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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friend has the wrong attitude?

61 replies

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 15/10/2017 01:00

On Friday, my exp was meant to be picking up dd (6) from school but couldn't due to work. I had already arranged to meet a friend ages ago. I said to exp I would cancel or if he wouldn't mind my now dp could pick her up. He said this was fine.

My dp and I have been together for well over a year, he is a good guy and as we all have an amicable relationship, him and exp get on. He knows dd very well, we effectively live together, but this is the first time I have asked him to look after dd on his own. I have no concerns about him at all / he is a great guy.

He bought tickets for him and dd to see the lego ninjago movie and dd was super excited about this. However, when they got there, as the showing was at 3.40, they were the only two people in the cinema. They watched the film for a bit, but dd (6) said she didn't like that it was only two of them in the cinema and that she didn't want to stay. Dp completed respected this, so they left, bought pizza and played in the park before heading home. He also, called me to let me know this had all occurred. I took the call, and at the same time spoke to dd to make sure she was ok, and she was fine. I thanked dp for not being cross with her, and said I would refund the ticket cost. Fwiw, she is usually really well behaved and easy going.

However, when I spoke to me friend, you could tell she thought dd was being an ungrateful brat! She said she should count herself lucky for having the cinema to herself - and what about all the money dp had wasted!

Just to reiterate, I have NO concerns about dp, I think dd just got freaked out about being in the dark almost alone bar dp (she is having a "ghost story" phase with her little friendship group and she sometimes gets freaked out by the dark etc) However, the wider message I feel is that I don't want to teach her that if she ever feels uncomfortable, for any reason, in any situation, she shouldn't have to stay in it just because a man has spent money on her. This is especially pertinent what with all the HW stuff coming out recently I feel, and do completely agrees. I also told exp about the situation and he was fine with it, knowing what dd is like with the dark and stuff etc.

So who is being unreasonable? Me or my friend?

My perspective is that I'm even more convinced dp is a keeper, as he totally respected dds boundaries, didn't make a fuss about the "wasted" money on cinema tickets, and also kept me in the loop?

OP posts:
Ermm · 15/10/2017 01:05

Dp fab. Friend got some issues.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/10/2017 01:07

Your friend is! And it's nothing to do with her. You, DD, DP, ex are all fine with how things panned out.

It sounds like a healthy well adjusted dynamic between all of you, well done, and not for anyone else to have an opinion of pass judgement. Is your friend jealous of how well things are going for you? It's peculiar she's choosing to stick her nose in. The only comment that was appropriate was how lucky you are DD is well cared for by all the adults in her life and how nice she and DP had an enjoyable outing.

She's the one with the problem.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/10/2017 01:10

I've been in this exact situation with DD. Oddly, also the Ninjago movie! She sat on me. Because it's weird in the dark in a deserted cinema. And I'm assuming that wouldn't be appropriate for new DP!

You're right. If she's uncomfortable, she should leave. Good for your DP.

ReasonableLlama · 15/10/2017 01:13

What has your friends opinion got to do with it? You and her dad trust your DP. Why should she stay somewhere she wasn’t comfortable with?

She is a bit young to know the value of money all she’s worried about is being scared.

Honestly, don’t listen to your friend. You know your daughter. Parent her in the way you see fit!

Pennywhistle · 15/10/2017 01:22

You, DD, exP and DP all sound very sensible and like great communicators.

Friend sounds like she has some issues.

Being in a cinema alone is a bit weird.

Original poster
randomuntrainedcuntowner · 15/10/2017 01:22

Thank you! So much. Dd is genuinely usually a very well adjusted and lovely girl - not prone to being randomly ungrateful and tantrumy. I tried to say to this friend, what was the point in making her sit through this film if she was fucking petrified the whole time - when the whole purpose of it was meant to be something she enjoyed?! I' pretty sure dp wasn't bothered about missing it!

I was actually so impressed with dp that he left with no drama, called me straight away to let me know, and I the spoke to dd who was as happy as the pig in the proverbial sh&t as she got to eat pizza and play in the park. And that without me even having to tell him, he had effectively reinforced all what I am trying to teach her about boundaries and trusting your gut.

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 15/10/2017 01:22

A child got a bit upset, so the person looking after her took her home. End of story. I can't say I'd feel the need for anyone to be 'kept in the loop' personally.

As for your friend, she sounds like one of these people who can't stand having an unexpressed thought. It wasn't her business.

Shadow666 · 15/10/2017 01:25

Cinemas are a bit creepy. Sounds like they had a fun day!

Original poster
randomuntrainedcuntowner · 15/10/2017 01:28

Uh, he kept me in the loop because their plans changed, I was easily contactable and ddd was potentially a little upset. I don't think that is unreasonable and i'm grateful he did! I didn't go rushing home or anything - especially after I spoke to dd and found she was having a great time.

