To be pissed about Inheritance

[TheMotherOfAllBeeches]

My Mum and Dad have been divorced for 18 years.
They were only married for 15 years.
My mother has now been married to her current husband for 9 years but together with him for 16 years.

My parents are still friends and I have recently found out from my mother that in their divorce agreement, she gets everything when my dad dies.
(My Dad is 15 years older than her so this is likely)

I am very low contact with my mother because she is an emotionally abusive and controlling woman and she is very grabby when it comes to money. (she was like that with her brother and his wife when both my grandparents died)

My dad is very old fashioned (he is 80) and will not discuss finances / his will etc.

AIBU to think my mother is being insanely grabby to get everything my dad (who still works!) has made for himself when they were together such a short time relatively and he’s worked hard for his comfort and life and then she grabs it all & leaves my brother and I with nothing!

Because I am low contact and tbh probably going NC soon, I know that she will write me out of her will too.

I also think she will TRY not to let us have a say in the funeral and packing up his belongings when in fact we are his next of kin.

I’m considering contesting the will when my dad dies, is that unreasonable?

@DaisyRaine90 I’d never have brought this subject up myself, my mother brought it up.

Totally agree it's the message these decisions send. A close friend of mine was left a much smaller share of an inheritance than her two siblings who got higher equal shares. This is spite of her being far less well off than them. There were no arguments about it or drama but it just made her feel horrible and she had no clue why her Mum did it .

When will people learn that peoples wills are none of their business??

How naive. Have you met any humans before?

I'm a little confused. Was this agreement in their divorce settlement or in his will? If the first, he may not be able to change it without her agreement. Any lawyers care to comment?

So if your dads money gets left to your mum, then if something happens to her will it go to her current husband (if she died first)? Who then? Does current husband have children? If so then your dad could be effectively be passing that money onto your mums new husbands kids.

It seems weird to me I'll be honest. That said I do think it is entirely your dads decision and you'd be unreasonable to go against that.

Another post where people fret about the unfairness and lack of justice for an event that hasn't happened and may well never happen

He's not dead yet, therefore there is no inheritance to be had. What's in your father's will is none of your business until it becomes your business when he dies.

Mawkish and grabby.

Divorce does not invalidate an existing will but it's read as if the ex spouse was dead i.e. Any gift to them fails. Remarriage invalidates the will entirely unless it's made in contemplation of marriage to a particular named person then that marriage would not invalidate it.

People need to see professionals when doing their wills - a lot of misunderstandings.

I don’t know if it’s in his will or a spoken agreement or in their divorce settlement.

My mother is remarried, he’s older but only by a couple of years, he has no children. If she died first it would all go to her husband and then when he died to my brother. (I will be written out)

@MovingOnUpMovingOnOut did you read the thread

What's in your father's will is none of your business until it becomes your business when he dies

It became her business because her mother insisted on telling her about it.
It's not grabby at all. Some people just don't get it.

Money does horrible things to some people. My grandmother left me a couple of grand and her niece a few more thousand. She left everything else 50/50 with her two children (my uncle and father). Father was not impressed that I was a named beneficiary and his two legitimate children weren't. The fact he got £80k plus and spent five figures on his dcs wedding is irrelevant. As is the fact I spent my life in abusive care and he didn't give a shit. He still begrudged me that £2k.

Sorry yes I am in England, I lived in America for a few years and picked up a few habits, lol.

Understandable then. At least I didn't suspect you'd actually been drinking.

I am LOL-ing at the stance that a few posters have. 'I absolutely love and adore my parents, but we have made sure the wills are done 'correctly' so I can inherit what I am effing well entitled to because that is my birthright, and no fucker will ever tell me different.!

What if your dad decided to leave it to his grandchildren ONLY OP? (Your children, and your nieces and nephews.) And they inherit it at 30 or so, and none of it comes to you? Wonder if you would contest that eh?

I know you go on about 'his abusive ex wife,' but I am just getting from your posts that you just want the money. Plus, for some reason, your dad is choosing to leave it to his ex wife. He must still have feelings for her.

Feel free to contest it. Good luck.

@Movingonupmovingonout

Another post where people fret about the unfairness and lack of justice for an event that hasn't happened and may well never happen

He's not dead yet, therefore there is no inheritance to be had. What's in your father's will is none of your business until it becomes your business when he dies.

Mawkish and grabby.

