I would avoid any further contact with him or his family.

As an aside, I think this just underlines how deeply ingrained cultural differences are! You say you are abroad, where this kind of interaction is normal. This whole situation does sound really weird to people in the UK, because it is so counter-intuitve to the way most of us would behave when encountering strangers in a park!

oldlaundbooth · 19/10/2017 00:49

So you were planning to get drunk on a play date with some random dude you met at the park?

Flip

1 2 3 4