to ask how you got over the fear of driving on your own/returning to driving/driving on new roads

[BriechonCheese]

I passed my test years ago but for a long time after that I drove maybe 1-2 times a year and on roads in familiar with. I'm ok on familiar roads and for the past year have been driving the same 2/3 routes twice a day with no problems.

For a new contract I have to drive every day on different roads and I'm terrified. I had a few refresher lessons but the instructor was a nasty, racist, sexist idiot who knocking every ounce of confidence out of me. I can't really afford to shell out for more lessons until my contract starts paying.

I made two really stupid errors this evening and I feel close to giving up. At a junction coming from a small road onto a busy A road I sat in the middle of the small road rather than positioning myself for a right turn. Another was at a crossroads, where I placed myself too far into turn box (?) because the markings were so faded. I ended up slightly blocking the way for the people turning right from the other direction.

How on earth do you build up confidence?
I passed my test nearly a decade ago with very few minors but I felt like so much was missing - I didn't know how to overtake, I had only ever driven on a duel carriageway in the left lane (because that's all they do for the test where l lived at the time), I had done big roundabouts but never been near those areas where there are a series of roundabouts all feeding into each other. It took me ages to get over the fear off all that and to learn how to deal with it.

How do you build up your confidence when so much is at risk? I've come home shaking from those mistakes, scared that I could have hurt someone.

Any tips?

Oh and often times I'd have my boyfriend in the passenger seat physically bracing himself and making muffled screams every time I made a mistake so that didn't help! I'd be yelling at him for making me nervous!

Actually, I'm struggling a bit after an accident. I'm fine almost all the time, but I overreacted today. An oncoming vehicle swung out in front of me prior to turning left. I braked really sharply, having just had a head on which was not my fault.

I really hate having to get around parked cars on narrow bendy roads, and I no longer trust other drivers to do what they are supposed to!

Thank you all again for your tips and also for sharing your experiences of anxiety and accidents etc., I know that can be difficult - I'm very appreciative.

I have been out today with my phone sat nav (DH is going to try and get me a proper sat nav this weekend - as I need the battery to stay well charged for my phone for work) and a cushion on my seat and felt a lot more in control. Right turns just terrify me like nothing else, I always panic I'm in the wrong place. I'm going to work out a route on my phone where I have to do lots and lots of them and damn well get over my fear.

I was in a head on collision, the driver coming toward us came round the bend on the wrong side of the road. I think since then I haven't been able to forgive myself little mistakes with even small things like positioning because I know how badly wrong things can go on the road.

To whoever said that all drivers want to go A to B without hitting someone, oddly that really helps. I suppose we are all out there trying to get where we need to go with out hurting anyone, so hopefully people will be patient with mistakes rather than acting in haste and causing an accident.

I'm actually fairly good at driving in the dark because I did the bulk of my learning in 4pm-6pm lessons, during the depths of winter.

That's what happened to me Brechin! But you know what, that wasn't someone's little mistake, that was a great big mistake! Nothing you did could have stopped it- nothing I did could have stopped it.

I am working on the basis that statistically I have had my accident now, so should be ok!

I had a similar thing, what helped me was having a calm, non judgemental experienced driver next to me, who didn't comment on my driving, but was there for panicked questions (my mother in law). Also just doing it. literally doing the stuff you fear (for me it was joining a motorway).

More of the same from me. I'm really nervous on unfamiliar roads, even after 12 years of driving and I find the following helps:

• satnav
• practice runs at quiet times
• generally just making myself drive in no pressure situations sometimes eg I've just moved to a new area so the roads aren't familiar yet, so sometimes I'll go somewhere I don't need to go, such as a supermarket, just as an excuse to drive. Because I don't need to go, there's no pressure on me so I go out with the mindset that I can turn back if I feel worried or can't get parked. The lack of pressure really helps and d'you know what? I've managed it every time.
• as previous point but with going for drives. Sometimes I just go for a drive for no reason. It's related to taking the pressure off as I don't have to go a particular way, I can do what feels comfortable but I find it useful for getting my bearings which means if I get lost or encounter a road closure at a later date, I have a grasp of what direction to go in.
• another vote for Street view too!

RoSPa. Look up the closest group, go for a meetup, it will change your life.

