To not want to move to the other side of the country

[FleurDelacourr]

I am probably being very unreasonable and selfish, and am completely prepared to be told I am so. DH has been offered his dream job starting in the middle of January. It's a perfect job for him, he was head hunted for it and it means a very significant pay increase. My issue is its 300 miles away, and my due date is in the middle of December. We also have two DDs aged 11 and 4.

I don't want to move for loads of reasons, mainly having a tiny baby when moving or being very heavily pregnant, but also that DD1 has only just managed to settle into her current school, and I don't know how well she'd do moving schools again. I don't know if I'd be able to get a job there, and I currently earn more than DH, and my wages now are still more than his salary at the new job. We also live very near my parents, and they look after DDs a lot.

DH likes his current job, but finds it unfulfilling, but is okay with not moving if I really don't want to.

The reason I feel so selfish is because we lived abroad for 8 years so that I could do my dream job. DH hated it the entire time, and it got to the point that it was either we moved back to the UK or he left, which is my we're here. I feel like I owe it to him to move for his dream job, especially since it's not nearly so far away, and is only a 2 year contract. We'll also be much closer to his parents, but still 1.5 hours away.

I'm being really selfish aren't I?

Where is the new job? Have you looked at house prices?

Staggered by some of the replies on here. OP is considering her children! She's thinking about the impact moving schools would have on them, especially the youngest who has just settled into school. Presumably the 11 year old would find it challenging leaving all friends behind and having to start again too. That's not to say that if you did it then it would be a disaster - but it's not ever easy for anyone to move away from everything they know (I speak from experience.) Money isn't everything. We moved from the Midlands to the South East and, although dh is paid well in London, our lifestyle was a million times better where we used to live. Things like clubs are much more expensive down here. And with a tiny baby, I would rather stay where I am and not have all that upheaval. The only benefit being I suppose that if OP moved then a baby is a good way to meet other Mums. I know I'd rather be near my parents too - as a new Mum having your own Mum around (if you are lucky enough to have one) is so special. I would honestly stay put if you are happy where you are now. The circumstances were different when your dh moved for you to pursue your career.

If you wrote down a list of pros and cons it sounds like there would be a lot more cons.

All that upheaval just for two years? What would happen after that?

A four year old and an eleven year old just starting new schools, now having to do that again??

Like you said, even the timing of the move would be utterly appalling for you in your current pregnancy state, or witha new baby.

It doesn't even sound like the job would be worth it. Due to living costs you won't have much more per month and the move would cost a fortune.

I think it sounds miserable. Encourage him to look around nearer home.

scary of course they cope. Coping, like being fine, is relative. I went to boarding school with a lot of forces children whose parents felt boarding was better than moving every 18 months, and for many children it is. My parents also moved us eight times during my childhood for my father's job (not forces) when I was little I didn't mind but I really resented the last move and never felt I really belonged in the place they chose slight too late in my childhood as a "forever home" (that phrase makes me a bit queasy but they use it).

I live abroad and moved here pregnant and with a toddler in tow, but I'd only move a child who was settled if there was a pressing reason, a need not a parental want. Yes the children will be fine - children cope with all sorts of sub optimal conditions - but it isn't something to be done lightly and can be very unpleasant, unsettling and disruptive and lead to a less secure, less rooted child. Not impacting on their GCSE and A level results is only a small slice of the coping/ being fine pie IMO.

Definitely not for a 2 year contract, I'd look at him renting a flat and flying back at weekends if he really wants to do it, especially as you're the main breadwinner.

Depending on where you move to, it might be impossible to get your children into good schools with a mid year transfer?
I know the systems are different between Scotland and England.

He sounds like an asshole- first he forces you to give up your dream job and move to the uk, and now he's trying to force you to move again. I'd send Him to the job but stay where you are