to ask how you got over the fear of driving on your own/returning to driving/driving on new roads

[BriechonCheese]

I passed my test years ago but for a long time after that I drove maybe 1-2 times a year and on roads in familiar with. I'm ok on familiar roads and for the past year have been driving the same 2/3 routes twice a day with no problems.

For a new contract I have to drive every day on different roads and I'm terrified. I had a few refresher lessons but the instructor was a nasty, racist, sexist idiot who knocking every ounce of confidence out of me. I can't really afford to shell out for more lessons until my contract starts paying.

I made two really stupid errors this evening and I feel close to giving up. At a junction coming from a small road onto a busy A road I sat in the middle of the small road rather than positioning myself for a right turn. Another was at a crossroads, where I placed myself too far into turn box (?) because the markings were so faded. I ended up slightly blocking the way for the people turning right from the other direction.

How on earth do you build up confidence?
I passed my test nearly a decade ago with very few minors but I felt like so much was missing - I didn't know how to overtake, I had only ever driven on a duel carriageway in the left lane (because that's all they do for the test where l lived at the time), I had done big roundabouts but never been near those areas where there are a series of roundabouts all feeding into each other. It took me ages to get over the fear off all that and to learn how to deal with it.

How do you build up your confidence when so much is at risk? I've come home shaking from those mistakes, scared that I could have hurt someone.

Any tips?

I like to use both - real sat nav is much easier to follow, better junction visualisation but the phone one picks up traffic faster.

Your errors sound v minor, I really wouldn't stress!

I think it took me 10,000 miles of driving after I had passed my test to feel like I was a really decent driver. (And I'm still crap if I'm knackered!)

I'm the same and I'm still struggling with it now. I live near a motorway and several big roundabouts and I've noticed some of the driving schools nearby have YouTube videos which go into detail about how to approach them, which lanes to take etc. I've been studying them before trying the routes early in the morning. Maybe there's something like that for your area?

Definitely get sat nav and have it set up so that you can see in advance what lane you need and what the junction will look like.

You could also ask a friend - someone calm, who you trust - to go out with you a few times and remind you about what to do at junctions and roundabouts and so on. But really, the only way to build confidence is just to do it.

Agree with others with regards to sat nav, i use my phone and the comfort of knowing it will reroute me if i make an error generally means i dont get into a fluster and make silly mistakes.
I passed 2 years ago but drive alot and only noticed in the last 6 months that i have lost a huge amoubt of driving anxiety. It does come with time and practice.
I think checking out the route before you leave on maps so you know generally what to expect helps a lot. And just take your time, if you feel flustered slow down to give yourself time to think. It will start to fall into place

Can you see properly out of the car? I sit on 2 cushions and it's massively improved my confidence as I now know where the side of the car is instead of feeling panicked and as if I can't get the car into a gap?

So many great ideas! Thank you all so much.
I'm going to use the sat nav on my phone and look to get a separate one in the sales.

A cushion might also be a good idea. I'm not particularly small but yes, sometimes I do feel like I struggle seeing the sides of the car and even the end of the bonnet and have no idea the length of my car.

Thank you all, so, so much. You've already helped me feel a bit more together.

For anyone else struggling I can recommend World of Driving on YouTube, his videos made me feel a lot more confident about parking, getting onto motorways and a few more things.

That's the thing, cars are nearly impossible to see over the bonnet of.
That's why I used the cushions and it's improved my confidence so much.
One other thing. You can always stop if you need to. If parking bothers you, don't let it. It's only a car. So what if you scratch it? You can go in and out 20 times if you want or need to. Don't feel pressured by other people. Make them wait!

Also when you want to cross a line of traffic pull into the middle of the road so straddle both lanes. People will be able to get around you from behind and the other side of the road will normally have space to accomandate this

I'm putting a cushion in the car tomorrow, for sure. I think it will give me just that little bit more of the road to see. Sometimes I just cannot make out the markings in front of me (vision very good) until I'm almost up upon them.

Don't worry too much about minor mistakes, if you hold a hand up to apologise to any other drivers and thank them for their patience, they can be quite forgiving. You always get the odd impatient idiot, just smile at them, it unnerves them lol

Also, remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes! The more you drive, the more you'll see other drivers get mixed up over road markings, forget the rules at roundabouts and otherwise do stuff that gets them hooted at!

Yes a hand up to apologise cancels any dickish moves!

I've had the rage for people pulling a bad move but a hand up, all is then forgiven

I was in two crashes (both motorway/freeway) and another very near miss in a year. None of them my fault.

But I just didn't have a choice - I had to drive to get to work, and pretty much every where else.

I just kept on driving. I did over 700 miles a week. Gradually my confidence came back.

After 20 years of driving I had to drive on the motorway! I booked an hours lesson with an instructor for nervous drivers and he was fantastic. He explained how motorway junctions worked and how to get on and off them! We spent an hour getting on and off motorways 😊 Driving on them was fine!! When he had broken it all down into moves it was fine and I can drive anywhere now 😊 Wish I'd done it years ago.

I am rather like you, OP. You do have my sympathy.

I can only echo the advice you have already had. The only answer really is to gradually build up and just do it.

I am largely a local driver. That is where I feel happiest. However, I now have a teenage DD who has been selected to play hockey at county level, and could even be selected to go to national level. Therefore I realise that I no longer have the option to always stay in my comfort zone.

I have done a couple of longer runs, and wasn't too bad with it. DH will do more as he enjoys that sort of driving, but I know that I will have to do some, so have started.

