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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or controlling to tell off DH about his credit card?

44 replies

ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 09:58

We have two credit cards. Both 0% interest.

Mine was used to pay for a holiday (roughly around £4.5k). His was used to buy a car (£4.5k).

I've been carefully budgeting to pay them off over the past year and have got mine down to £1500. DHs is down to £3600. He's the main earner but I tend to work out the budgeting.

However, now disaster has struck and we have been hit with a £3.1k car repair bill which has to go on my card. Gutted as it was so close to being paid off.

Anyway I've just looked at DHs card and his is now £80 more than the last time checked - silly things like £15 here and there at ASDA, WHSmith etc - last month I paid an extra £30 on his card to clear similar expenses and bring it back in line with the budget.

I know it's not a lot but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I pay £200 a month off it and he adds another £80. There is always money in the bank and we're not skint so why keep doing this???

I've just text him telling him I'm not happy it's now £80 more than last month but I'm worried I'm being controlling.

What with the car repair and then stupid little purchases that add up I'm close to just throwing in the towel and accepting they'll never be paid off.

AIB controlling?

OP posts:
Outlookmainlyfair · 14/10/2017 10:01

It depends how your relationship works, but I would not be happy or relaxed in his situation. Sorry!

ILoveMillhousesDad · 14/10/2017 10:04

3k on a car repair!!!! Get a new car!!

But that aside. Yes, I would be pissed off too, but then when we have had cc's in the past to pay for something specific, they have never been put in our purse or wallet. We usually cut them up and bin them.

justanothermomentintime · 14/10/2017 10:05

I've missed the point here but a £3000 repair to a car?!?!?! Would you not be better getting a cheap run around and not pay for a repair?

Original poster
ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 10:07

Yeah we went back and forth on whether to just buy another car or not but that would have left ours worthless and we're still paying for it.

OP posts:
RavingRoo · 14/10/2017 10:08

Take the card off him and cut it up. A balance transfer card is just for balances. If he wants a cc for spending then tell him to open a new one in his name with a 500 limit which he can pay off in full each month.

Also suggest the car repair bill go in his name as he’s the earner - no need to have so much debt just in your name. He needs to take responsibility too.

ethelfleda · 14/10/2017 10:08

YABU for wanting to 'tell him off' as he is a grown man. I'd have an adult discussion about it instead...

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 14/10/2017 10:13

No, not controlling at all to be worried about debt creeping up this way. Presumably you both agreed these two big purchases could go on the cards on the basis you would both clear them down as soon as possible. He not only hasn’t cleared much off his, he’s now adding to it unnecessarily (you say you have money on the bank). It sounds like he’s building up credit card debt just because he’s disorganized but it’s easy for that to get out of hand. As you say - you pay 200 off and he adds 80 Hmm!

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 14/10/2017 10:15

Also suggest the car repair bill go in his name as he’s the earner - no need to have so much debt just in your name. He needs to take responsibility too.

I agree with this. Why add to the card that’s in your name?

Original poster
ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 10:18

Because he doesn't have enough credit left on his card (partly because of situations like this where I pay it and he adds something else to it)

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/10/2017 10:20

Seriously what needs doing to a car that costs £3k, it is madness to put £3k to a car that cost £4.5k

RavingRoo · 14/10/2017 10:21

That’s his problem Op. his debt too: don’t punish yourself for being a careful budgeter.

Parker231 · 14/10/2017 10:23

Why not transfer the balances to a single card. Destroy the cards and both set up a standing order for a set amount each month to clear the debt.

Odd that you refer to your card and DH’s card - Is money and debts not joint?

deepestdarkestperu · 14/10/2017 10:24

Why are you spending 3k on a car that cost 4.5k?

It's a sunken costs fallacy. Don't be fooled into putting good money after bad. You might not have paid off the credit card yet, but the money is gone either way. Don't spend that much on a car - you'll regret it!

You can get a cheap runaround for around a grand - do that and it'll be paid off your card in a matter of months, not years!

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 14/10/2017 10:26

Ok I see. I don’t mean this in a judgmental way (and I know you can’t build a time machine) but putting non essential items like a holiday on a cc probably wasn’t a great idea in hindsight. I’m not one of those people who thinks any debt other than mortgage debt must be avoided but I do think that if you’re going to do that then you both need to have the same approach to clearing it down and spending generally. Which it doesn’t sound like you two do unfortunately.

Can you sit down together over the weekend and look at your budget, agree a timeline for paying the cards down and possibly agree to cut one up, the other only to be used for genuine emergencies ie not for nipping into the supermarket to buy lunch?