Honestly the only way over it is to drive. The more you worry and don't drive the more you'll get yourself in a mess..

I'll probably get shot down in a hail of mumsnet flames here but it really worries me how people can go on the road if they can't position correctly for a right turn, or havent driven a car in years and then expect to get behind the wheel. As with any skill constant use is necessary and I do feel if you've not driven for a year or more (especially those who pass and then never drive) That really you should be required to take refresher lessons. As an experienced driver I can't believe there are drivers who don't know how to do roundabouts whether they're big, small or lots of consecutive ones, seems awfully risky to me.

My sister passed her test almost 2 years ago. She still can't manoeuvre at slow speeds, like parking without stalling and a hill start is a no go. I can't go in the car with her, I just don't feel safe and I worry as my town has lots of fast road roundabouts as she has a tendency to stall when she pulls away. I've tried giving her advice, when she first passed I took her out for hours and hours trying to help her but she just isn't a good driver.

So my advice, go out, drive lots and learn the highway code not just the roads. Know that, and then all roads are the same with the same rules.

@Arrowfanatic I'm not flaming you but your advice is contradictive as you say she shouldn't drive if she hasn't for a while but then that she needs to drive to improve.
IMO I think that good drivers are good drivers regardless of their experience. If someone is anxious that doesn't mean they fall into the default position of being a pants driver.

I got roasted on here for complaining about my drive way and it being very narrow to get my huge car on.
In spite of that, I am an excellent driver. I drive everywhere now and I still don't enjoy some things but love my freedom.

The best advice is you can always stop if you want to and to remember that you can be nervous and good at the same time!

I took a car on a test drive today and the man in the car said I was genuinely the best drive he had been on since he can remember. Fwiw I am 25 and I got in a car a bit smaller or maybe a bit bigger then mine and just drove it off. So, no matter how you feel about your self it won't always be the same about your driving.

People told me I shouldn't drive, that I shouldn't have the car I do, that if I can't park then I shouldn't drive. But I can!!! All I needed was a hand hold,

Did you sit on a cushion today, if so, was it better?

I can see the contradiction what I meant was, I think there are drivers who shouldn't be on the road and surely basic driving tests should show if a driver can position a car correctly and certainly if you haven't driven in years and years then it should be a requirement to have a refresher however as that clearly isnt the case then the only answer is to get out and drive lots and familiarise themselves with the highway code better. Hope that makes better sense

@Arrowfanatic you can take me for a spin

@duckduckmouse I'd take you out, better to go out with someone who is a confident driver who can help you than go out on your own and get in an anxious, nervous mess or worst case have an accident. I want everyone to be confident, competant drivers. It does worry me that there may be drivers out there who aren't, not to mention those illegal arseholes (I'm watching Police Interceptors as I type and good God!!! Lol)

Driving an automatic helps a lot, allows you to focus on positioning and think less about stalling.

I’d love to ask-how many of you who have overcome your fear have driven overseas? I’m in a different country with six lane highways...honestly however much I know the tribute he sheer scale of it all overwhelms me.::

I have similar problems, OP. I learned to drive in NZ, then didn't really drive for 10 years after I moved over here. NZ roads are WIDE and OPEN! British roads are narrow and crowded. Driving terrified me.

I found a really good instructor here (after a less good one shattered my confidence) and passed my test last year.

I'm still nervous driving, but had to take myself to the out of hours doctor late one VERY rainy night, and that actually helped a lot. I managed it fine.

Still crap at parking. But each time I go out in the car it's a little less frightening, even when I have my three children in the back seat.

It is mostly just getting out there and driving, and getting used to the car.

I just had to do it. I used to be in tears some mornings at a huge busy roundabout (joining from a v minor road hardly anyone went down - there are traffic lights there now) but after driving every day in bad traffic for a few months I got used to it. I was nearly as stressed when I first drove abroad, but after my divorce there was no other choice if I wanted to take the kind of holidays I love.

Push on through. Sat nav probably helps nowadays.

Oh, I don't know how to drive a manual I only have an automatic license.
I have driven in Switzerland and Italy and France and it's fine :)

I so know what you're feeling. We've come back after living abroad for years and as I was anxious got some lessons with an instructor who was just the worst instructor in the world. Completely destroyed my confidence.

