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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To 'guide' teacher towards better internet safety?

126 replies

musicmaiden · 17/10/2017 13:50

DS8 has a newly qualified teacher for his form this year. We have not met her properly yet – the parents' evening is this week. DS has been having ICT lessons, including a focus on internet safety, this half term. He came back from school recently and asked DH why he needed so many passwords for the internet, as 'X said she is a bit rubbish with passwords so has the same one for everything which is easier'.

Now, of course, this was a throwaway comment, probably meant to be a bit jokey and self-effacing, but clearly DS had picked up on it. DH works in the tech industry and is shit-hot at this stuff so wasn't too impressed. He is now planning to take a sheet of info on password protection into the parents' evening to give to her and explain why she needs to vary her passwords and why it's not great to say what she did.

DH is very lovely and kind, and won't be trying to make her feel bad or anything, but AIBU to be nervous that she'll probably still be embarrassed and it'll chalk us up as 'those parents'? Or am I being a wuss and it's actually just constructive feedback?

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 17/10/2017 14:25

I font see how it is mansplaining ? Its not like hes going to explain german politics to angela merkel. The teacher is wrong

It's not that the teacher 'doesn't know' these things. If the OP's husband was a doctor and heard the cookery teacher was overweight and bragging about loving cake? Would he rock up to the school with healthy living leaflets? It's always 'mansplaining' if one person is explaining basic stuff to another, who is probably already aware they're not making the most 'informed' choices.

Bejeena · 17/10/2017 14:27

I'd just be more concern about what they are teaching an 8 year old about Internet safety, passwords probably not such an issue at this age. But who knows what is right. Lots of parents are dealing with something they didn't grow up with themselves. Personally I'd prefer my child to be taught about what it means to be safe and considerate on the Internet and not what some IT geeks says. Pretty sure everyone knows you should have different passwords for things

PurpleMinionMummy · 17/10/2017 14:27

I expect a lot of people have the same password or two for everything. She more than likely knows she shouldn't but like most of us can't be bothered to keep track of 50 billion different ones. I don't know how anyone would keep up if they had a different password for each site without a list, which in itself is also not great safety wise

crazycatgal · 17/10/2017 14:28

She probably can't be bothered remembering loads of different passwords, just like most people. I'm sure she knows that it is advisable to use different passwords.

Tell your DH to give himself a pat on the back for being king of internet safety and having 8 passwords and leave it at that.

OlennasWimple · 17/10/2017 14:28

Teacher is a grown-up and able to decide for herself how to live her life, including taking risks on the internet

EmilyEvasive · 17/10/2017 14:31

V v cringe of him to even consider this!

Original poster
musicmaiden · 17/10/2017 14:31

It's always 'mansplaining' if one person is explaining basic stuff to another, who is probably already aware they're not making the most 'informed' choices.

Well, no, it's only if it's a man explaining to a woman, isn't it?Presumably you can't mansplain to another man. Not sure if there is a word for women doing it to men or other women either...

I think his point is not what she's doing herself but what she's implied to the kids about passwords.

As I said, I am not comfortable with it either.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 17/10/2017 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleMinionMummy · 17/10/2017 14:36

But actually the one that irritates me is when you get those messages on fb saying "Please teach my class about Internet Safety by showing how far this can travel. Please comment by saying where you are"

I replied to one saying I couldn't say where as I was as it's not a good idea to let strangers in the internet know where you live Grin.
They seem to forget about teaching that safety bit then doing these.

EdmundCleverClogs · 17/10/2017 14:37

Well, no, it's only if it's a man explaining to a woman, isn't it?Presumably you can't mansplain to another man. Not sure if there is a word for women doing it to men or other women either...

Oh I don't think it's a correct 'term' in general, as anyone is really capable of doing it. However, other than 'being a patronising twunt', there's no other buzzword that covers this sort of behaviour.

Regardless, most here say he's unreasonable and you obviously agree on some level. You can't stop him, but you can tell him the only outcome of him doing this will be to embarrass himself.

Glumglowworm · 17/10/2017 14:37

I'm sure she knows she should have multiple passwords

I'm sure like the majority of people she just can't be arsed

Your DH walking in and mansplaining is going to make him look like a knob

Original poster
musicmaiden · 17/10/2017 14:40

OK, I will try again to dissuade him.
He isn't a twat and is well meaning but I absolutely see what you all mean.
I have to get back to work now so disappearing from the thread.

