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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask SIL to repay her loan ?

44 replies

educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 11:05

A couple of years ago my STBXH & I lent his dsis some money as she was struggling. We were doing ok at the time & we were happy to help her.
DH & I have since separated & I am on the breadline (47p in my bank) . I was doing some paperwork over the W/e & found the bank statement showing the loan - I had completely forgotten about it.

Last night (after speaking to STBXH) I sent her a message

‘Hi xxxx, sorry this is out of the blue but I came across some old bank statements & saw our loan to you. Due to my current circumstances I would appreciate repayment of the loan. My bank details are as follows xxxxx. Thank you’

‘MrEducatingmypalate gifted me that money. If I did owe any money I would pay it to him not you’

Hi xxx at the time of the loan it was paid from our joint bank account & from joint earnings therefore half of the amount is repayable to me ‘

She didn’t reply & has now blocked me. STBXH agrees it wasn’t a gift & was a loan

WIBU to ask for repayment??

OP posts:
Original poster
educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 12:18

Thanks all - I agree I’ll probably just have to forget about - the £500 would have saved my bacon !!

I thought a ‘gosh I’m really sorry but I can’t manage it at the moment but I will pay you as soon as I can’ would have been a better response!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/10/2017 12:21

'I thought a ‘gosh I’m really sorry but I can’t manage it at the moment but I will pay you as soon as I can’ would have been a better response!'

Why would she do that? She sees it as a gift. And then she'd have you nagging her for money all the time. And yes, she'd repay to her brother, naturally. It's been 3 years. She was never going to pay it back in the first place.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 18/10/2017 12:24

What did it say on the original bank transfer, OP? If you put 'loan against it, you might have a chance. If not, definitely not. I think I'd say you'll have to wave goodbye to the money too x

Dowser · 18/10/2017 12:31

Doesn't the bank statement showing the £1000 count as proof or could that still be classed as a gift.
Have you any correspondence around it.

2014newme · 18/10/2017 12:35

@Dowser that's not proof it's a loan.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/10/2017 12:51

how can you forget you loaned/gave someone £1000

did you discuss paying it back?

unlikely after 3yrs she will pay you anything

redexpat · 18/10/2017 12:57

Do you have any emails or texts showing her understanding that it was a loan? If yes small claims if not bad luck.

Butterymuffin · 18/10/2017 12:59

It's shitty to borrow that much money and make no effort to pay it back. But she is clearly one of those people. I'm afraid you will not get it.

Hillarious · 18/10/2017 13:22

I thought a ‘gosh I’m really sorry but I can’t manage it at the moment but I will pay you as soon as I can’ would have been a better response!

Is that the kind of response you would expect to the OP's original, somewhat blunt, message, which you admit was out of the blue?

OP - I really think this is an issue between you and your husband.

Original poster
educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 15:12

To be fair we lent her the money to buy a house (100% of the price) which she renovated & sold on. She paid us back + the interest we could have got in the bank.

In August my ex took an overdose & she was the only person I thought to call. So we aren’t estranged.

My ex agrees 100% it was not a gift & has tentatively said he’ll pay me the money.

OP posts:
NikiBabe · 18/10/2017 15:19

I have electric fence boundaries with money.

Ive never been married so just boyfriends. But i would never lend them money or even my own siblings.

Tbh I am shocked people are surprised when they lend money and dont get it back.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 18/10/2017 15:23

But i would never lend them money or even my own siblings.

Depends whether you like seeing people hungry or unable to get to work etc. Shit happens in life. If you are in a position to help someone without it adversely affecting your family, then thatsa good thing.

NikiBabe · 18/10/2017 15:27

Depends whether you like seeing people hungry or unable to get to work etc.

Ive been in that position. My family couldnt care less. I had hardly enough money to eat at one point and needed new boots as they had holes in them.

Now I shant extend help to anyone no matter how dire.

livefornaps · 18/10/2017 15:37

I think you should have run this by your ex in the first place

inlectorecumbit · 18/10/2017 15:53

My ex agrees 100% it was not a gift if you have this in writing, text etc l would ask again your SIL stating that your ex agrees it was not a gift.

Could you give her a deadline before taking to small claims court?

Namechangetempissue · 18/10/2017 16:04

You are never getting that money back, I guarantee. If your ex agrees with you, could he speak to her? I presume they are on good terms? I would NEVER dream of behaving in such a way and can't believe the front of people who do such a thing (hello there FIL!!!) but they do. People are arseholes.

Danceswithwarthogs · 18/10/2017 16:15

Another vote for judge rinder lol

Original poster
educatingmypalate · 18/10/2017 16:37

I did run it by my ex before I sent the message, in fact, I was at his house

OP posts:
Hillarious · 19/10/2017 15:31

But i would never lend them money or even my own siblings.

I wouldn't lend my sibling money, I'd give him money if he was in need.

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