Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Or controlling to tell off DH about his credit card?

44 replies

ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 09:58

We have two credit cards. Both 0% interest.

Mine was used to pay for a holiday (roughly around £4.5k). His was used to buy a car (£4.5k).

I've been carefully budgeting to pay them off over the past year and have got mine down to £1500. DHs is down to £3600. He's the main earner but I tend to work out the budgeting.

However, now disaster has struck and we have been hit with a £3.1k car repair bill which has to go on my card. Gutted as it was so close to being paid off.

Anyway I've just looked at DHs card and his is now £80 more than the last time checked - silly things like £15 here and there at ASDA, WHSmith etc - last month I paid an extra £30 on his card to clear similar expenses and bring it back in line with the budget.

I know it's not a lot but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I pay £200 a month off it and he adds another £80. There is always money in the bank and we're not skint so why keep doing this???

I've just text him telling him I'm not happy it's now £80 more than last month but I'm worried I'm being controlling.

What with the car repair and then stupid little purchases that add up I'm close to just throwing in the towel and accepting they'll never be paid off.

AIB controlling?

OP posts:

Original poster

ChickenLegz · 14/10/2017 10:44

Also as PP has said, he's free to buy whatever he wants - just use the actual bank account for fucks sake and not the credit card!! Also like PP has just said, you look at the bank and think you're doing ok and then realise an extra £80 has been ran up on a CC behind the scenes. It's tiring and frustrating.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 14/10/2017 10:44

What kind of car repare would cost £3000? I have just spent out £750 for a new clutch and was told it's one of the most expensive repare's.

I hate credit cards, if I can't afford a car for £4000 I will be one for £800, if I can't afford a holiday than I can't go. I have just got my first credit card to pay for my car to be fixed as it's an emergency.

I get slightly annoyed at people borrowing huge amounts for luxury items and then they moan that they are hard up and can't pay it back. I have a friend who ran up £15,000 of debt and continued to go on holiday and then complained they were so depressed due to their debt .

wobblywonderwoman · 14/10/2017 10:46

I think it is a foolish way to do things.
Needing a credit card to pay for a holiday that expensive. It means you cannot afford the holiday. The car is essential

I would cut up the cards an organise loans to cover all the messy finances.

Honeycombcrunch · 14/10/2017 10:47

Don't pay £3000 to repair a car that cost £4,500. It's throwing money down the drain. You'd be much better off to get a new car for £1,000 or so.

The £80 extra on your DH's credit card is irrelevant when you are both being irresponsible with money. In future save up for holidays in advance or go without one to avoid having debts.

Olympiathequeen · 14/10/2017 10:48

You shouldn’t put purchases on an interest free card as it then attracts charges unless it’s still within the 0% interest period for new purchases
If he finds it more convenient to pay by card get a new card and arrange to pay the balance off in full each month.

He does seem a bit of a dick when it comes to budgeting though

deepestdarkestperu · 14/10/2017 10:48

Why are YOU paying off HIS credit card?

I would get rid of both credit cards and focus on paying off the balance, then start building a nest egg instead of putting everything on credit.

And surely, if the balance for the repair bill went on your card, you had to agree to paying it? Why didn't you say no?

ButchyRestingFace · 14/10/2017 10:48

I didn't want to repair the car, I wanted to get rid and get a cheap runaround but he wanted the car fixed.

So let him pay for it. Simples.

Why does he get to impose his choice on you and then expect you for it?? Fuck that.

sinceyouask · 14/10/2017 10:51

If you are not the main earner, it's not a good idea to start a discussion by going wah wah wah how dare you spend anything on yourself?

It's a good thing then that the op said no such thing. And as for your little dig about her not being the main earner... .

ShotsFired · 14/10/2017 10:54

He can't have it both ways.

Either you run the finances and he agrees that he should only use the bank card to save running up interest on the credit card; or he takes an active role in working in managing your finances together.

