Reporting to Social Services

[PurpleGrapePip]

I'm very torn about this but hear me out please?

There is someone i am close to who has a girlfriend - they have one baby together and she has two toddlers from a previous relationship. I've got concerns about minor aspects of her parenting anyway (children are often unwashed, dressed always in grubby clothing) but nothing so alarming that I would involve SS. However on two occasions over the past 24 hours I have heard her snap at her 2 year old, telling him to "fuck off". I'm actually disgusted by this.
She swears around them all the time but this is the first time I've directly noticed her swearing at them.

This woman grew up in care so I know she has not had a great upbringing or parenting role models. I want to speak to Social Services because I think they need support and some guidance but I'm worried that she has such negative experiences of SS that she won't take any of it on board. They are close to me and I don't want to do it but I really have to, don't I?

Of course goes without saying that the kids are more important to me than the adults are so I know it's the right thing to do. Unless you wise MNers think I'm overreacting?

Also with the toilet incident I should have explained better, she wasn't shut in. It was a cubicle sized toilet and because of the layout of the house I was sat about 2m away from her the whole time. He left her on the toilet (where her feet couldn't touch the floor and she's scared of falling in) and turned the light off and stormed off but it wasn't really very dark because the light from the room I was in brightened the house a bit. It would still have been scary for her though.

This is the stuff they do when you're there. What do you think goes on when there are no witnesses?

Although some parents seem to have no idea what they are doing isn't good.

I think you should report OP. Safeguarding children means doing your part. It is not your call what goes on further down the chain.

You could call the NSPCC for advice.

I'm going to speak to NSPCC I think. I know the parents love them but they need support and the children's wellbeing is more important than the adults hurt feelings.

Report it, OP. At best it's emotional abuse and toddlers shouldn't be scared by their parents. Ignore the other posters who think you should ignore it. That's how you end up with children like Baby P, because nobody says anything.

Tbh I think ss is a bit extreme. Can't you try and source some actual help for the lass, offer to help yourself, or as a last resort find out who her hv is and prompt them to do a visit?

The toilet incident is the worst one. Poor little girl. Did he show any remorse? Taken with your other concerns I would certainly report. If the dad is behaving in that way when you are there and presumably a mitigating presence, what is he (and she) like when you're not there?

I'm a social worker and yes it may not be prioritised as high as other cases. However you've no way of knowing if there have been previous referrals and yours will be the one that tips the balance.

Not that this sounds anywhere near it, but the majority of child deaths due to abuse in the UK are children never known to SS precisely because people feel they are betraying the parents when referring.

NSPCC can refer too if it's easier to speak to them.

I just don’t get why people wouldn’t phone the NSPCC. Rather than wasting time agonising about it, make the call and let them make the decisions.

God forbid anyone ever posts anything on here without including every crucial detail in the OP. But I put more details in the second post and it's drip feeding. Clearly I'm just posting for dramatic effect and not because I'm concerned about 3 children who I love very much

One would think that it would make far more sense to put the most concerning aspect of a situation into an opening post rather than the least concerning.
Did you honestly think mildly grubby kids who got sworn at by Mum was more concerning than the toilet incident?

Did you honestly think mildly grubby kids who got sworn at by Mum was more concerning than the toilet incident?

I mentioned the grubiness because I was pointing out that there were things that were only mildly concerning that I wouldn't think to report so I wasn't just overreacting. And yes whilst it was nasty for him to leave her sat on the toilet crying and turn the light off, as ive mentioned it wasn't very dark as the main lights were on in the next room and the door was open - she was only "stuck" because her feet couldn't touch the floor. A nasty thing to do but in my opinion not as bad as having her mother shout "oh just FUCK OFF" in her face twice in the same day.

Not that this sounds anywhere near it, but the majority of child deaths due to abuse in the UK are children never known to SS precisely because people feel they are betraying the parents when referring

Do you have any figures for that?

I’m asking not to be snide but the last time I read any information on the matter (which granted was a few years ago) it was most certainly not the case, at that time the overwhelming majority of deaths due to child abuse involved children who were known to children’s social care often had a fair amount of welfare reports or had or were having some sort of service intervention.
I haven’t noticed any deviation from that norm in SCR’s published and usually I would notice a switch from majority known to majority unknown.

There are a lot of kids who go under the radar for a lifetime. They end up fucked up adults. Would they be less fucked up if taken into care? Probably not. If their parents were given support to parent, yes, it could make a difference. The system is fucked up. Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Needs good point, I'm sure it's something I heard in training but you are right. From what I can tell from looking it up it seems it's more like just under 40% of children subject to serious case reviews were not previously known. So certainly not the majority. Though quite high still I guess.