Aibu to think that no gender is perfect

[Yourownworstenemy]

I genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable here.

I feel like there is so much stuff around at the minute hating on men (even before the weinstien thing) I feel like it's almost becoming ALL women against ALL men.

Do not get me wrong I fully agree we should all (men and women) stand with victims and fight for justice and punishment for the perpetrators.

But I just feel a bit like certain groups are using recent events to 'prove' all men are abusers, it's almost become all women are victims and all men are abusers, i agree the men (and women) who have committed crimes should be punished but there are many men in the world that aren't abusers, and there are many women in the world that are, and I feel like we are becoming a bit blind to that in recent years.

In real life I daren't voice this though because I'm not always the most articulate person and I feel It might seem like I am defending people like Weinstein which obviously I am definitely not doing!

[WhyDidIEatThat]

But ‘most violent crime is committed by men’ is not ‘all men can be considered guilty of violent crime’ though? Is it?

[LineysRun]

Oh ffs don't be ridiculous

[ButchyRestingFace]

Bloody hell, OP, I think WhyDidIEatThat probably got the message after the fourth time you posted that.

No need to post it five times just because you forgot the full stop at the end of the sentence on the first two attempts.

[Yourownworstenemy]

No whydidieatthat it isn't, which is why when I saw someone implying that I thought it was unfair! Which is my point

[Yourownworstenemy]

Clearly my internet is not working properly butchy but thanks for the tip

[upperlimit]

If this 'someone else', who we can't see, did actually infer that all men are violent then it sounds like she has lived a life that validates this opinion.

I don't think jumping up and down complaining that this isn't fair is worth your or our time.

Those who are unlucky enough to have been so utterly broken by violent men that they believe that all men are violent, aren't going to care that your dad is quite nice.

[ILoveUsernames]

Can you clarify that you think being male is a gender?? I can't get further than that tbh

I'm a bit off topic here and may come across as a bit thick but isn't being male a gender? Like " what's your gender?" "I'm male/female" ?!

[Brazenhussy0]

I feel like there is so much stuff around at the minute hating on men

Yeah. Might be because men keep murdering/abusing/raping/attacking women, children, animals and other men.
Which is worse? Being hated on and having your wee feelings hurt, or being murdered? Because that's essentially what this comes down to.

Not all men are violent, but most violence (~99%) is committed by men.
Not all men are violent, but many, many men do not stand up to male violence and are happy to let the status quo continue.

[gamerwidow]

It’s not them and us it’s everyone against everyday sexism and sexual predators.
No one is saying all men are bad or that all male behaviour is bad but there is a pervasive culture of sexism and abuse that does exist.
Equally no one thinks all women are sweetness and light but you can be an arsehole and still deserve not to be sexually harassed.

[Yourownworstenemy]

Gamerwidow what you said is basically the point I was trying to make!

[AdalindSchade]

I'm a bit off topic here and may come across as a bit thick but isn't being male a gender? Like " what's your gender?" "I'm male/female"

That's sex. Your sex is male or female. Gender doesn't mean male and female it means societal stereotypes and expectations of males and females.

[VladmirsPoutine]

OP, I think in some bizarre convoluted way I do see the point you are trying to make.

HOWEVER, can you not see that the fact that it's taken a case this huge to spark a discussion and acknowledgement of essentially male violation towards women is important?

This is something I think most (if not every woman) has always been aware of but lo- it took a catalogue of historical abuse by a very prominent man for this issue to even be in the spotlight, therefore it's important to get the message out there that; yes women are not props or toys to be used or played with at a man's pleasure.

Espousing views coated in egalitarianism i.e. it should be 'all none-abusers united against abusers regardless of gender' rather defeats the purpose. That sort of rhetoric seeks to brush the issue further under the carpet.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I think we all need to stop this preciousness about ‘oh my poor son being tarred with the same brush’. He’s really not, they aren’t the ones who need or sympathy and support, and if they’re very bothered about being labelled violent then they can always work with their peers to stop sexism, call men out who treat women badly and be part of the cause to help women. Seems more productive than moaning that they’re being victimised.

I say this as a mother to a son. Frankly I’m more worried that he’ll turn out to be sexist than a victim of sexism, no matter how much raising a feminist son I’m doing. A Society that teaches him that women are second class citizens is a pretty big contender there

[stitchglitched]

I wonder at the mindset of someone who, in hearing case after distressing case of sexual assault re HW, on seeing so many women saying MeToo, decides that their main concern is men and making sure that they aren't being treated unfairly.

[Yourownworstenemy]

You've all chosen to miss my point, and ironically you're all basically agreeing with my point while trying to prove how wrong I am.

You're ignoring most of my input anyway so I'll leave you all to be offended without me

[LineysRun]

So it's all lolz to you, really?

[LineysRun]

Oh and invest in a dictionary when you've stopped pissing yourself

[Yourownworstenemy]

Just before I go, actually yes I do think male is a gender

So does mumsnet apparently so if you want someone to be appalled at with regards to that, then you know where to start 👍

[Witsender]

Yeah, hilarious.

There is a massive difference between 'most violent crime is committed by men' and 'most men commit violent crime'. If you can't see that then that is your issue I'm afraid.

[Witsender]

Gender is not the same as sex FFS. Male is a sex. A chromosome thing.

[Motherbear26]

I certainly agree that not all men are bad or assault women, but I think this past week has clearly highlighted the fact that ‘good’ men often turn a blind eye when they know they should intervene. I also think that most men have no clue how often the average woman is harassed to any degree and if this makes them realise how difficult and awkward everyday situations can be for women, and how easy it would be for them to step up and help, I think I can tolerate a few blokes having their feelings a bit hurt.

I have a son, and I’m far more concerned about teaching him how to behave respectfully towards women than about the impact of any negatativity about men in the media. This is not about him. It is about women finally standing up against an entire culture of toxic masculinity. I don’t worry that my ds will be seen as guilty of anything simply by virtue of being male. But I do worry about the type of society my dd is growing up in. Until recently, I had thought that things had changed since I was young. Now I’m not so sure and that terrifies me.

Nearly every women reading this will know exactly the sort of ‘minor’ harassment that young girls face on an almost daily basis. Most men have the luxury of having no clue or seeing it as harmless banter. My ds knows how destructive and harmful such attitudes can be. He knows that women are his equal. They are friends. They are people. Their voice is every bit as important as his. Some men don’t. When that changes, I might worry about him being offended that some woman on fb thinks all men are evil.

[Kewcumber]

If you are talking about #MeToo then in my mind it's not about women vs all men but bringing into the light how much sexual harrassment women have historically put up with.

I think we all minimise it.

My first thought when I saw it was that there can't be many women of my generation (50+) who haven't put up with it.

Even some random geezer in the supermarket feels entitled to tell me to "Cheer up love" (which I know isn't sexual harrassment but is indicative of what men feel comfortable saying to women that no-one would say to a man).

I'd love to believe:

a) the younger generation of women haven't put up with it to the same degree we did
b) decent men will be horrified and take note of the problem that we have all put up with unvoiced for so long.

[Yourownworstenemy]

Motherbear your point that 'good' men turned a blind eye is exactly my point, it was 'good' men AND women who turned a blind eye, and I don't mean the women who were abused, because not coming forward as a victim is understandable, but many men and women have come out as knowing or suspecting what was going in and turning a blind eye, so to put that solely on men is unfair

[Witsender]

But the men hold more power in the situation and are not in fear of it happening to them too. Can you see the difference?

[Yourownworstenemy]

Why do men hold more power? Aren't we equal?