To think I don't have Aspergers?

[lilathewerewolf]

Hi all,

Not sure where to start with this but I'll do my best.

I recently got clean after many years of prescription drug and alcohol addiction, 90% of this is wonderful and I feel like I have my life back, however it has brought to light how much I was using substances to get me through even basic social interaction. I generally find it hard to empathise, am not emotionally demonstrative unless seriously intoxicated and tend to get away from other people as fast as possible as I either draw a completely uninterested blank or bang on inappropriately about something completely irrelevant to the conversation like the Reformation or, more recently, the GULAGS. I've mentioned this to my keyworker and she says she wants me to talk to my GP about the possibility of having Aspergers as to her it's 'obvious'. I have scored very highly on a supposedly trustworthy internet test for it but these can't be reckoned to carry the same weight as a 1 to 1 medical with a doctor surely.

I have good eye contact and can make small talk which I think counts against this idea. I can also switch on a convincing social persona to get me through interactions with people so I don't think it's obvious at all. I will admit to taking things incredibly literally at times and in an argument I will only focus on the exact words a person has used and not the feeling they were trying to convey which frustrates my partner as he feels I only care about taking his argument apart rather than listening to how he feels. I also admit to finding the whole 'feelings and talking about them' part of relationships exhausting. I am not particularly interested in sex. My mother is the same way emotionally so perhaps this is learned behaviour but I do sometimes feel like I have fundamental human experience parts missing.

I'm sure there are many people with experience of Autism spectrum conditions who post here and so I am asking what you think. Thank you.

I’m interested to ask what an official diagnosis would do? If you are not comfortable with going to see someone and you don’t feel you have Aspergers I wouldn’t bother. The process is likely to cause more anxiety and not sure what the result would help with as you’ve already identified your weaknesses and come up with strategies to deal with them to get by.

I'm autistic, and your OP reads like autism.
An assessment and diagnosis (if you are) can only be positive IME.

The AQ test, whilst not foolproof, does have its benefits and is a recognised tool as part of the diagnostic process.

As for autism being a fashionable diagnosis? Bollocks. Autism is finally getting the recognition it needs, particularly where women and girls are concerned. It's not fashionable to give an appropriate diagnosis to explain years of mental health problems and struggles. It's not fashionable to give a diagnosis that helps the person to live a more fulfilling life because they can finally understand themselves, find strategies that help, and forgive themselves for not being crap, which is what lack of diagnosis invariably leaves you feeling! So DFO with the ignorant comments about it being fashionable

I have 2 children with ASD. Even just from the tone of your post, OP, I’ll eat my hate if you’re not on the spectrum.

And my hat

Lou, I can't answer for the op, but for me it was peace of mind, knowing that I wasn't rubbish and a failure, plus there are massive benefits, it almost opens up a world that I fit into, something I've never had before, some describe it as being able to find your tribe. It also enabled me to find more strategies that I wouldn't have tried before, and I'm less harsh on myself, and am able to make better decisions for myself.
Never underestimate the differences a diagnosis can make.

The only downside is other people being ignorant and spouting nonsense.

I feel the same as many here have said. I did the AQ test online and scored extremely highly. I also.am a HSP and intj. I read several books Inc Rudy Simone and Girl with Curly Hair. It's like reading about myself. I spend hours reading about topics of interest. I have to read everything about it.

I was a passive child but got into trouble in my teens as short attention span and other issues. I have always felt like an outsider and that I can't be myself with many. I have always had some stimming type habits. However I went back to uni and did well. I've mostly been a SAHM in adulthood .

I mentioned to family members but they dismissed it and said I can make eye contact and appear friendly etc. I was an easy baby very passive. They don't see the exhaustion though from all the trying to fit in.

I have always made excellent eye contact, am seriously good at small talk (modest lol) and actually score much higher than average at identifying facial expressions. Im also super duper officially diagnosed autistic. Female autism is very poorly understood :) worth looking in to :)

Autism does not equate to lacking empathy.

My dd is an Aspie and possibly has too much empathy as she worries about everyone. She is awesome and has managed to come so far. She suffers so much with social anxiety that it has really affected her life but she has devised strategies to deal with this.

I think it's worth pursuing a diagnosis. Even if you aren't on the spectrum they might be able to flag something else up that they can help with.

