AIBU to not tell this woman about the state of my marriage/divorce?

[theabysswithin]

I live a couple of doors down from an elderly woman who I bump into fairly routinely. She's always been pleasant enough to me and is lovely to my DD and has given her various presents etc, and although she whinges a lot about almost everything I'm quite happy to speak to her.

My H and I separated a couple of years ago, he moved out and we are getting divorced. He's still fairly involved in my DD's life and is at the house fairly regularly for childcare-related reasons (I work FT and he does various pick-ups and drop-offs), so I can imagine there may be times when we could appear to be a couple.

Every time I see her she talks about him in a roundabout way about him which is clearly designed to elicit information about whether or not we're still together. Sometimes she describes him as "your" (exDH) in a way which I feel is an attempt to get me to clarify, and she will say things like "he's obviously a very hands-on dad". Other times she will moan about her own marriage and say she wishes she'd "done what you did years ago."

Last time but one I saw her she started talking about another couple she knew who had separated and said it was a shame they weren't able to open up to the rest of the "community" and get the support they needed. It felt like a dig.

All of this is delivered in front of my DD as I'm always with her when I see this woman. I have no wish to discuss my marriage with her as I don't know her and don't want her gossiping to other neighbours about it. I certainly don't want to talk about it in front of my DD. I don't want to be rude to her and tell her to butt out as she's clearly lonely and trying to have a bit of a gossip. But it's got to the stage where I dread bumping into her.

Am I really being that un-neighbourly in refusing to talk to next door about this? I am starting to feel resentful about being put on the spot all the time about it.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Yes I'm of the view, that neighbours are just that neighbours, not best friends (unless you are!)...

Just because people ask you questions does not mean you have to answer them!.... Although if it's someone you don't mind having a brief neighbourly chat with... Think it's best to have one/two lines and repeat them to her...

Yes ex P is very hands on, we both love dd very much... And give a tinkly laugh...

Just don't be drawn further!

I'm having this with new (superficially) friendly neighbours.... I can't avoid them when I'm leaving (they are frequently hovering/smoking outside their house that I have to walk past...)

another neighbour is as thick as theives with them...often im and out their houses. This neighbour is a quite meh gossip... Although she gets bored quickly when she trys to gossip with me... Isn't it awful about x. Y. Z? I just shrug my shoulders and say - 'nope no idea who they are'..

Superficially nice neighbours and gossip neighbour and trying to find out about my partner (lives with me) but frequently away on business. What I do? I think they are confused as every woman they know either works in local huge supermarket... Or has a nice little office job... (yuk they speak like this)...
I don't want them to know as I don't want to be absorbed into their orbit... I essentially work from home so often keep very odd hours..

[tickingthebox]

theabysswithin - but that's just it.... questions like "Are you or DH collecting"..... oh
"Are you coming to the bingo night/dinner/whatever - do you both want a ticket "-...oh
or more recently when a friend of my DS was leaving school, and I spoke to his Mum who said "We're moving for work" - just general gate chitchat, I invited her son to a party etc. Spoke to her husband later "Golly didn't realise you worked in X town, better housing etc" to get "I don't 'D'W is divorcing me, I'm staying here"

[tickingthebox]

yes this is it exactly

Yes ex P is very hands on, we both love dd very much... And give a tinkly laugh...

I don't need to KNOW IT ALL, just so it's not uncomfortable having any kind of conversation...

[Textpectation]

Yanbu, your neighbour is being nosy. It's inappropriate of her to ask questions like this in front of your dd.

I've never needed to ask questions about marital status or difficulties.