To think DP was being unreasonable last night

[expatinspain]

So, last night DD was having a sleepover at her granny's house and we decided to have a nice dinner at home, steak etc and a bottle of wine. DP doesn't drink much, unless he feels like it, which probably is around once every few months on a night out.

We had a glass of wine when we were cooking and he still had some left in the glass at dinner and topped his up, but then didn't drink any more. After dinner we were watching a movie and wrapping up presents for DD's birthday and over the course of the evening, around three hours, I finished the rest of the rest of the bottle. He went to bed as he had to get up early and I finished watching the film and came to bed. He was still awake and in a grumpy mood, turns out because he was annoyed that I 'needed to finish the whole bottle'.

I said to him, that I'm an adult and if I want to have a few glasses of wine on a Friday evening then I can and what's the problem? The last time we had a bottle of wine together was about a month ago, because he doesn't drink I don't normally bother. It's not like I'm polishing off a bottle of wine on a Tuesday evening!! He has form for being a bit judgy about people who 'need' to drink at home and seems to think alcohol should just be reserved for special occasions or nights out.

AIBU to think that he's being a bit ridiculous and a tad controlling about this. I feel like if I ever fancy a glass (or three) of wine once in a while (not even talking every week here!) I shouldn't be treated as if I'm a borderline alcoholic!

Crikey, that kept him awake in a huff?!?

Does he have a family with a history of alcohol issues?

I must do bottle of wine a week, mainly on a Friday or Saturday night. Its like a treat!

I'd actually say quite gently 'Thank you for your concern but it is unwarranted since I'm able to control my alcohol consumption well and I don't need anyone to monitor me'.

Oh and I'd also point out the obvious differences between 'want' and 'need'.

You didn't 'NEED' to finish the wine. You 'WANTED' to finish it. A major difference that as an adult you're able to decide for yourself.

Yes he is being ridiculus and controlling.

You drank 2/3 of a bottle of wine. Equivalent to 2 large glasses.

Yes he’s being absolutely ridiculous. You had what, about 3/4 of a bottle of wine over at least 3 hours? Hardly alcohol abuse is it? Even if it was every Friday!

He is being a twattish killjoy.

Yes he's being ridiculous and pathetic! Should you have asked his permission?!

Wow
Does he have an alcoholic parent or some other explanation for being so extreme? Because if not he's just a judgemental knob really. Sounds like he ruined a very nice night assume no sex happened either

Would he have had another glass this eve, or later in the week? I can see his point if so. It's annoying living with someone who scoffs your share of the treats as soon as the bottle/packet/whatevs is opened.

But if he didn't want it either.... he's just being a bit weird because it's alcohol.

Blimey he wouldn't like living with me 😂😂

His family barely drink at all. I went to a party and a bottle of wine was shared between five people, with no sign of anymore coming out on the table!

He wouldn't want a glass later in the week, so that's definitely not the problem.

He didn't used to be like this, it's been more of a recent thing since he gets up to do sport early at the weekend. When we were in England he used to go to the pub, have nights out and drink. He is like the alcohol police here in Spain

I wouldn't have entertained his shit for a second. He could huff himself unto Kingdom Come if he wanted. His choice. I wouldn't defend or explain myself, I'd just say "mind your own fucking business" and leave him to stew.
Yes it's controlling. No he wouldn't be allowed to control me.

Very controlling of him and I say that as someone who doesn’t even drink at all!

pictish I just got back up out of bed and went back to watch TV and left him to it. Didn't entertain his silliness at all!!

I'm not a drinker either to tell the truth but if I decided I was going to have a few glasses of wine I would. I'm an adult so I can do that without needing approval from anyone. Active disapproval from someone who was motivated to control what I do to the point of going in a huff over it, would simply make me more determined to please myself.

Your dp would hate being in a relationship with me...which would be fine as I wouldn't want him and his nonsense anyway.

Good stuff. You did right. xx

So you have moved to another country, and he's taken up a hobby that means he is out of the house most Saturdays, and now he's nagging you about having a couple of glasses of wine? Are his family very 'traditional'?
I just wonder if this is not so much about wine but about him deciding that it's time you acted like a proper, obedient little woman now you are on his territory.

Bloody hell I couldn't live with that.

Are you sure that it isn't man speak for "I wanted you to come to bed at the same time as me and now I'm going to sulk and complain and blame you drinking wine because I wanted sex/cuddles and you obviously don't love me".

Petulant either way really, but it might be easier to sort out if you can work out what's behind it.

I think it's absolutely fine to have that amount of wine, and he's being unreasonable about that. Is it possible though that he's in a huff partly because you chose to stay up and watch a film rather than come to bed with him, and he can't articulate that? I know I've been in the position where I've wanted a partner to want to come to bed with me more than drink wine/finish a film etc. Might be worth investigating?

I just wonder if this is not so much about wine but about him deciding that it's time you acted like a proper, obedient little woman now you are on his territory.

They’ve moved to Spain though, not Iran. The Spanish drink. When I lived there (90s) kids were introduced to watered down wine at dinner around the age of 6.

Unless of course things have dramatically changed since then.

Ha! Cross posted with Notevil. Great minds!

Suspect he was after a shag and it wasn’t about the wine at all.

Perhaps he was hoping you would go to bed at the same time for a little romantic entwinement instead of preferring alcohol and a film to him? Just used the alcohol as an excuse rather than say he wanted a bit of lurving!

Jeeeeeeeez. Controlling and highly unattractive. He would be scandalised by my weekly consumption which is probably exacerbated by living with someone who doesn't like women drinking

reanimated No, he isn't like that in general, just with this one issue. To be fair, he's been cycling for years before he met me, just didn't do it in London. He gets up super early and is usually back by 11.

Could be the going to bed thing, but he went to bed at 10.30pm! I was only half an hour after, as I was finishing the film.

He's literally not like this in any other aspect of life. I know the British have a bad rep in general here with binge drinking, but it's no like I'm running naked down the beach in Benidorm after 20 shots! It's less than a bottle of wine!!!