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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So fed up with DH

40 replies

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 10:23

Yesterday I was working and the kids were off school so DH to the day of work. I also had a work night out after so I was grateful that he did this. I had a good night and came back slightly the worse for wear and went straight to bed. I got up this morning (DH still not up) and the kitchen in a fucking mess, there's no milk, the house is pretty much a state. He was off all day and did absolutely nothing in the way of house work and there's no fucking milk and I have a hangover! Wibu to go and get the lazy git out of bed to get milk, then tidy the kitchen?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 14/10/2017 10:26

Yabu.

pictish · 14/10/2017 10:31

Well...if you are his boss and his job is doing housework then he is in breech of contract and yanbu. Otherwise, yab a bit u. Yes you can ask him to go and get some milk....but you can't order him to to do housework.
Can you imagine the replies if a man got up after a night out and demanded this of his wife?

Original poster

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 10:33

But he made the mess! And he hardly ever does any housework! Oh god I'm just pissed off and hungover!

OP posts:

pictish · 14/10/2017 10:36

If he hardly ever does any housework then that's a bigger problem that definitely needs to be addressed. Housework is not your area alone...he should be doing his share, so I don't disagree with you there.
But no, you can't really deal with it by issuing orders on a whim.

formerbabe · 14/10/2017 10:37

Was he looking after the DC yesterday?

Sparkletastic · 14/10/2017 10:40

Go back to bed and leave him to it

Original poster

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 10:44

Yes he was looking after DC but they're 8 and 13 so not hard work. He could have left then for 5 mins to get milk, or sent 13yo. It's the mess in the kitchen that's really pissed me off. The general lack of housework is really the issue. He was in all day and the dishwasher hasn't even been emptied from yesterday morning. All the dinner stuff he used last night is in the sink and there's crumbs everywhere.

OP posts:

Justgivemesomepeace · 14/10/2017 10:45

No I'm with you. Why should you have to clean up before you can use the kitchen when you haven't used it. Then have to clean up the mess left from yesterday that was nothing to do with you. Surely a grown adult can be expected to pick up behind themselves and the kids when they are in charge. It's not about who's 'job' it is. It's about respect, and having no comprehension of how OP does this all the time as part of being a grown up when she has the kids. I might be projecting a bit here as I'm working today, do is at home with d's and I know when I get in the house will be a tip from top to bottom and I'll be able to see everything they've eaten for breakfast and lunch and I'll have to tidy the whole place and clean the kitchen before I can sit down with a brew..

deepestdarkestperu · 14/10/2017 10:46

Okay, I don't think it's necessary to go and have a moan at him after one day of not going housework when he took a day off to look after the kids (I presume it was an INSET/training day).

But if this is symptomatic of a bigger problem (him not doing housework and you doing the mental load - thinking about food shops etc) then you need to do something about that, but probably not while you're hungover!

I would go out, get a McDonald's breakfast or a bacon sandwich and let him get on with cleaning up and looking after the DC. If he's been home with the DC, he has a responsibility to make sure things are cleaned up afterwards.

jeaux90 · 14/10/2017 10:47

No OP i would go batshit. Him looking after HIS children for the day does not mean he gets to be a useless fucker all day.

thedcbrokemybank · 14/10/2017 10:47

YANBU He is an adult. He can clean up after himself. Do not do it for him.

pictish · 14/10/2017 10:48

Ok. I wouldn't order him to deal with it, but damn sure I would leave it for him to deal with. I would NOT be getting my sleeves rolled up and stuck in myself.
If you can't bear to look at it, take yourself off to the cafe for hangover breakfast foods and coffee and then home to bed for a nap or whatever else you fancy doing (or not).

Original poster

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 10:48

Add I won't get him up to get milk-he'll get really grumpy. It's unusual for me to have a night out after work and I didn't expect to come home to a sparkling house or anything. But tidying up the kitchen stuff would have been nice. And some milk.

OP posts:

Fishface77 · 14/10/2017 10:48

Pick everything up and dump on his bed

Original poster

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 10:51

Thanks for the support and letting me rant. Just feeling disrespected at the mo.

OP posts:

Arrowfanatic · 14/10/2017 10:52

I would be annoyed too OP. Surely it goes without saying that the daily tasks that need doing still need doing irrelevant of whether it's you or him. The dishwasher and clearing up from dinner is a basic daily task, it's not your job it's a job that should be done. Yanbu

jeaux90 · 14/10/2017 10:54

Honestly him leaving it feels like a punishment for you going out. She went out she can do it. I'm raging on your behalf. He seriously couldn't empty the dishwasher or tidy up after dinner?? Fucker.

Itscurtainsforyou · 14/10/2017 11:00

YANBU - I have an unwritten rule that the house should be tidyish before bed because it's horrible to come downstairs to a pigsty.

The milk thing is annoying too - I have ways to avoid that (milk delivered, uht milk in just in case) but that doesn't help you right now and really he should've noticed/got some in yesterday.

If I was you I'd have a shower and go to a greasy spoon cafe for a fry up and builders tea.

Mittens1969 · 14/10/2017 11:09

I would be cross too, OP, especially as he’d had the previous day off. And you’re right, kids that age don’t need constant supervision. We have 2 DDs aged 8 and 5 and I wouldn’t think of leaving the kitchen like that overnight. He could have roped your DCs in to help tidy up the kitchen as they were off school.

Just leave him to tidy the kitchen himself if you can bear it (I’m not sure I could).

Slimthistime · 14/10/2017 11:19

I would be annoyed
He hasn't just ignored a couple of chores that could wait, he's actually left a big mess. Pathetic. Does he have form? Did he think you would do it this morning?

Original poster

Falconhoof1 · 14/10/2017 11:37

I've left it all and he's just out of bed so will see if it's tidy once I've had a shower and a lie down!

OP posts:

AndrewJames · 14/10/2017 11:39

YANBU, of course. You don't need to be grateful for him for looking after his own children for one day. Badly, as it turns out.
the lazy bollox.

Fishface77 · 14/10/2017 11:40

And your kids should do their fair share too.

Aderyn17 · 14/10/2017 11:43

I'd have gone batshit. Looking after an 8 and 13 year old is hardly taxing - lazy fucker shouldn't just make all that mess and just leave it. It's massively disrespectful to everyone else in the house who needs to use that space.

Myheartbelongsto · 14/10/2017 11:48

If this thread were from a husband about his wife, could you imagine the replies.
You'd be hung, drawn and quarted for going back to bed at half eleven!
Its just a bit of kitchen mess just ask him to clean the kitchen.

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