It’s 16:03 on my birthday and my mum hasn’t called.....

[cwtchesandprosecco]

AIBU to really hurt/ pissed off?

Since she had quite a major stroke 3 years ago she’s been really distant and doesn’t have much time for me, whenever I call her she can’t get off the phone fast enough, but I thought she’d have at least called me today.

Did she send you a card, or do you think she's completely forgotten?

I wouldn't sit there watching the clock. My advice is to give her a call and say mum, it's my birthday! She may surprise you. Happy Birthday OP.

Happy Birthday - call your mum then maybe think of some treats to do for yourself for this evening.

I'm not quite sure how you sound like hard work. It gets boring when people trot out the same MN cliches for anything.

A major stroke is hard to recover from.

You could be more understanding.

AIBU to really hurt/ pissed off?

Yes. I can understand upset, because your mum isn't the same any more.

But why be pissed off with someone who probably can't help it?

Happy Birthday but call her.

My parents always ring me on my birthday but nothing like this early in the day.

I think you should ring her OP. She didn’t choose to change her personality - it was forced upon her. It’s like blaming a friend who’s lost their legs in a car crash for not wanting to come out running with you any more. Sad yes, but not their fault. Hope your birthday is nice otherwise.

Try thinking about your OP slightly differently, as others have said, a stroke is brain damage so to rephrase your post......

Since she had major brain damage 3 years ago she’s been really distant and doesn’t have much time for me, whenever I call her she can’t get off the phone fast enough

It is hurtful for families of people with brain damage when their personality and behaviours change.
Grieve for your poor mum who has had a horrible traumatic life changing thing happen to her and of course you are sad she hasnt rung you on your birthday but please try to understand it is not her fault. Please read up and get some support yourself from stroke organisations.
www.stroke.org.uk/sites/default/files/changes_to_your_behaviour.pdf
www.stroke.org.uk/sites/default/files/Emotional%20changes%20after%20stroke.pdf

Ultimately it is up to you how you respond , being sad is of course understandable, however you can be the victim in this narrative or you can do something about it, ie why not give her a call and tell her you wanted to speak to her because you love her, even if she can only cope with a short phone call. Or even just choose not to be offended by behaviour that is outwith anyones control.

Has she not just forgotten about your birthday? I forget about my own/everyone else’s birthday if i havent checked the calendar.

You could just ring her, tell her its your birthday and ask her to call you back all like “HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY”

Happy birthday!

Yes it's hurtful but I'm sure it's just the stroke causing this. My mum with Alzheimer's doesn't know my name- let alone my birthday!

Here's a story about my birthday and DM who is 89 and losing it a bit (off and on), We chose my b\day card together , I was staying with her, I suggested she write it, She never got round to doing it. They change soo much, I tried not to take it personally I know she loves me

Happy Birthday

I understand you being hurt but not pissed off, OP. She’s had a major stroke and that will have changed her. Why not ring her?

Happy birthday!

Just wanted to add another happy birthday OP, I know ringing her yourself isn't the same but I probably would.
It's small gestures that mean the most on birthdays so it's understandable you feel a bit let down if she did forget, even if you feel a bit unreasonable you can't always help it.

CalmanOnSpeeddial "My parents always ring me on my birthday but nothing like this early in the day."

If the OP is in the UK, it's not early in the day at all.

Thanks everyone- except for the person who said I sounded like ‘hard work’- I don’t think that’s fair at all.

The issue here is that her memory hasn’t deteriorated, I bet she knows what day it is, she’s just gone very very cold towards a few people, me being one then. I’m not sure if it’s because I like about a four hour drive away and it’s a case of out of sight out of mind or what. I understand that it may not be her fault but I can’t help feeling very hurt and unloved....

Maybe I should call her but when it’s someone’s birthday I always call/text them.... not the other way around.

Oops, typos galore there!

Today it is my Birthday too!
My Dad hasn't bothered and normally does.
Nothing wrong with him. I'm just not a priority.
Happy Birthday to you op

But strokes don't only affect memory - aren't there often personality changes too?

Happy birthday.
Ever since I got married, I saw my parents weekly. They wouldn't then call separately for my birthday. I would get a card the weekend before or after instead.

Happy birthday. Maybe she thought you might be out all day celebrating? I would expect a call tonight after your evening meal maybe.

My mum had a major stroke, it left her severely disabled and bed bound. I lost her this June, just over 4 years after the stroke from complications stroke related. The recovery from a stroke is exhausting, please give your mum a break. Call her instead.