Pink, I was a very easy baby apparently but I'm pretty sure I'm Aspie (also think my dad was).

It's a difficult one this. My DM was a bit odd and made inappropriate responses to situations and I 'learned' those. I spent many years realising her responses were not 'appropriate'. We learn how to respond from our parents, appropriately or not.

OP it is worth looking into it. Tania Marshall is a good starting point. Even if you have autistic traits you don't have seek a diagnosis but understanding why you find certain things difficult can really help. Research won't harm you and it could be incredibly beneficial. It may help you make sense of some of your choices. We can't diagnose you but understanding what autism is will help you understand if it applies. You will know as you go through it. If you are autistic everything will likely fall into place as you read. This has been the case for every autistic women I've spoken to. Reading up has helped us all put the pieces together. Some seek formal diagnosis and some don't but just knowing can be incredibly beneficial.

As for this:

I don't think it is necessarily autism, which by the way has become very fashionable to diagnose.

This is the most ignorant thing I've read in a long while. By saying this you are basically trivialising the struggles of autistic people, especially women, who have spent their whole lives struggling to fit into a society that they can't understand. It takes literally years to get a diagnosis. It also often involves several different medical professionals and some incredibly intense and difficult assessments. You can't just walk into the doctors with a printout and say "this test says I'm autistic" and they agree.

Thousands of autistic women have been marginalised, let down and unsupported for years. We have struggled through life feeling like we lost the rule book. We haven't been able to understand why we feel the way we do. Many of us have suffered severe anxiety, depression and lots more self medicate with drink and drugs to try and fit in. We have been shot down and let down. Told that we can't be autistic simply because we are women. It has taken literally generations for us to have our voices heard. Don't stifle us with ignorant comments like this, comparing our disability to a trendy fad.

I'm autistic. I was diagnosed on the NHS five years ago.
I find it hard to empathise and I am a very unemotional person. I would say that I genuinely don't feel empathy and I'm not one of those who feel too much empathy. I have no feelings for animals. I scored 48 on the AQ tests. These tests were used as part of my diagnosis and are the same ones you can find online. I was diagnosed through my community mental health services as I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety most of my life. I have never self-medicated though as alcohol and drugs don't agree with me.

My eye contact is poor but I can fake social chit chat - I've worked in retail and hospitality when this was required. It exhausted me though and I have learned to care less about other people's opinions over the years, so I don't put so much effort into it these days and I probably appear more autistic than I used to be. I have social anxiety and tend to avoid social situations when I can. I take things literally and sometimes don't get jokes, although I read social situations forensically so I sometimes laugh along with others regardless.

I'm imaginative and often come up with unusual solutions to problems. I have terrible executive functioning skills. I've done well in education and I have three degrees, but no work history for the past 18 years. As an adult, I have no female friends but I have a close relationship with my family.

My DH is on the autism spectrum too so neither of us talk about feelings much, which suits both of us. I have a high sex drive and I am very interested in sex. My son is also autistic, more severely affected than DH or me and he goes to a special school.

I think you really need a full assessment to be sure whether you are autistic, and the only way to get that is to go ahead with a referral. I would not be satisfied with self-diagnosis, because it would be a subjective opinion. However, for me the diagnosis hasn't given many tangible benefits, or given me much insight that I wouldn't have had if I wasn't diagnosed (especially since I carry many other diagnoses which enable me access to the MH system and benefits already).

I’m autistic. Not diagnosed until this year.
I have fucktonnes of empathy. I have strong emotion.
I just have difficulty expressing them to other people.
I’m very verbal but lose my ability to communicate when stressed because of the intensity of the stress feelings.

I have a home, husband, children, pets.
I can make eye contact with some trusted people when relaxed and unstressed.

None of the above stops me being autistic.

For me being put forward for diagnosis (it’s pending but all professionals are in agreement) was a game changer.
Both my sons are autistic, it was me who noticed and pushed for recognition and support for them. Yet when they told me DD is autistic you could have knocked me down with a feather. I then spent significant time researching how autism presents in females and it was a revelation! It is completely different, I have been well used to dealing with autistic children for the last 10 years yet I didn’t spot it in my own DD. My dad is autistic (undiagnosed but very clear), I now know that I am which was a huge weight off my mind, and I know that my kids are getting the right support and coping strategies.
If I’d known as a kid or had the support they have, I do wonder if things would have been easier. My teens and twenties feel like navigating a really complex route with no map and no senses. Now I know why.

