Christmas

[Changename1988]

Name changed as possibly outing. My brother and SIL live abroad (sil is for my nieces have never had a Christmas in England due to brothers work. Now first time they can come to England

If they are staying with your mum and it isn't a problem to her then why is it a problem to you?

Perhaps the niece is learning English in school and this is an opportunity for her.

Why do you want to exclude her? It feels very mean spirited.

I guess I just want my brother his wife and children to bond with mine before adding in SIL's family ( and also confused why the niece doesn't want to be with her own family at Christmas)

I'd not get too het up about it, if they've just been placed this year you don't really know how your DC will cope with Christmas at all - they may simply not manage a family meal at such an exciting time. We adopted two of similar ages this year and are keeping it very low key, at home with few plans that can't be easily changed.

Keep your own options open because you just don't know how your kids will be, don't worry too much about what other folk are doing.

YABU. Christmas is a time to bring people together, family, friends and even strangers.
SIL's niece is much older than the other children so I can't imagine she'll want to play with them all the time, but could help out with them playing together.

I understand that this is an exciting and important time for you, but don't put too much pressure on it to be perfect.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I don't think a 14 year old is exactly going to spoil any bonding time between the children. She'll probably be glued to her phone

I guess I just want my brother his wife and children to bond with mine before adding in SIL's family

You're really overthinking this

It's not really any of your business though, is it?

I'm sure one 14 year old won't get in the way of your family bonding.

I guess I just want my brother his wife and children to bond with mine before adding in SIL's family

Absolutely not your decision. Plus how much 'bonding' do you thing 3 and 5 year olds will actually do

( and also confused why the niece doesn't want to be with her own family at Christmas)

You have no idea what is going on in other people's lives.

Jellycats very true.

Also my mum feels she has to say yes as she has just spent a week with my brother and his family (including the niece as her family live next door)

YANBU.

Bah humbug to you too.

Originally I agreed with you, assuming that all the children are little, but when you clarified that the niece is 14 I changed my mind. That's a very different dynamic. She's more like an adult in this context. And as pp said, she'll be on her phone (or chilling on her bed).

Congrats on the adoption!

I meant YABVU!!! GRRRR

Honestly OP, I think you're being a bit mean. One more person will be another person to love your children. There could be all sorts of reasons for your SILS niece to not want to be at home. She may be having trouble with her parents or may just want the experience of an English Christmas.
Either way, welcome her and be nice.

I can understand your apprehension. Perhaps a 14 year old could be good help with the children.

YABU and a bit odd

To be honest, OP, the 14 year old niece probably has as much interest in you and all the little kids as you have in her - which is to say, very little indeed. She's 14 - she really isn't going to be getting in the way of all the small children playing with each other!

Ok I'm getting I might be being unreasonable.

If it takes two men four hours to fill a bath with a blue bucket, how long would it take a dog with a hosepipe?

Que?

It's Christmas. Your DIL is bringing her niece. That probably wasn't a decision that was made lightly, to have her niece with her instead of with one or both of her own parents. There may well be things going on that you don't know about.

Pull it together and welcome the girl. It's Christmas, for fuck's sake. She's family, even if only extended family. Show some holiday spirit and be inclusive for her and your SIL's sake. A 14 year old girl may also be lovely to have around; the littler ones will most likely enjoy having her attention.

Also, don't be one of those parents that force children to bond!
You sound very focused on the 'bonding', children will do things in their own time, The poor girl won't ruin anything

Well as others have said you really can’t decide who stays in your mothers house. Look, it’s great that you’ve adopted your dc and no doubt DB and SIL will be delighted to meet them but your posts give the impression that you have a very specific picture in your head about what this Christmas is going to be like ie family bonding with your dc.

You may be setting yourself up for disappointment OP. Besides the fact SILs niece is their family too, it’s quite possible that as well as spending time with your children, they may also want to do catch up with friends, other relatives, have days out by themselves. I know dc first Christmas with you is very special but you should try to manage your expectations.

so glad you looked read and realised your over thinking you OP.

Leave both nieces with your PIL.

They were rude to bring two dogs in the first place, could your sister not have your BIL and Uncle with them over christmas, especially as your mother has cut you out of her will.
I would also stop doing his laundry. Don't be a skivvy.

I would draw the line at the dogs though.