Just try and remember that everyone makes little mistakes whilst driving, there are just some who shrug it off.

If you are driving every day for your job you will become much more confident much more quickly. I passed my test last September but started my driving job in January and now I'm a really confident driver because I've had to be. Practice is really the answer in my experience.

Skimmed thread and you've had lots of good advice: looking at the route on google maps, driving the route at quiet times ect.

Can i add: there seems to be a HUGE increase in angry and impatient drivers out there over the last few years. Sometimes you can't do wrong for right on the roads according to the other drivers around you.

• Ignore hand flappers and the honkers. They'll be flapping and honking at some other poor sod in 5 minutes.
• Stay calm and drive well.
• Don't be bullied to break the speed limit. You have as much right to be there as them - Fuck 'em

Practice. The more you do it the easier it gets. After I passed my test I hated it, especially new places. Like you I had to drive for work and it just gradually got easier. Now I drive anywhere.

I think the problem is overthinking things, for example overtaking on a dual carriageway or motorway just means you need to get into the other lane when clear and drive faster than the car next to you. Nothing more to it!

That's interesting Laiste, I've been driving a decade and definitely not noticed any increase in other drivers being aggressive/angry or anything like that. Then again I'm the type of driver to go at/very just beyond the limit, move for people who want to go faster, and I'm quick thinking and rarely hesitate at junctions when there's space to go so I wonder if that's why. If other drivers are very slow and hesitant maybe they get a lot more road rage their way.

I wouldn't worry about that OP, you can't control other people's actions. The times I've had angry gestures are when I have actually made an error not just for no reason.

Hi Briechoncheese.

Just popping in to give you a virtual solidarity shoulder punch.

I'm the same. Moved out of a big city to the country having not driven really in nearly 20 years and suddenly had to drive everywhere with kids wailing in the back of the car. I'm still a nervous driver but it did get much easier over a period of about a year. I'd also recommend sat nav and using Google maps before a journey so you can see the landmarks etc and know where there are bits of road coming up you might struggle with. I also plot routes to avoid motorways wherever I can.

The thing that helped me most was a friend (also a nervous driver) who said what you have to remember is that everyone else on the road just wants to get from A to B without hitting each other. I think, subconsciously, I thought other drivers were all out to get me. Thinking of us all just trying to do the same thing weirdly made me feel much less nervous! Good luck!

My sister passed her test last year & was really struggling with confidence. I went out with her and realised it's because she's constantly worried about what other drivers think of her.
'I've been waiting so long to pull out of this junction, I must be annoying the guy behind'
'I want to overtake [motorway] but what if I'm not quite quick enough & the guy speeding up the outside lane gets annoyed?'
60mph country lane - 'its so twisty & narrow I just can't drive that fast, but don't want to hold people up' (it really was narrow - even I wouldn't have managed much more than 40mph, & I'm one who gets v annoyed at being held up)
Etc etc.
I just keep telling her - who cares?! Really, they don't know her, she doesn't them...it's not like they're going to hunt down the girl in the blue car who hesitated to pull out at a roundabout! She will annoy people at times, we all do. But what does it matter? Every journey I make these days I have someone going far too slow, or pulling out in front of me, or cutting me up...it's annoying, but it's par for the course these days, & I certainly don't pay any further attention to the person annoying me after the incident.

I'm only mentioning this because the examples you gave sound very familiar!

It can take a whole. Go easy on yourself. I was in a car accident and had to go back to driving within a week. It was very scary and I definitely felt jumpy for a while. It does get easier though. Just keep going out and you'll gradually find your confidence increasing. Don't give up.

Sat nav is great and just experience makes things easier. My OH snapped his femur 5 days after I passed my driving test and I found myself having to drive a huge amount, moved to another part of the county to be with him and commuting 90 minutes both ways to work. Having to do so much driving definitely increased my confidence and I'm quite happy to tackle unfamiliar routes now (been driving 2 years). That said, I haven't attempted a motorway yet. I ask my OH questions when we're driving on one and will have him with me when I first attempt one.

I also find using Google maps and images and seeing my destination/route before I set off helps me too

Ask a calm friend to come on a few practice drives with you, they can advise on positioning etc.
Also, have a few practice drives in the dark as will be coming home in the dark. If you normally only drive on well lit roads, don't forget about your full beam on country roads ( dip when you see the lights of another car coming towards you).
In some ways country roads are easier at night as you get more warning if something approaching and have time to prepare, rather than being startled by someone whizzing around a corner unexpectedly.
Brush up.on your road signs if you are not sure, they give a lot of information about junctions, road conditions, who has right of way etc.
Motorways can seem daunting but they are actually some of the easiest roads to drive on. Junctions are numbered so you can prepare a couple of junctions before you need to exit.
Hope that doesn't sound patronising, just trying to give a few helpful pointers.
Also, if you have to drive through Swindon, plan an alternative route around the magic roundabout, it's enough to give the most hardened driver palpitations!!

Get used to making mistakes- we all do. It's ok, most of them are inconvenient rather than dangerous.

Also, practice. I am teaching DS2 at the moment. We go out early on Saturdays and Sundays when the roads are really quiet. You'll soon get used to it.

Just jumped right in and did it...had a few close calls, including hitting someone in front at the roundabout, hitting a bollard while reversing, nearly knocking into a car in the next lane at a roundabout (can you see a pattern? I hated roundabouts)

I just never reached the speed limit of the roads but soon picked up the habits of other drivers and took off my P plate so I wouldn't be overtaken so much! I suppose being young and naive helped shield me from the fears and dangers of driving