Reasons for gp saying no way was that I did very well in education as well as all the eye contact stuff you describe.

All that says to me is your GP doesn't know much about autism I'm afraid.

Bishop: I do have lots of emotions also, they run very deep and are often overwhelming. I just can't communicate them at all without shutting down. Hence why talking about feelings in relationships is totally exhausting for me. It freaks my partner out that I can clearly feel something deeply but not know how to put a name to it or express it verbally or through my facial expressions, etc.

I'm another one who has a debate over whether I have learned behaviour or asd. Not diagnosed, but I would be pretty certain both my DM and DSis are on the spectrum. In my view a significant proportion of my DM's family are there (only one is diagnosed though). I've noticed my score on the AT test varies a lot though, never under the ''seriously likely' level but the latest one was only 34 and I've been in the high 40s before. It's very subjective and very much based on whether you 'strongly' agree/disagree, which to me can be down to how positive I'm feeling that day!

I also do the picking apart and argument thing and it also drives DH nuts. I hadn't thought of that as being an ASD symptom though, just that I was annoyingly pedantic.

Whilst I'm curious to know, I haven't gone to the effort of trying to get a diagnosis because I think one of the diagnostic criteria is it has to be seriously impacting my life and I don't think it is for me - this is just how I am and I've come to terms with that. There are days when I'd like something to waive in people's faces at work as almost all of my 'development points' are things that are asd symptoms (interrupting, talking too loud and being too blunt). Apart from a sense of satisfaction I don't think it would get me much further though!

You sound like you are still struggling though and could use all the support you can get. Having (high functioning) ASD isn't a bad thing, it's just that your brain is wired differently and once you recognise that you can channel your differences. There's no need to run away from support and also no need to tell anyone outside your support if you are diagnosed anyway.

I either draw a completely uninterested blank or bang on inappropriately about something completely irrelevant to the conversation like the Reformation or, more recently, the GULAGS.

I have a relative who has a diagnosed ASD and funnily enough they also have a great interest in Stalin and the USSR as you say they will prefer to talk about that than any small talk. Some of the other problems you mention could also be due to autism and with the high score you got on the quiz it's certainly worth looking into the possibility seriously.
I think having a diagnosis can be helpful to you in understanding and managing your condition. Some help is available and there is support and advice. Research is being done and there are quite a lot of useful resources available. Also you may find it helpful to avoid therapy that is more suited to NT people.

Your post about emotions sounds like ASD too. We can and do feel things, it's just that the emotions are so intense we can barely cope. This is why we can appear cold and unfeeling; we can barely cope with our own emotions, let alone the emotions of others.

I’m another Aspie. Diagnosed with ASD, specifically ‘Asperger’s’. My assessor said I know we can’t technically diagnose with Asperger’s any more but it feels like the right fit, I wholeheartedly agreed.

Honestly, lila a lot of what you describe sounds like ASD traits. I am very similar. I was only diagnosed last year in my mid 30s. Other things to consider are do you have specialist subjects? Are there things you get really into, learn loads about, even if it doesn’t last long? This is the link to Tania Marshall's profile of adult women with ASD, it’s a good starting off point. It’s how I realised I probably was autistic.

People questioned the value of a diagnosis if there’s little support for adults. For me, it has been hugely beneficial. I finally understand why I am like I am. I am more accepting of myself and my limits. I have disclosed to work and get better understanding and allowances there. I’ve had counselling where the counsellor knew about my diagnosis and used a slightly different approach which she knew would help me better.

@blackteasplease My GP told me she didn’t think I had ASD but agreed to refer me if I really wanted her to after a long wait, I was diagnosed. I questioned it all the way along. It’s been 20 months now and I don’t doubt it so much any more. If you really think you might be, I would go back to a different GP and ask for a referral.

OP your description sounds bang on for a female with ASD. Women are very often undiagnosed/misdiagnosed or worse even diagnosed with a personality disorder because even professionals working in this area have a stereotypical idea of what autism looks like based on male presentation.

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/gender.aspx