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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breaking up with lazy bastard boyfriend

85 replies

FatArseChair · 17/10/2017 14:08

Hes 30 and still lives at home with his mum (who does everything for him). He comes to visit me every weekend. Friday night he turns up early and tell him I'm on my way out. He asks where even though he knows full well I go to karate on a Friday night. He said he'd come and watch. He then spends the 2 hours sat taking the piss. Instructor (reputation for being an absolute fucking maniac when riled) asks him what his problem is. DP says he thinks it's funny watching me fight. Instructor tells him never to under estimate a woman and suggests he take his shoes off and fights someone in the class if it's all so funny. DP refuses and says he wouldn't want to hurt anyone. Instructor laughs in his face. DP goes quiet then afterwards tells me instructor is a bell end and I should stop going. I tell him I wasn't entertaining that idea but told him he was a bastard for embarrassing me like that in front of my fellow club members. He says it over reacting. On the night instructor sends me a message saying he hoped I wasn't embarrassed by what had happened. He then adds "just thinking, you told me you wanted to lose weight, I can think of an excellent way you could lose 15 stone over night".

Anyway. Onwards to Saturday morning DP is still in bed snoring at 9am so I go off and do park run. Get home and he'd still in bed so I go swimming. 11.30 come home and he's still in bed but playing on his phone. He says "where have you been?? I haven't even had a coffee or any breakfast". I lose my shit and say "get off your fat fucking arse and make yourself some then". He snaps that I'm "bang out of order" and when he comes to see me I shouldn't fuck off out. I tell him that when he comes to see me he shouldn't be a lazy cunt and stay in bed all morning. He says he's entitled to a lie in when he works all week. I tell him to lie in at his own house then instead of stinking out my bedroom.

Saturday afternoon and he'd continuously nagging about food. On the night he orders himself a huge takeaway and sits there drinking beer and inhaling this shit food. I tell him I can't see a future as we're just too different. He accuses some me of having an affair with karate instructor (who happens to be 20 years older than me and married). Yesterday he text me asking what we're doing this weekend as he wants a lie in!!!! I text him back saying not to bother coming as I have karate Friday night, park run Saturday and gym Sunday and don't want to sit filling my body with alcohol and fat all weekend. He sent a message last night saying I have broken him. I'm fucking livid.

OP posts:
ShutUpBaz · 17/10/2017 15:38

Ugh there is nothing more vagina-drying than a misogynistic mummys boy.

Kick his lazy butt to the kerb. Broken him indeed?! What a drama llama he is!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 17/10/2017 15:41

I find the double standards in MN really fascinating.

If this was a man posting and he said the things the Op has said to a partner he would have been utterly berated. Yet because it's a woman saying it to a partner she's awesome? Wow.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/10/2017 15:46

Not if the OP revealed she had said what her BF said at the karate class.

What they all said - get rid, don't look back. You can do a lot better, OP. You sound ace.

RebeccatheOld · 17/10/2017 15:49

YABU - but only because you should have broken up with him before now!

You were rude but he was a dick. Chuck him.

PoorYorick · 17/10/2017 15:50

That might be because there aren't many threads on here about women who disparage their boyfriends at their sports classes, lie around expecting to be fed and demand that the boyfriends don't leave the house while the women have a lie in.

Strokethefurrywall · 17/10/2017 15:55

Pffft, I don't blame you for being rude, I'd have done the same thing! YANBU and you don't sound "rude" at all, nor are you "as bad as him" - jesus, some posters really like to sneer at others don't they. You can bet your arse I'd have been calling him a lazy cunt as well if he behaved like that.

Get rid of the total knob end and enjoy your life without the man-child in your bed. You will feel SOOOOOO much better Grin

MistressDeeCee · 17/10/2017 16:07

He's the one coming to your home, being bone idle, also coming to your class and taking the piss out of you in front of people. Which is disruptive to other students to boot

Yet some posters on here are saying YOU don't sound very nice?!!!!

OP clearly you should be a NICE little woman in the face of laziness insults and public embarassment and derogatory comments. You are not victim- like enough, you see.

Aside from that as several pps have said, yes leave him. He and mummy wil be alright together. Her son is her Sun no doubt, she'll get by with him back in her loving arms. Bit sad that she's an enabler re him being dysfunctional in several ways..the karate class incident is strange! But its really not your problem. You've lost respect for him and thats that. He needs to be gone

Good for you for 100% standing up for yourself. Ignore people who can't stand women doing that and hide it behind bitchy misandry.