OP posts:
PerfumeIsAMessage · 17/10/2017 14:41

I think it's time for a "is your husband usually such a patronising arse?" and a headtilt.

Stop sticking up for him. You asked. We told. Now tell him not to even think about it.

PerfumeIsAMessage · 17/10/2017 14:41

X post.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 17/10/2017 14:50

Please don't, I'm cringing on your behalf at the idea. This teacher is an adult who's entirely capable of making her own choices, it's not like there isn't enough information out there for her to know about the problems of internet fraud. If she'd let slip to the children that she often forgets to lock her front door when she goes out, would you also bring along a sheet of burglary statistics for your area?

Dixiechickonhols · 17/10/2017 14:59

If he wants to help with internet safety get him to email School and offer. I know my dds school had a dental nurse mum help when learning about teeth, fireman dad when learning about fire safety etc.

britbat23 · 17/10/2017 15:00

Your DH is wrong.

One strong password - a long series of dictionary words like CorrectHorseBatteryStaple (Google it) is better than lots of different passwords.

When people have lots of different passwords they get into lazy habits like

a) writing them down
b) varying then only slightly (horse1, horse2, etc)

If your DH actually knew what he was talking about he might recommend two-factor authentication which is much more secure, but can be a pain in the neck.

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 17/10/2017 15:00

Presumably you can't mansplain to another man

I think you can. I understand that 'mansplaining' is when a man (or other 'alpha' person) explains something, that the person already knows, in a patronising manner to someone they perceive to be below them in intelligence or status.

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 17/10/2017 15:03

The problem with that Brit is that is that one password, no matter what it is, gets out then everything is open.
I wouldn't use the same password for MN as I would my email or my bank for example. Remember Jeffery? They whole reason he said that he took the email and passwords for MN was that 'middle aged women and stupid and have the same password for everything.'

PuntasticUsername · 17/10/2017 15:07

"One strong password - a long series of dictionary words like CorrectHorseBatteryStaple (Google it) is better than lots of different passwords."

It absolutely isn't Hmm

Sally52014 · 17/10/2017 15:10

Ugh, as a teacher I would find that massively patronising and rude. If she attempted to "guide" your husband on how to do an aspect of his parenting better I'm sure neither of you would be happy. Tell him not to do it. Let the teacher do her job.

KittyVonCatsington · 17/10/2017 15:18

Oh No. I worked with plenty of men like your DH in the industry, when I was a programmer. It's why I left, as the sheer amount of 'mansplaining' that went on was rife. The fact that your DH wants to patronisingly create a sheet to give to the teacher, rather than just briefly mention it, proves this.

OP, the teacher knows. They have still made a conscious decision and has given a reason. Even if your DH doesn't agree with it. Just have a chat with your son re passwords but do lay off the 'superiority' over the teacher.

AuntieUrsula · 17/10/2017 15:35

What she does in her private life is up to her. But in the context of actually teaching a class on internet safety she is giving out completely incorrect information. I'm surprised so many of you are OK with teachers getting their subjects wrong!

It's not a question of re-educating her, it's about getting her to stop passing this attitude on to the kids. As parents' evening is coming up anyway, I don't see what's wrong with just mentioning it in passing - no need for an info sheet!

PuntasticUsername · 17/10/2017 15:41

"AuntieUrsula

What she does in her private life is up to her. But in the context of actually teaching a class on internet safety she is giving out completely incorrect information. I'm surprised so many of you are OK with teachers getting their subjects wrong!

It's not a question of re-educating her, it's about getting her to stop passing this attitude on to the kids."

This. Mumsnet is weird sometimes. I'm as feminist and as allergic to mansplaining as anyone, but THIS is really what this thread is about!

PerfumeIsAMessage · 17/10/2017 15:50

Maybe the conversation the teacher had went like this:

"Now I'm a bit rubbish with passwords, and always have the same one for everything, but of course that's wrong, and you mustn't do that..."

Or maybe it went like this:

"I'm a bit rubbish with passwords and always have the same one, so why don't you do the same as me"

In an internet safety class. Which is more likely?