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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you think is wrong with me? *mental health warning*

38 replies

Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 04:48

I've just about had enough..
I know something's not quite right inside my stupid head but what is it?
People IRL would never realise any things wrong as I'm very good at coming across opposite.
Why am I unhappy when I have everything I could wish for?! I feel selfish for feeling like this as there are people far worse off in this world.
These are just some things that daily I do/ feel that aren't quite normal
I'm very obsessive about certain things - ie my 'bedtime routine'
Obsessed with looking for things I don't really need.. ie will think of an object I have in my house and can't sleep / think of anything else other than said object til it's found. Even if I don't need it. It could be literally any object but because it's popped into my head.. I need to know where it is.
I constantly get my words jumbled up
Can't cope with loud noises / too many noises at the same time.. find it very overwhelming
Cannot cope with clutter.. it makes me feel claustrophobic .. I'm not talking hoards of junk I'm talking maybe a few things on the side is 'clutter' to me and makes me so angry.
I'm completely irrational / angry.

I just want to know what's wrong or am I just a stressy bitch???

Please don't be too harsh on me mn'ers.. I just had to get this off my chest.

I need to go to doctors but last time I was on anti d's they made me feel very 'numb' which I hated.

I also know that a doctor will think nothing's wrong.. as like I said my colleagues, acquaintances, would never know me to be like this..

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 15/10/2017 04:55

Well, if you are having intrusive thoughts and obsessions that cause issues in your daily life, it's worth going back to the gp. They will probably prescribe antidepressants, but it can take several tries to find one that works for you.

CBT may also be worthwhile.

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:02

Thank you for your response whowants2know. I've not tried CBT before. Just feeling so fed up

OP posts:
BeerBaby · 15/10/2017 05:08

Anxiety! Quite simply you have a type of high anxiety that would certainly benefit from Counsellling. It's more common than you'd think!

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:10

Beerbaby, thanks for your reply. I have thought about counselling but I know what I'm like and I know I just wouldn't open up to someone and talk about the things that I quite frankly am embarassed to say to anyone in real life

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2017 05:12

My first thought is that perhaps you don't even need antidepressants. I think CBT might help a great deal, and I hope you find a therapist. I wonder if you're being far too hard on yourself. So you don't like clutter? I don't either. It makes me feel anxious and unsettled. That doesn't mean anything is "wrong" with us, it's just who we are. I also hate loud noises and a lot of commotion. My husband and son do, too, yet we are "normal" people. We are ALL different, and that doesn't mean anything is "wrong" with us. As for your seemingly compulsive behaviours, this is where the therapy could really help you.

Please start by being kind to yourself. You clearly are an intelligent, compassionate person, after all you realize how fortunate you are in the grande scheme of things. What really IS "normal", anyway? It's such an ambiguous, silly concept. You are a unique human being with many valuable characteristics. Embrace all the great things about you and get help for the things that you feel could use some work. I wish you nothing but the best.

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:19

Aqua thank you so much for your kind words.. they've brought tears to my eyes.
I know I'm a kind person, I genuinely would do anything to help anyone.
I worry far too much about what people think of me and obsess over things I've said and how people are going to interpret it. I'd be mortified if anyone thought I was rude.
I've been told I need to 'nurture my inner child' .. I definitely need to work on that.

Maybe I should look into talking to someone,. Is a therapist the same as a counsillor?

I think antidepressants are brilliant for certain people just for me I don't like to feel numbed.. I am a very emotional person always have been since I was very little and I need to be able to have those ups and downs I think not just be steady and flat like i was when I was taking them before. Thank you again for your comment x

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2017 05:19

Just to comment on one of your responses... Talking to a therapist is not talking about your concerns "in real life." A therapist has trained for years to help people, and what you say to them is completely confidential. No one, not a soul, in your "real life" will know what you talk about. This one little step in finding a therapist very well might help all of the issues that are causing you such distress. Isn't it worth it to at least try?

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 15/10/2017 05:22

It might be anxiety, OCD, none of us can diagnose you over the internet! But you have had a great advice:
Go back to your doctor
Ask for counselling
Try to read up on CBT - it changed my life and helped me get on top of my anxiety
Accept yourself and try not to judge. So you don't like clutter however small - so what! That can seem as something positive: your house is always tidy.

I hope you get to a place where you're happy.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2017 05:22

Your emotions are a GREAT thing! We all have our ups and downs. I agree that a "flat" life would be awful. That's not healthy at all. Please, please, please give therapy a chance. I really believe it could help you.

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:28

Thankyou so much ohto and aqua .. your responses have really meant a lot to me.