MrTrebus · 14/10/2017 10:27

What is so wrong with a £4.5k car that could possibly cost £3k to repair? Even an engine change wouldn't cost that much. Are you using a main dealer or independent?

Also it's his problem for not clearing his balance sooner, he can get another 0% card in his own name for the car, you can have more than 2 credit card each you know.

MrTrebus · 14/10/2017 10:28

*more than 1 credit card each.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 14/10/2017 10:31

Very controlling, he is an adult with his own earnings and can spend how he likes providing he meets his share of the bills. Telling him off is patronising and treating him like a child.

Don't make out that he's bad for spending £80 in a month when you didn't when you put £4.5k on a credit card for a holiday yet have no savings for emergencies.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/10/2017 10:34

There's careful budgeting, and there's being stupidly pissy about money.
If you are not the main earner, it's not a good idea to start a discussion by going wah wah wah how dare you spend anything on yourself?
The fact that you want to pay £3k on repairing a car rather than junking it and getting a new one shows that you are probably not as money-smart as you think you are - that's a stupid idea.

For future budgets, work out what is coming in and what needs to go out (housing, food, travel, energy bills, council tax etc) and how much is 'spare'. Then divide that spare in half - that's the sum each of you has to play with each month without consulting the other. (Do watch for it being the case that everything for DC somehow comes out of your share, though). And don't fret too much about credit card debts. If you have a sudden dramatic downturn in your income you can get them frozen etc.

deepestdarkestperu · 14/10/2017 10:36

I do agree with a PP that putting £9k on credit cards in a year for non-essentials wasn't a good idea.

You didn't need to spend that much on a holiday OR on a car. You both chose to go into debt (I presume you both went on the holiday and you both use the car) so you should have agreed a plan to pay it off beforehand, or saved up and bought both things outright.

I get told I'm quite boring but I never put more on my credit cards than I have in my savings (emergencies aside). If I can't afford something, I save for it. More often than not, I don't actually end up buying it because after 3-4 months of saving, I've realised it's not all that important.

You guys clearly have a different attitude to money, which is fine, but I don't think you can criticise him for putting an extra £80 on a credit card when you both happily put £9k on cards for non-essentials.

Original poster
ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 10:38

Either way the repairs have been done now so we have to pay it. We have joint finances, one pot where both our wages go into and bills come out of. I however have been put "in charge" of the finances as I'm good at budgeting and getting stuff paid off - well I am when I'm on my own but in this situation it seems impossible.

OP posts:
deepestdarkestperu · 14/10/2017 10:40

Why on earth have you spent 3k on a car that only cost 4.5k to buy outright?!

I don't think you have any room to criticise his spending if you thought that was a smart idea. The 4.5k you spent buying the originally was already gone regardless. You had a choice to junk the car and spend maybe 1k on a cheap run-around, or spend 3.5k on a car that is already proving itself to be expensive and a money-pit. Why choose the latter?

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 14/10/2017 10:41

Op has not said “how dare you spend any money on yourself” ffs, don’t make shit up. She said there is money in the bank but he’s using the card to buy things here and there while at the same time Op is trying to clear the cards down! It’s difficult to keep track of spending when someone is doing this because you look at the bank account and think ok that’s fine this month but then you see there’s another 80 quid added to the cc when you thought you’d reduced that by 200.

Original poster
ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 10:41

I didn't want to repair the car, I wanted to get rid and get a cheap runaround but he wanted the car fixed.

The debts on the cards were worked out and payable. I have been putting £200 a month on his card and around £500 a month on mine (and then some extra when we have it). The idea was we'd get mine paid off and then concentrate on his but obviously we didn't expect this big repair bill which has pushed mine back up again.

OP posts:
Aderyn17 · 14/10/2017 10:42

It's so easy to run up a credit card with small incidental spends. You are feeling a bit skint, so put lunch or printer cartridges on the credit card and when you already have a hefty card debt it is easy to lose track of it. Before you know it, you are spending at least £50 per month just on the interest!

I don't think you are being at all controlling btw. And if you were, well somebody has to be! You are married - his debt is your debt. Not to be mean, but if he died tomorrow, the credit card company would have no hesitation in persuing you to pay this debt from his estate. Which would essentially be your family money. So I don't subscribe to the notion that he is an independent adult, the debt is his etc. Being married makes it very firmly your business.
Besides, it's soul destroying to make sacrifices in order to pay this off, ehole he carries on as usual.

I agree you should consolidate this on one, interest free card and then you kerp it because he cannot be trusted cut up the card.
I also think you need a second opinion re the 3k car bill. Wtf can cost that much and could someone else do it for less?

ISpeakJive · 14/10/2017 10:44

I know it doesn’t matter now but you’ve been royally screwed by your mechanic!