This. ^ People talk about how they care about their parents so much, and don't care about money and inheritances, but then you see posts like this, where they are terrified they may not be getting truckloads of dosh in the will.

I see it on here, I see it on other forums, and I see it in real life. I have actually seen family members (including adult children) suddenly sniffing around, showing 'concern' for the parent or grandparents welfare when they think they're about to pop off to the wilderness in the sky; people who hadn't even sent a Christmas card to this person in 15 years, and seen them no more than 3 times in that time. Then as soon as they die, they wait for the will to be read, and then they are never seen again.

Not saying this is the case with the OP, but she does seem rather consumed with getting 'her share' in the dad's will. Why does it matter what you get? It was never your money!

but I am just getting from your posts that you just want the money

might want to try actually reading them then?

In the event that your DM predeceases her husband (unlikely but not impossible), the default position is that the money would go to him and then to his siblings, nephews and nieces or cousins when he dies (or his second wife if he remarried of course).

Your brother is no relation to your mother’s husband for the purpose of intestacy law. Of course the husband might choose to leave money to your brother or you in a will if you have a good personal relationship and he doesn’t care much about his siblings and nieces/nephews, and doesn’t remarry.

British adults don't say they're 'pissed' unless they've been drinking. They would say 'pissed off'.

I've noticed it creeping into UK language recently tbh.

If your mum is emotionally abusive and controlling, then maybe she isn't telling the truth about this?

In any case, there is nothing stopping your dad making a new will.

Maybe mother dearest is trying to cause trouble so you ask your father about it and he falls out with you. Leaves the way more than clear for her to have all the money.

I fully expect to get nothing from my parents and wouldn't be able to contest any will as I'm not financially reliant on them and haven't had a penny off them since I was one year old.

"I don’t know if it’s in his will or a spoken agreement or in their divorce settlement."

It's all rubbish - ignore it. Your mum is lying.

Yes I read the thread, hence the post. Just because I disagree with the attitude doesn't mean I didn't read the post

From the thread:

You haven't seen the will.
You haven't seen the contents of your will.
Your father hasn't discussed it with you.
Your mother who your describe as "emotionally abusive and controlling" has told you something unverified and without context that has upset you.

Can't see any evidence of any actual facts in any of your posts.

Read the thread

babybarrister I'm not sure why you've given Ilott vs Mitson (/the Blue Cross) as a strong reason the OP wouldn't get anything? That is far from an open and shut case!

It's taken 10 years to get to the point now.

Originally Ilott was left nothing at all by her estranged mother in her will. Even though she was estranged the court saw fit to award her £50,000 out of an estate of nearly £500,000 because her mother's will failed to make reasonable financial provision for her .

On appeal she got more. Then at the Supreme Court the Blue Cross won, but it went back to the original award of £50,000, she didn't walk away with nothing. The Judge said she'd taken the long period of estrangement into consideration.

Given that the OP is in different circumstances, most especially that she's not estranged from her father, and also that Illot did get something, I'd say Illot vs Mitson / the Blue Cross was a reason to be cautiously optimistic about her chances, wouldn't you?

It's been a high profile case and the Supreme Court judge has highlighted the lack of clear guidance in law on this, so there may be changes on the horizon that make this more clear in the future, anyway.

Opportunity your dad is still alive
Try and talk to him him now

Say, your mother who you do not get on with and want as little to do with as possible has informed you to upset you about his will.
Be very clear and concise. Tell him what will happen, ie his money going to new husband, then brother.
Ask him, dad I don't want to feel resentment once you have passed away or be dragged into fighting a will because I believed you would want me to have... Something and in this scenario myself and my dc will get nothing.
See what he says and just bring it down to, so you don't want to leave us anything?

It's best to know the absolute truth now. Rather than be thinking... He wouldn't have wanted this when maybe actually he did want to cut you out. Be nice about it, apologise for raising it, explain you feel your abusive mother will use this a stick to beat you with so you want to know his true intentions now. And if for whatever reason that means cutting you out, so be it and accept it.
But so much easier to raise now than wait till inevitable.

DH has strained relations with MIL because she has effectively chosen to gift to the tune of £100,000+k to one child and nothing to the other 2 and seems to believe that it is unreasonable/childish of them to feel hurt by that action. Sibling is obviously the golden child - mortgage free property, free car and holidays, etc.... - it is really hard to watch and say nothing and so, we distance ourselves and have less contact. You reap what you sow....

You have had your say - there is no more you can do apart from making your peace with it.