I will look into it for sure. I'm going to book a doctors appointment Monday.. work will have to deal with it (they're not great with this sort of thing) however I feel if this isn't sorted soon I'm gonna go into a breakdown so needs must.

Is a therapist different to a counsellor? Am I best off trying to find a private one or going through the doctors?

OP posts:
westcoastnortherneragain · 15/10/2017 05:30

Please make an appointment to see your GP, CBT might be useful. You might also find that you may have a sensory processing issue or even be on the Autism Spectrum.

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:34

I definitely think I have sensory processing issues for sure! I can't even listen to the kettle boil if I'm in a flap trying to do things with in the kitchen!
Can't stand the tv on when people are talking either! But partly I think that's just me being a sucker for manners!!!

OP posts:
westcoastnortherneragain · 15/10/2017 05:36

Everything will be ok

LaurieFairyCake · 15/10/2017 05:38

You can find a counsellor/psychotherapist on the BACP ‘find a therapist’ link or on the counselling directory - searchable by postcode. You may want to try a couple before you find the right one for you - some offer low cost or free assessment sessions to see whether they fit for you.

www.counselling-directory.org.uk

www.bacp.co.uk

Good luck SmileFlowers

(I also concur with possible anxiety and also think you’re not very self forgiving)

Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:39

Thankyou westcoast x

OP posts:
Original poster
Movinonout1223 · 15/10/2017 05:40

Thanks Laurie I will look into this!

OP posts:
midgetgem2211 · 15/10/2017 07:09

Oh you poor love. I am currently having intensive psychotherapy after many many years of feeling like This, so you have my sympathy. Please do ask for help, the difference in how I feel is amazing. I have been diagnosed with severe OCD, and I suffer with intrusive thoughts and anxiety, cannot cope with being out of routine and with crowded places or certain noises. I also suffer depression. Asking for help was the best thing i ever did. You will get through this I promise.

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 15/10/2017 07:56

I thought the same as WestCoast that it may be Sensory Processing Disorder or ASD or anxiety.
Please do go to your GP and see about CBT and ASD testing.

Whatsername17 · 15/10/2017 07:58

Have you always felt this way or is it recent?

AnxiousMunchkin · 15/10/2017 08:08

If you are in the UK you can self-refer for CBT without having to go through your GP, look up your local IAPT service (improving access to psychological therapies) you can usually do an online referral request and then an initial assessment over the phone. I am doing CBT through this - initially ‘low intensity’ (6 sessions x 30 mins, though I had 8 sessions) and then progressed to ‘high intensity’ (12 sessions x 50 mins, although they’ve extended it to 18 sessions now). The low intensity basically introduced some key concepts and strategies but the high intensity has really helped me understand the roots of my issues and develop ways to not just cope but to fundamentally challenge and change thought patterns as well. I officially have OCD and cyclothymia, although another opinion was they could diagnose GAD as well (personally I’m not convinced diagnoses are the be all and end all). A lot of what you wrote resonates, but we’re all unique, and whether we tick enough boxes for an arbitrary psych diagnosis or not, if our thought & behaviour patterns are distressing us and negatively affecting our lives then therapy can help.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/10/2017 08:10

Anxiety! Quite simply you have a type of high anxiety that would certainly benefit from Counsellling. It's more common than you'd think!

You have NO idea and how you can diagnose the OP over the internet is baffling.

OP, go and see your doctorFlowers

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/10/2017 08:11

**with such certainty

ihatethecold · 15/10/2017 08:22

Hi op.
This is what worked for me. I had anxiety that was coming out as anger earlier this year caused by a horrific year previously.
I self referred to the well-being service last dec. I actually got offered an app in sept just gone.
Hopeless!!
I decided to take control to get better.
Trying to eat better etc.
Taking time out and speaking to supportive friends.
Acknowledging that I’m not great and I’m working on getting my head in a better place.
I started taking high strength St. John’s wort (not suitable for everyone) and I could feel the low mood and anxiety lifting. It’s been fantastic for me.
I also realised I was peri menopausal at 43 and this can really mess with your body/MH.
It clicked into place when I started with night sweats and insomnia in September.
I think my symptoms actually started months ago but I took it as stress/anxiety etc.

sourpatchkid · 15/10/2017 08:24

All therapists are different. I agree a key question is whether you have always felt this way or whether it's new.

If you can go to the GP. They can help you figure this out and then you'll know the right type of the therapy. I imagine you'll want CBT rather than counselling

Badbadtromance · 15/10/2017 08:35

Oh sweetie you need to visit the GP. I know it's tough but you are will get through thisFlowers