To think this money isn't family money, it's money for the dcs.

[Pitchounette]

My parents have very kindly agree to pay for some tutoring for the dcs (Y10 and 11).
I gave them to the cost of one hour tutoring, the basically multiply that by two (for the two dcs) and then by 4 (4 weeks a month). They also decided to do an automatic transfer (because it's easier for them).

The thing is, most months, the dcs dont get some lessons every week. You have the holidays etc... so it often costs us less than what they give us.

DH seems to think that whatever is left is fair game and can be used to do something. So this summer, he decided that he could use that money to buy xxx. that we wouodntbhave been able to afford otherwise!
I really don't see it like this. This money is for the dcs so I am happy to either spend it on the dcs or to out it aside (eg when we want to by something a bit more expensive at Christmas or for their b'day). But not for Day to day stuff.

IBU to not want to see that money disappear into normal spending and sort ring fence it for the dcs? DH disagrees....

Nah, it's for the children from their gp's. If I were them and I found I'd been covering a new hifi or something instead of paying for the tuition, I'd lose a significant amount of trust. Put it into their tuition account and pay tuition - lessons - out of it. It means if they want to start a musical instrument or something, then it's there.

What tiggytape said

tiggytape

No the spare was around £300 during the summer hols (August and July together).

Keeping the money of they need extra tuition is a good idea tiggy
And certainly a good way to ensure that DH can't argue about it!

Ive had the same issue with a b'day present, given to myself so I could make the break I was planning for me and the dcs 'nicer' (went back to see family and friends).

DH then went on to buy something expensive for your hols together on the ground that we had 'some money'
Errr.. no...

I just cannot see how he could think that - it's been specifically costed for a specific thing

Do your DCs have savings accounts? If so, when there's a month you dno't need to pay all of the tutoring, you transfer the money into accounts in their names. £40 here and there will add up nicely for them.

i bet he bought something that only he can use - like a flippin X-box!

Have you taken the money back from his personal account OP?
Personally i would be making sure he pays it back before you go buying him christmas/birthday gifts.

He's a THIEF and has stolen your parents/kids money.

I suggest you transfer that money into an account he has no access to....if he kicks up a fuss then kick him to the kerb.
I don't know what you're actually getting out of this relationship other than having the piss taken out of you.

I would keep it for tutoring. As they get nearer exams you may well decide you want to up the sessions to more than once a week.

Tbh I'd see that as family money. Money thst benefits the family generally.

In most families the dc are very well looked after with activities, regular purchases of toys clothes etc yet the parents have little disposable income to spend on themselves. Its understandable to put any spare money towards something like holiday, day out or Xmas which is for all the family. Unless the grandparents specifically said it was for the dc I would use it as family money towards something.

Sorry I haven't rtft.

What did he buy?

Xmasbaby11 Sorry I haven't rtft.

Please read the thread

Thank You

My parents pay for music related stuff. I tell them how much it is per term/half term and they transfer the money. If a lesson is cancelled for any reason then I just subtract it from the next half term’s so that I’m not keeping anything back. Sometimes they don’t care and tell me to keep it but I’d rather not be dishonest as it’s their money really.

He is being unreasonable- it's money for the kids. Save for university, driving lessons, house deposit for them.

Has your H always been a freloader keen to spend other people's money?

So he’s a selfish git then?
Spending the dc’s money and your birthday on himself. Let me guess his ‘hobby’.

Sounds like you need your own account. So that the tutor money and any money gifted to you is safe.

Any money not spent on tutoring should be offered back to your parents.
To do anything else is taking the piss.

My first thought was YANBU but if you share all your money and kids got everything they need then I see why DH would spend what's in account, although specifically buying something with it if he wouldn't have otherwise is off.

My nan and aunt often give me money for my DS (under 1) and tbh it gets mixed with family money. When I buy something for DS of similar value like a highchair I send a picture saying thanks for getting this but it normally would have been bought either way.

I would put any spare into a savings account for Uni.

If your parents did not want the money returned I would keep the money in an account that you could use for the children
thinking music lessons, instruments, field trips, extra tuition in specific areas, trying new sports and experiences, support them in any new talent, uniform or sports gear, even if its all there unused b ythe summer use it to let the whole family to do holiday stuff together.
Obviously if you are on your uppers and cant pay bills/eat or need a new boiler etc then you should throw it in the communal pot but its pretty shit to have one member of the family assuming they can use any spare money for their personal wants.
Come on OP, tell us the hobby! I'm betting something to do with cycling or gaming

Nope, the money is for the kids.
My MIL, who is very wealthy , gives all her children a sum each year for the grandchildren's school expenses - fees, uniforms, tutoring, sporting clubs etc.
I wouldn't dream of spending the leftovers on something for myself, it rolls over into the next year ( though not much is left).
It should be spent where it was intended.
Park it in a separate account and don't give your husband access to it. He's being really wrong here, and I'd say your parents wouldn't be impressed.

Does he realise how unfair he's been?