OP posts:
Pennywhistle · 15/10/2017 01:39

Random my DH would have let me know if his plans with the DC had changed, particularly if they’d changed because someone was hurt or upset. I would do the same for him.

Seems perfectly normal to me.

Original poster
randomuntrainedcuntowner · 15/10/2017 01:45

Thank you penny, also seemed fairly normal to me too!

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 15/10/2017 06:30

DP sounds like a keeper. The friend not so much.

Bit OT, but I would love to have a movie theatre to myself (and my companions). It'd be a dream not to have to be subjected to the rudeness and noise of other patrons!

FlossieCharlieCat · 15/10/2017 06:36

You sound like a brilliant extended family unit. Your friend needs ignoring. Dd is very lucky to have such mature parents/ step parent in her life. Wink

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 15/10/2017 06:40

DP definitely a keeper, and your friend, not so much Wink
It's what any decent grown up in charge of a child would do. My dd started crying during Beauty and the Beast which I was really enjoying as the 3D glasses had given her a headache (happens to me too sometimes) and she wanted to leave and go somewhere quieter. So we did. No question. No moaning about ticket prices which were fucking extortionate
I think you're raising her well, with a respectful co parent, and respectful new partner - boundaries are important, especially for girls. Wine

SnowiestMountain · 15/10/2017 06:47

Well done to DP, sounds like it was all handled perfectly.

bimbobaggins · 15/10/2017 06:53

Sounds like a good set up you've got and your dd is still young but me and my ds love nothing better than having the cinema to ourselves. It feels like a private screening .hes a bit older though
Even better when I go myself and I'm the only one there!
But quite frankly it's none of your friendship business so she ibu

thebear1 · 15/10/2017 06:59

I have left at least 3 films due to a dc not liking it, it's the gamble you take with young children and the cinema. Completely normal.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 15/10/2017 07:09

Dp sounds awesome. To be honest you all do. You've got a good set up with everyone trusting and speaking to each other.

I honestly don't see what your friend is on about. Keep doing what you're all doing!

toomuchtooold · 15/10/2017 07:12

I wonder what your friend thought would be achieved by staying in the cinema. Did she think your DP was missing out on not getting to see the Lego movie? Or your DD - one of those "you're going to sit here and you're going to bloody well enjoy this" scenarios?

swingofthings · 15/10/2017 07:14

I think she is correct in principle. Your DP did make a lot of efforts and your DD should have -normally- been grateful. However, this was the first time they were together alone, she is only 6, and going through a phase of anxiety which most kids go thought at some stage (the dark, death etc...), so not that unexpected under the circumstances.

permatiredmum · 15/10/2017 07:16

what do mean 'effectively' live together? I think it all sounds a bit much - throwing money at her and trying so hard.You have been dating a year.I think you need to be a bit more cautious who you leave your dd with. paeds often date single mothers to get access to their children.

SandSnakeofDorne · 15/10/2017 07:20

I was on my own with my 6 year old in a cinema recently and he loved it! Went and tried out lots of different seats. But I'd probably have left if he'd really wanted to. First I'd have tried asking the staff to open the doors so it didn't feel so isolated though. So your DP handled it fine and your friend is being unnecessarily critical. I bet she's a bit of a man pleaser.

ScrabbleFiend · 15/10/2017 07:31

My DS didn't like it if we were the only ones in the cinema at that age either, 3 years on he now fully appreciates the luxury of having a cinema all to yourself. It's really nothing to do with your friend. I wouldn't go putting your dp on a pedestal though, he just did what any caring adult would do in that situation.

CamperVamp · 15/10/2017 07:35

All seems perfectly fine to me!

Why do you need the validation of MN? You were happy with the situation, your DP, who was the adult in charge, was happy with the situation.

And I don't understand why your ex had to have an explanation of the whole thing, either.

If she was unhappy it was only sensible to leave.

Seeing it in the light of HW because your DP paid for the tickets is overthinking, surely. And if every 6 year old in every circumstance gets their way in case enduring something they don't like for a while in case they come up against a sec predator in the future, well....

Your DP is a kind and responsible (I.e NORMAL) person. The outing was for your DS's benefit, she wasn't enjoying it, they left, no big deal.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/10/2017 07:44

Does your friend have children herself? It doesn't sound like it, and perhaps she'd think differently if she did have her own.

Although now you know that she wouldn't be a good person to look after your DD by herself, assuming you'd ever considered that as an option.

She should mind her own business. Your DD was scared, and your DP reacted in the correct way - which is lovely, by the way - your friend would no doubt have made your DD sit through it, and then chastised her for "ingratitude" anyway!

I know which one I'd keep.

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