To ask for more time with my own children

[justsmileandwave28]

Since splitting from my ex partner 6 years ago I feel like I hardly see my children :( they go to their dads every weekend Friday to Sunday evening.
So I feel like I only get the rubbish times :( School tea bath bed.
When I ask to have them he gets upset because he too goes all week with out seeing them which again I understand. He’s a brilliant dad! And I can’t fault him. But I wanna maybe do something fun with them now and then but there’s no time in the week as I work and then it’s homework then tea and bed by 7.30-8 pm.
Any one got suggestions? It’s also his turn this xmas so he gets xmas with them too this year :( it’s not normal to miss your own children surely ?

Ah, he's that sort of 'brilliant dad'. My ex-H was one of those. The type who likes to bask in the glory of being considered a brilliant dad - but his brilliance did not extend to adjusting any work commitments to accommodate DD. That fell to me yet, weirdly, I was never considered a 'brilliant mum' for spending years as a lone parent trying to juggle raising our daughter with working in low paid jobs. I was never afforded the luxury of citing 'work commitments' as an excuse for being unable to take any responsibility for our DD at any point from Monday through to Friday.

How very fortunate your ex is. He's got the best of all worlds - pursuing his career during the week, then spending quality time with his children every single weekend. And all the while wrapping himself in this cloak of brilliance, while the needs of the DC's and you come way down his list. Why is he not supportive of the idea that you and the DC's might want to spend some time together? And, in fact, "gets upset" when it's suggested? Because it would mean some sacrifice for him, that's why not.

Every other weekend and he can come to your city every Wednesday and take them out for dinner.

It easier to be a great dad when you only do weekends. No frantic searching for school stuff at 7.30am, no homework at 7.30 pm.
Have a lie in, nice flexible day.

Rearrange the weekends.

Two weekends a month he sees them Fri to Sun. One weekend they go to his on Saturday evening or Sunday morning so they spend abit of time with both of you, one weekend they stay with you.

In a short time they will want to be friends more at weekends so will want to spend more weekend time at home (near their school friends (i.e with you)

If he’s brilliant dad then he should accept that the kids need weekend time with their mum too.

Who gets them all the school holidays?

He'll have to change his work commitments then, won't he? Tons of women end up doing this to be around for their kids - usually at the cost of their career advancement or salary - yet men just get to say 'work commitments' and expect their family to do all the accommodating. As 5rivers said, he can have them EOW and come and take them out for midweek tea instead.

What if every other weekend they go Saturday evening to Sunday evening to him? And that way you get Friday night and all day Saturday.

What happens when they have parties etc?

Good idea about midweek dinner! They're old enough I think.

7.30 is an early bedtime for 9 and 11!

For Christmas can't they stay at his on the eve until about 12 and then he can drop them off to you?.

When me and my ex split up he took my daughter every weekend....like others have said i did all the shit during the week and he got the fun times...
I put my foot down after a few months and we now do every other weekend.
He cant really have her during the week due to school transport issues...shes 14 though and pretty much will say if she doesnt want to go to his.

Youve drawn the short straw here massively OP. He's laughing. Again, how do the school holidays work? Presume he covers his half at least here? I suspect his 'work commitments' mean not?

Sorry didn’t mean bed and asleep by 7.30 I mean settle down pyjamas dvd or book etc. I’m going to bring it up again when I drop them this weekend and explain my reasons.

In the school holidays it’s more his time as hel book time off way ahead
And take them on holidays and stuff which is lovely but again keeps me feeling like crap

Do you think the kids would like to change the arrangement?

I had spoken to them and they don’t seem bothered by it at all

Bet that if they had the experience of a 'lazy weekend' at home they'd love it. My DS does.

Wish we could

There's lots of school holidays through the year - does ex take them all

My ex has ds from Friday night to Saturday night and then he comes back to me so we have a day each at the weekend. He’s quite happy to have him for a night in the week if need be though, but it’s easier all round if ds is here in the week as the school bus goes from here and it’s a bit of a trek for his dad to get him to school on time.

Have 1 weekend day each and then he can have them one or two week nights as well.
Don't have Christmas every other year. I used to see my mum xmas eve and xmas morning and then my dad afternoon/eve. Was much nicer!
Holidays should be split between you too.

Find a good family mediator and they'll help you find a solution. There's a reason why the courts historically have ordered every weekend and it's so that the premium time is shared fairly.

*ordered every other weekend I mean!

I'm afraid I think alternating Christmas is fair, though I hate it when it's not my turn. You should definitely get half the fun time though.