You've told him to get lost and lets hope he stays lost

PoorYorick · 17/10/2017 16:09

Reading between the lines a bit here (because I couldn't understand how they'd got together either)....it looks to me as though OP may have made some lifestyle changes since getting together with the boyfriend. Karate instructor said she was trying to lose weight, she's active and eating healthily, and boyfriend, well, isn't.

So it looks like a classic case of two people getting together while in a similar unhealthy lifestyle, then one of them changes it and the other doesn't like it and tries to sabotage it. Not a healthy dynamic.

FatArseChair · 17/10/2017 16:11

But of backstory - been together 2 years. I've done karate for 20 years but only upped the fitness thing a year ago. So that's when I stopped drinking and eating shit (although it was never to his level!). So I suppose we became incompatible around a year ago.

He's always come here and then stayed in bed most of Saturday. I used to get up and potter around the house for hours but I got incredibly fed up of wasting every Saturday like this. I spoke to him about it and he always said he'd make more effort but never did.

Last weekend for example we were meant to be going for a drive to the coast but he never got up. This is why I get irate. He's a massive waste of time.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 17/10/2017 16:14

Why waste your time? Can you imagine what a ballache it'd be if you actually lived together?

Dump the sad bastard.

deepestdarkestperu · 17/10/2017 16:17

Why bother? You say yourself you’re incompatible, so instead of being rude to each other and arguing, just end it so you can both be happy.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/10/2017 16:24

Honestly, dump and move on. You'll feel so much better. And you really don't owe him any more of your time or attention.

LunchBoxPolice · 17/10/2017 16:24

I couldn't be bothered with someone who wanted to stay in bed all of Saturday, what a waste. Yanbu. You sound incompatible.

Appuskidu · 17/10/2017 16:26

Why don't you just split up with him?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/10/2017 16:27

Is there anything good about him?

specialsubject · 17/10/2017 16:35

And the reason you have sex with this man is....???

No kids, no shared house, no respect, no love, no fun. No reason.

Game over.

wonderfu · 17/10/2017 16:37

I think you are well rid of him.

oldlaundbooth · 17/10/2017 16:39

Sounds like you'd be better off with the karate instructor.

coddiwomple · 17/10/2017 16:46

You are right, your BF is lazy and sounds utterly useless. Life is too short, move on now. You need to be with someone who is fit, attractive and interesting. You might not do the same sport with the new guy, or even have the same hobbies at all, but relationship should bring something extra and special to your life.

If you do stay with him, despite knowing that he is a waste of time, you are becoming one too. You are also missing the chance of meeting the right one for you

Briette · 17/10/2017 16:49

The karate instructor sounds incredible. I think I've fallen in love with them myself just from the story!

Your BF is a jerk. He's probably upset and shamed that you do more exercise in a morning than I do in a month and looks forward to the routine of snuggly lazy Saturdays, but he lost all sympathy when he followed you to your class just to ridicule everyone there. Ditch him. He brings nothing to your life.

Billben · 17/10/2017 16:53

He sent a message last night saying I have broken him.

Boy, he's pathetic😂 Get rid. His behaviour at your class was embarrassing. Who would want to be seen associated with a man like that?

CuckooClockChimes · 17/10/2017 16:54

I think you're being a bit mean about the takeaway, lie in etc. If he has worked all week, he probably wants to relax with you at the weekend. A lot of couples spend Friday night eating a takeaway and Saturday morning relaxing.

However, I completely understand that he may be lazy as you said. Also, how he treated you at karate is completely unacceptable. To laugh at something you're passionate about is inexusable and publically embarass you. You need to go your seperate ways, OP.

CuckooClockChimes · 17/10/2017 16:56

Okay, I've just read your most recent post and I don't think you're being mean anymore.

He is unreliable and lazy.

Birdsgottafly · 17/10/2017 17:06

"AIBU to have lost my shit and sworn like a fishwife at him all weekend"

Yes. As said by a pp, if a female OP had written that her DP has gone a recent health kick and is verbally abusing her because she hadn't changed to suit him, then you'd have different answers.

It should have been ended a while back, after a discussion about you no longer being compatable.

HotelEuphoria · 17/10/2017 17:07

I don't think you are unreasonable. Well perhaps you are, but only for staying with him this long. He sounds absolutely awful.