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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s 16:03 on my birthday and my mum hasn’t called.....

54 replies

cwtchesandprosecco · 14/10/2017 16:04

AIBU to really hurt/ pissed off?

Since she had quite a major stroke 3 years ago she’s been really distant and doesn’t have much time for me, whenever I call her she can’t get off the phone fast enough, but I thought she’d have at least called me today.

OP posts:
MaggieMeldrum · 14/10/2017 16:05

How old are you?

mrsmonkey14 · 14/10/2017 16:08

I hear you. My mum had a major stroke when I was 16 and she’s very different emotionally. I’m used to it now but it’s still hard. Basically it’s brain damage. I’m sorry. Do you have anyone else with you?
Happy birthday to you.

AGoodCupOfTea · 14/10/2017 16:10

If there’s one thing I learnt it’s not to hold onto hope. It can make you very depressed. I think I would be moving forward and celebrating with others.

Happy birthday x

Namechangetempissue · 14/10/2017 16:10

I'm sure you are already aware, but a stroke can cause changes in behaviour and emotions due to the effect of the stroke on the brain. It can be very difficult for family members to deal with such changes. I'm sorry op, it is rubbish, but try not to take it personally. It is the result of an illness, not because you have done anything wrong. Happy birthday Flowers

lljkk · 14/10/2017 16:11

Why can't you call her?? I call my dad on my birthday.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 14/10/2017 16:12

My mum/stepdad, dad/step mum or adult sister haven't called me yet either and it's my birthday too.

I'm not actually bothered but at least you're not alone.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 14/10/2017 16:12

And Happy Birthday!

WhatwouldAryado · 14/10/2017 16:13

It must be upsetting. Happy Birthday Flowers

PaleMoonRising · 14/10/2017 16:14

I’m lucky for my dad to text me a week later.....I find it funny but each to their own, I know he loves me. Cake

Yika · 14/10/2017 16:16

Happy birthday! I would be hurt too (no matter what the reason). I think it's normal to want to feel special and cared for on our birthday.

handslikecowstits · 14/10/2017 16:39

Perhaps phone her and find out if she's alright?

Happy birthday.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/10/2017 16:41

Oh that would upset me too

Happy birthday to you Thanks Cake

BusterGonad · 14/10/2017 16:44

Happy Birthday! 🎉🎈
Try not to blame your mum, she has had a tough time, I know it must hurt.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/10/2017 16:46

Aww, your poor mum. Give her a ring.

Namethecat · 14/10/2017 16:50

Your mum might not even realise the date. You could phone her and say your phoning so that she can sing/hum Happy birthday to you, but in all honesty depending on how severe the stroke was she might not remember that either. Personally I'd be happy just knowing she was still about ! Happy Birthday btw.

Hadjab · 14/10/2017 16:51

My husband had a major stroke 3 years ago too - most days he can't remember his children's names, let alone whose birthday it is, so you're being a teensy bit U.

MamaLeen · 14/10/2017 16:53

First of all happy birthdayFlowers 💖

Sadly when a person has a stroke, since a small part of their brain effectively dies, it cane change the person's behaviour. It's not a choice on her behalf it's just sadly the illness. It must be so crap for you and I can only imagine it must be hurtful but its not meant I'm your mum's part.
She simply just may not remember due to her stroke. Why don't you phone her and remind her and I am sure she will be annoyed with herself also even though it wasn't intentional.

SloanePeterson · 14/10/2017 16:55

Happy birthday x I can understand feeling hurt, my parents forgot my birthday a few years back when I was at a hideously low ebb and it made me feel absolutely worthless. It's not her fault but it's ok to be sad about it Flowers

DJBaggySmalls · 14/10/2017 17:03

What do you talk about when you call her? If she is recovering from a stroke do you have any idea what she is going through?
You sound like hard work.

Stringofpearls · 14/10/2017 17:06

Sorry to hear that, it must be really tough for you. Happy Birthday from me for what it's worth x

daisypond · 14/10/2017 17:08

How old are you? I would never expect my parents to phone on my birthday, although in fact they always do. But my brothers and sisters never would. It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't expect them to. Maybe she's waiting for a suitable time to phone. My parents would only ever phone in the evening, as they would know I'd be at work/doing the shopping, etc, in the daytime.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/10/2017 17:10

Call her?
There may be a perfectly valid reason

WelshMumof1 · 14/10/2017 17:10

Happy birthday! I'm sorry she changed after her stroke. My grand-dad changed a lot after his. I think you should call her for a chat anyway. Just to hear her voice and say hi. Try to remember the good days. Got anything planned for tonight? If not maybe just a nice box of choccies or a takeout will cheer you up a bit. I know it's not the same but you've got to try and just make the most of things.

Laiste · 14/10/2017 17:11

My DH never gets round to ringing or texting his family on their B.days until about 8pm! when he suddenly remembers the date.

diddl · 14/10/2017 17:12

Well the stroke has obviously changed her-she can't help it!

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