Anyway, others have said this but the thing is to just drive. Practise deep breathing to help your system lower your anxiety.

That's for that YouTube link, I'll look that up.

Good luck, and thanks to all who have advice x

Soberexpat I drove in the UK and abroad, on any type of the road you can imagine (even the ones with six lanes ;-) ), on very crowded roads and empty roads, on German autobahn etc.
When I started I remember I was a horrendously terrible driver, I have no idea how they let me out on the road. Two years later I drove through the center of Paris with no stress of fear.
Anyone can learn to be a safe driver and to read the road properly.

If parking bothers you, don't let it. It's only a car. So what if you scratch it? You can go in and out 20 times if you want or need to. Don't feel pressured by other people. Make them wait!
It matters if you scratch your car on someone else's car though! And no, don't go in and out 20 times making people wait. If you can't park-get some lessons or go to an empty car park and practice.

Also when you want to cross a line of traffic pull into the middle of the road so straddle both lanes. People will be able to get around you from behind and the other side of the road will normally have space to accomandate this
This is really bad advice, please don't position your car like this, it's really unsafe. Only cross over onto the other side when it is SAFE to do so. Don't put yourself in the path of oncoming cars and hope 'they will have space (and every driver is paying attention,etc) to accommodate this'.

I agree with @Arrowfanatic though, it's actually quite scary that so many people aren't confident on motorways, RABs, don't know where to position their car, how to park, etc. I've read a few threads on accidents too and people are literally clueless who is at fault/who has the right of way.

OP, you sound very considerate and aware but maybe try a different instructor and have some more lessons. Things like knowing where to position your car need to be taught as just gussing/practicing until you get it right doesn't seem safe.

I used to set my sat nav for wherever I needed to go, and follow it. If the quickest route was on a motorway, or through a busy town centre, then so be it. I didn't let myself choose another route to avoid things that worried me. I promise you that it does get better, but you need to practise.

I think I do know where to position myself, more than I'm letting on. I'm just so terrified of leading the traffic and having people waiting behind me whilst I'm waiting for a gap (turning right) so yesterday I pulled forward a little too far and it played heavily on my mind. I wasn't in the way of traffic but the person turning from the opposite direction had to put a little more steer on than I would personally like. In reality we were both safe and it was probably within the boundaries of where we would be but I know my driving instructor would have shouted (yes he was a charmer) at me - he is the main reason I have no confidence.

I know what to do on a roundabout, I certainly know how to be safe but I think they overwhelm me. There are a series of roundabouts near Manchester Airport that has one roundabout feeding into another with one lane turning into 3. There is no signage above and the other signage is covered by trees. The floor directions are always covered with cars - I have NO idea how to navigate this. I used sat nav today and got it first time and everything was easy.

I went out this evening and did a loop of about 20 different right turns. I feel a lot more confident.

My DH is really good and helped me when I originally learnt - he taught me to parallel park very quickly. He is very calm, very patient but for some reason I go to pieces around him. I think I feel like I'm letting him down - it's my own personal thing. He says I'm a very safe driver but it is obvious to him that I'm worried about what other drivers will think.

I appreciate all of the advice, I'm taking it all on board. I'm going to drive, drive, drive and re-read my Highway Code.
Everyday I have to take new routes for my new contact, so I need to be prepared for everything.

I'm a laid back driver. I'll drive anywhere. Nothing bothers me. Even so, I would be surprised if anyone was that bothered by the small errors you describe - and if they were, they need to manage their road rage.

We all stuff up sometimes. We've all done the same things you have. Nobody is a perfect driver and we all have room to improve.

Get those extra lessons when you can - with a kind instructor this time. Good luck, it'll be okay!

I just wanted to come back and thank everyone for their replies on this thread.
I've taken everything on board and can't believe how much your advice has helped me, so thank you! I feel a lot more self-assured and I've taken time to challenge myself by going on the more difficult (but quicker) routes and taking a slow, methodical, calm approach. Everyone wants to get their in one piece, so no one is willing me to fail!

I am going to get some motorway lessons very soon. In the mean time I have been going out with my friend every few days for evening drives and just getting back into the hang of changing lanes at speeds etc. and I already feel a bit more confident.

Thank you again, you have all made the world of difference.

So so happy to hear this!