RosiePosieRosie · 14/10/2017 10:54

Sorry but if you’re in control of all the finances and he’s spent £80 on his card instead of from your main account, why can’t you just transfer it over? I don’t get this at all.

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 14/10/2017 10:55

Chicken as you’ve pointed out finances are shared but it’s been agreed you’re “in charge” of the finances therefore it’s really not unreasonable for you to point out that this is an issue. Agreeing that you take on the boring responsibility of working the sums doesn’t mean that he’s not required to do any thinking!

In your shoes I’d aim to have a calm discussion about how both of you intend to deal with this debt and that has to involve agreeing to and sticking to a budget. It’s all very well for him to think it’s only a few quid here and there but the fact is a year ago you took on £9k debt between you, you’ve not even managed to reduce it by half since then and now you are back up to almost £9k cc debt again!

It doesn’t take much in the way of lifes disasters (car repairs, new boiler etc) to find a large chunk of your income going on servicing debt every month and it’s very difficult to climb back out of that hole once you get sucked in. It might be manageable right now but what if one of you were to lose your job for example?

hodgeheg92 · 14/10/2017 10:55

I think you were unreasonable to text him about it rather than have a proper conversation. You've got different opinions on whether putting little spends on a credit card is okay, that's something that needs to be discussed.

I don't agree with people saying it's "his" debt - you say you have joint finances so you need to come to a joint agreement on this. An agreement that involves a two way conversation and not just you telling him off.

araiwa · 14/10/2017 11:22

If he spent £80 on credit card then theres a extra £80 in bank account surely?

RedSkyAtNight · 14/10/2017 11:33

If you have joint finances and have (presumably) jointly agreed that big purchases go on credit cards, and you have one each to maximise the credit available to you (so they are really joint credit cards) then the credit cards should be sitting at home somewhere where they are not easy to pull out for incidental spending.

That would seem to fix the whole problem ...

Aridane · 14/10/2017 11:40

Take the card off him and cut it up. A balance transfer card is just for balances. If he wants a cc for spending then tell him to open a new one in his name with a 500 limit which he can pay off in full each month.

No - you can't just confiscate and cut up an adult's credit card

Winebottle · 14/10/2017 11:42

It is not controlling to tell him to spend less. You are married, his finances are your finances. If he delegates monitoring them to you, it is your duty to say something. It wont do him any good to think everything is alright with the money, to carry on spending and then get a nasty shock.

I don't agree with rules about what should and should not be put on credit. It may be useful for people psychologically if they have difficulty with self-discipline but £3,000 debt is £3,000 debt. It doesn't matter whether it came from a car, a holiday, gambling or anything else. If you can afford to pay it off, it is not a problem. If it puts your finances under pressure, it is.

The fact the £80 went on credit is not the problem. You have the money to pay that. As has been said, it doesn't make a difference whether it goes on the credit card and then money comes out of the bank to pay the cc or the money comes straight out of the bank. It is the same result.

The issue is whether he has spent money he shouldn't have, not what payment method was used. It all comes down to what he bought from Asda. If it was essential family food, you should not be angry. A calm word about which card you would prefer things put on is enough. If he has unnecessarily wasted money, you need to talk to him about that.

Alittlepotofrosie · 14/10/2017 15:30

I would cut up the credit card too. I would expect him to agree to it. The card has served its purpose, everyday spending shouldn't be put on credit cards unless you really have no other option.

Isetan · 14/10/2017 16:47

You’re not in charge though are you, you have taken on the responsibility and that’s different. He gets to spend and you’re in charge of making the sacrifices to pay for it.

This type of foolish attitude to spending is where people run into serious trouble. I mean seriously, spending three grand to repair a four and a half grand car is just idiotic.

Brittbugs80 · 14/10/2017 17:26

Three grand of repairs?! What needed doing?

On my old car, I had a new fan belt, cam belt, brake pads, oil tank, starter motor and a few other bits (car randomly cut out when driving and so I replaced possible parts that could be causing it) and that came to just under £1,000.

That's the biggest waste of money, not £80 on sundries

Flip

1 2