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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask SIL to repay her loan ?

44 replies

educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 11:05

A couple of years ago my STBXH & I lent his dsis some money as she was struggling. We were doing ok at the time & we were happy to help her.
DH & I have since separated & I am on the breadline (47p in my bank) . I was doing some paperwork over the W/e & found the bank statement showing the loan - I had completely forgotten about it.

Last night (after speaking to STBXH) I sent her a message

‘Hi xxxx, sorry this is out of the blue but I came across some old bank statements & saw our loan to you. Due to my current circumstances I would appreciate repayment of the loan. My bank details are as follows xxxxx. Thank you’

‘MrEducatingmypalate gifted me that money. If I did owe any money I would pay it to him not you’

Hi xxx at the time of the loan it was paid from our joint bank account & from joint earnings therefore half of the amount is repayable to me ‘

She didn’t reply & has now blocked me. STBXH agrees it wasn’t a gift & was a loan

WIBU to ask for repayment??

OP posts:
2014newme · 18/10/2017 11:07

How long ago was it
How much was it
Can your ex get the money back from her, or can he give you your share up front and chase her for the money
What were the terms of repayment, was anything documented

Original poster
educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 11:09

It was 3 years ago, £1000 so I am asking for £500.

He doesn’t want to get involved

OP posts:
AndrewJames · 18/10/2017 11:12

If he won't get involved there isn't anything you can do. She should of course pay you back but she isn't going to and you can't make her.

expatinscotland · 18/10/2017 11:12

I can see why you did it, but you won't see a penny from her. For all you know, he told her it was a gift, too. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask for the money back after 3 years, tbh.

2014newme · 18/10/2017 11:15

You won't get any of it back then I'm afraid.

KimmySchmidt1 · 18/10/2017 11:16

You have already asked for repayment.

Clearly it appears that this person owes you money. I'm not sure what you are asking?

In terms of constructive steps, it sounds like you should ask your ex if he can give your half to you and then recover it from her, given she wants to pay the whole lot to him.

expatinscotland · 18/10/2017 11:18

You need to let this go. You aren't getting anything from her.

KimmySchmidt1 · 18/10/2017 11:19

I know its too late this time, but just to let you in on a secret re what people with plenty of money live by to avoid these problems:

  1. dont have a joint bank account as your only bank account. if your partner wants to spend his money he can. have some control over what he spends over your money.

  2. never ever ever ever lend anyone any money without a written document setting out the terms signed by you both. And never lend family money - family is not business.

Hillarious · 18/10/2017 11:20

We don't know the circumstances of the loan, but if my brother had an ex-wife who was demanding quite separately from him the repayment of 50% of a loan I'd been given three years ago, with no encouragement from him to do so, I'm afraid I'd react the same way as your SIL.

MagicFajita · 18/10/2017 11:21

You should've made clear arrangements for repayment at the time op. You've left it , and now suddenly you're in need and have decided that you want the cash back.

niknok69 · 18/10/2017 11:27

Judge Rinder

AndrewJames · 18/10/2017 11:28

I'm afraid I'd react the same way as your SIL

You'd lie and say it was a gift and then block the person you owe money to?
I wouldn't boast about that !

DoJo · 18/10/2017 11:30

If your STBEx agreed that she owed the money, why didn't he get in touch with her?

Sketchily · 18/10/2017 11:37

The trouble is that you didn't have a proper contract, either written or verbal. That would set out the terms of fact that it has taken you three years to even ask for it back, and that she has not made any payments to you at all would go against you I'm afraid. Your best bet would be to get the £500 from your STBXH.

Sketchily · 18/10/2017 11:38

The terms of repayment. The fact that...

expatinscotland · 18/10/2017 11:40

'Judge Rinder'

Who would dismiss the claim due to having no contract at all and the only communication regarding it being the SIL asserting it was a gift (and the ex refusing to get involved).

KitKat1985 · 18/10/2017 11:40

YANBU. However, if STBXH doesn't want to get involved, the you've got very little chance of getting the money back. You could go down the small claims court BUT unless you have some proof that it was a loan and not a gift (like something in writing) then it's really just your word against hers if STBXH won't get involved, and the costs involved in chasing it would probably be more than you are owed. I think you may just have to chalk this one up to experience and let it go. Sorry.

Shoxfordian · 18/10/2017 11:41

Yeah I don't think you're getting that money back although you weren't unreasonable to ask

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 18/10/2017 11:42

It's pretty likely that your ex has subsequently told his sister not to worry about repayment which is why he doesn't want to get involved

Mustang27 · 18/10/2017 11:50

What a cretin!!! Lesson learned never lend anyone money and expect to see it back.

You really aren’t getting this back if she had any intention she would have replied mortified and tried to arrange a payment plan if she couldn’t afford the 500 straight off.

I’m sorry you are struggling so much is this a one off thing or are you going to be like this month to month for awhile?

DressedCrab · 18/10/2017 11:59

What a cow. Maybe try the small claims court or get it from your ex.

2014newme · 18/10/2017 12:00

@Dressedcrab Rtft ex doesn't want to get involved. No proof of loan so no chance of winning in small claims Court

AndrewJames · 18/10/2017 12:00

You can't use small claims court. No proof of loan, not corroboration of any kind.

Rafflesway · 18/10/2017 12:00

Just how do these people sleep at night? 😡

£1000 is a LOT of money, even when you are comfortably off.

Unfortunately, I too think you will have to move on as the entitled bitch has no intention of paying her debts. (She is using your separation/divorce as a "Get out of jail free" card.)
What a Lowlife!! Angry

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 18/10/2017 12:16

I understand where you are coming from BUT I would only deal with my brother, not his ex wife.

No paperwork, no witnesses, her brother will never give evidence against her, this is one of those lessons you learn the hard way. Neither a borrower nor a lender be - and if you get into that situation, never lend more than you can afford to lose. It is what is called 'a gentlemans debt' and its unenforceable in court.

And, Im also going to say, you may be on the breadline, but expecting her to find £500 immediately, out of the blue, is also unreasonable