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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did this person invite themselves to a wedding?

55 replies

KindergartenKop · 15/10/2017 19:06

So, person A received an invite to a family wedding. Person A mentions this to person B who claims to not have been invited. Another family member has also been invited, let's call them C. A week later, B assumes that a mistake has been made so uses the code on C's invite to RSVP on their wedding website.

Was B being a cheeky fucker?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 15/10/2017 19:31

We wanted to invite 2 of DH’s 4 cousins to our wedding. Had no intention of inviting their parents.

MIL kicked up stink expecting us to invite the parents too so we ended up not inviting any of them.

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/10/2017 19:31

Maybe B was a CF in the past to the groom and that is why they are not invited

BriechonCheese · 15/10/2017 19:33

Excellent CF-ery.

Ameliablue · 15/10/2017 19:34

What about the father of a and c?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 15/10/2017 19:38

That’s what happens when you start issuing codes, op. They may fall into the wrong hands Confused.

mindutopia · 15/10/2017 19:40

Yes, totally inappropriate. There could be good reasons they weren't invited, as in numbers allowed in church so they were just enough on the periphery to get cut.

At our wedding, we did have two family members who were invited, who basically swapped their +1s with each other. One of them had been given a +1 because he had a serious longterm partner at the time the invites went out, but they broke up a week or so later. The other had just met a new person he was dating (who by the time of the wedding had become his new gf). He rsvped for himself and his new gf and said she was taking the place of the other cousin's gf who had been dumped. So this random girl no one had met who we didn't even know showed up at our wedding. In the end, it was fine (6 years down the line, they are engaged and getting married this year themselves), but it's just one of those things you shouldn't assume is fine and should at least ask the bride and groom about, as they might have someone they are close to (or at least know!) who they might prefer to have that place if they aren't over their numbers.

BackforGood · 15/10/2017 19:42

Yes, they invited themself.

Lweji · 15/10/2017 19:45

B is aunt by marriage to groom.

As in she married the groom's uncle? Is he out of the picture (ex, deceased)?

So groom invited cousins, but not aunt by marriage. It sounds plausible.

deste · 15/10/2017 19:45

Why not send B an evening invite and see what comes back.

Slimthistime · 15/10/2017 19:47

Who is that keen to go to a wedding?

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 15/10/2017 19:48

I'm not bride or groom so I can't tell you what they'll do about it. I'll update in July!

Also mumsnetters, B told me that even though my kids weren't on the invite, I should just rsvp for them too! I thought of you all. I didn't.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 15/10/2017 19:48

Wow, how things have changed, RSVP via a website! But then it’s quite a few years since we went to a wedding, as all our friends are married now.

But yes, it does sound like person B is cheeky, why would anyone do that?

Lweji · 15/10/2017 19:48

Are you A or C, or another family member?

I hope you're not B Grin

Lweji · 15/10/2017 19:49

Is the site something like Doodle?
Or wedding specific?

GrumpyOldBag · 15/10/2017 19:51

The wedding's not until July?

So why have the invitations been sent out already?

This makes no sense.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2017 19:55

I thought of you all. Grin

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 15/10/2017 19:58

I assume invitations are sent out early so people don't book their summer hols on that date. It's ok though, B only holidays outside the peak times.

It's a specific wedding website for their wedding!

OP posts:
ReginaBlitzkreig · 15/10/2017 19:59

Someone enter this wedding into the "wedding with potential for entertaining drama" spreadsheet please. We need to remember to prod the OP for updates regularly.

Butterymuffin · 15/10/2017 20:02

I've seen enough people say of 'save the date' cards 'why not just send the invitation?' Must be this couple's thinking.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 15/10/2017 20:02

Shall I just take my kids anyway to add to the drama?

OP posts:
Jux · 15/10/2017 20:14

You could do that, and take their best friends too so they have fun instead of having to mingle with boring people they don't know or want to know Grin

Why don't you ring them and ask about bringing your kids, and you can delve for info re A B and C - "I thought I could bring my kids as they're bringing their mum" sort of thing Wink

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 15/10/2017 20:18

Naah no point ringing, I'll just rsvp for 4 under sixes on the website cos I have THE CODE.

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBag · 15/10/2017 20:29

Still extremely weird to send invitations out 9 months before the wedding!

Normal wedding etiquette is 6 weeks to 2 months.

LadyWire · 15/10/2017 20:36

6 weeks to 2 months???? I work weekends and need at least double that to get time off work! Then there's sorting outfits, getting a gift, fantasising about losing weight etc etc. I would love to have 9 months notice for the next wedding I'm invited to!

Phalenopsisgirl · 15/10/2017 20:58

6 weeks to two months ! No, not anymore 6 Months is more standard but that is to allow not to having to bother with save the date cards. 3 Months is really minimum. Unless you are royalty you should assume people will not necessarily just be able to attend with six weeks notice