Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it's still a "problem" even if you don't do it often

76 replies

LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:10

If you rarely drink but when you do it's 5+ bottles of wine to yourself, possibly spirits if you run out of wine and you get tearful/angry/sloppy etc. and everyone around you is kinda pissed off by it, is it ok because it's only 4/5 times a year? Or would you say even though its not frequent, it's still not acceptable?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 13/10/2017 21:25

Crikey I like a drink (although doing Stoptober at present so on bars of Galaxy instead). Getting through 5 bottles plus is massive, even hardened drinkers would surely have passed out by now!

Is there a reason this only happens on 'certain occassions', not excusing it but maybe there's a trigger there?

Original poster
LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:25

anotherday I hadn't really considered that. When she does drink in front of us she changes very quickly and gets that glassy look and slurred voice so I think I would notice if she was doing it more but I know I csnt be 100% sure.
She has some issues with prescription painkillers, I'm not sure if that could affect her tolerance when she does drink?
It's a mess all round really but tonight the drinking has just got to me again because we could have such a nice time if everyone had a glass or two but as soon as she cracks open the second bottle I know what's going to happen.

OP posts:
Tainbri · 13/10/2017 21:25

Gosh, I thought I had an issue downing one bottle Blush but five?? Seriously?

JustHereForThePooStories · 13/10/2017 21:26

My mother was the same. She's get shitfaced and abusive at every gathering. Would try to justify it by telling us all she rarely drank and we were all spoiling her fun. Of course, it turned out she was drinking constantly, but just hiding it very well so she had a decent tolerance built up- hence the occasional huge blowouts not killing her.

She's given up now, thankfully.

BenLui · 13/10/2017 21:26

Yes, pissing off everyone around you through your own deliberate bad behaviour at least once a quarter is a problem.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/10/2017 21:27

That is an enormous drinking problem. She is without a doubt drinking very regularly without other people realising.

Wolfiefan · 13/10/2017 21:27

She has a serious drink problem.
You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.
Don't have alcohol about when she's round. The only thing you can do is stay away from her when she's drinking.
She is NOT just drinking a few times a year. That's the only times you're aware of.

Original poster
LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:28

maddie It's almost like she's on a mission to be an absolute wreck under the guise if "im just enjoying myself* I can't think of anything worse than drinking when everyone else has had enough and then crying etc. but when everyone gets annoyed with her she just carries on on her own Confused

OP posts:
iklboo · 13/10/2017 21:30

I hope she doesn't drive the next day? That's a massive amount of alcohol.

Original poster
LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:30

I'd also add it has been a "thing" in the family. I haven't seen them for years but I have an aunty and much older cousin who would drink insane amounts at family gatherings and get totally paralytic and tearful or aggressive and it was just normal expected behaviour of them and I grew up watching it. It shouldn't upset me as an adult but I just hate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:31

She doesn't drive after. She probably won't leave her room for a couple of days Sad

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/10/2017 21:31

Binge drinking is much more dangerous than regular smaller amounts.

It is also more likely to be indicative of a tendency to alcoholism, because it shows that when you start you CAN'T stop!

If someone is drinking that much, they are in danger of alcohol poisoning at best and chronic alcoholism at worst. Both can and will cause a very unpleasant death.

Lweji · 13/10/2017 21:31

She has an addiction problem, particularly if she also has painkiller issues.

The two don't mix well either.

I agree with others that she probably drinks constantly in secret. She may not get obviously drunk, but it looks like it's not a few times per year only.

anotherdayanotherdinner · 13/10/2017 21:32

She needs to be careful if she's taking prescription painkillers and drinking that much. If anything I would have thought she would be more affected by alcohol. It sounds like a really difficult situation. Could you have a get together without alcohol? If your dm gets upset about the lack of alcohol I would guess there's more to this than occasional drinking.

Lweji · 13/10/2017 21:35

Could you tell her that she's only invited (or you attend) if she promises not to drink?

And leave as soon as she touches a drop?

Original poster
LovelyPrep · 13/10/2017 21:36

Well we all went on holiday together earlier this year and she was fed up that I couldn't drink with her as I'm pregnant and there was one night she got really sloppy drunk but we all just went to bed because we didn't want to deal with it. I think she feels better if she can get someone to do it with her even if they don't drink as much as she does. My dad just gets exasperated and doesn't talk to her because she'll argue with him.

I saw similar traits in myself, like I wouldn't go out often but when clubbing with friends I would be the one that just got embarrassing so now I have kids I don't like to get drunk at all because I feel like I might be predisposed to that behaviour? I don't want my kids to grow up with a mum like that.

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 13/10/2017 21:38

Of course it’s a problem Flowers

I don’t believe that a person who only drinks 4 or 5 times a year could drink that many bottles of wine without becoming very very ill. I can drink but I couldn’t manage 2 bottles and would be unconscious way before I got to number 4!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/10/2017 21:39

I think she feels better if she can get someone to do it with her even if they don't drink as much as she does

This is also a bad sign - if she is drinking with someone else she can "justify" it to herself (and others) as being sociable. If she sat and drank when no-one else was drinking, then it would be obvious that she has a problem.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/10/2017 21:41

Take a long video of her and show it to her when she's sober. If she thinks she can inflict this bullshit on all of you with impunity, then she can take a good long look at the train wreck she is whilst drunk. If there is any hope of her stopping this behaviour, those of you around her must refuse to deal with this shit.

Ontheboardwalk · 13/10/2017 21:43

Volume wise let alone % wise that's a lot of wine

ZeppelinBend · 13/10/2017 21:50

It's not about how often you drink but your relationship to alcohol and if you can control ot once you start imo. 5 bottles is a massive amount and I speak as someone who can fairly put it away the odd time. I have never heard of anyone drink that much in one go.

AllRightNowInFactItsAGas · 13/10/2017 21:54

I thought I drank a fair bit too much until I just found out that a human can drink 5 bottles of wine and still be alive - AND still wanting spirits!!

Genuinely shocked that someone can drink that!

confusedandemployed · 13/10/2017 21:56

Wow. I can put it away but my limit would be 2 bottles - and I'd be as sick as a dog on it. 5 bottles is hardened liver territory. Idbe surprised if she's as infrequent a drinker as she says.
Did I read it right and did you say she seems to get tipsy quickly? Because some alcoholics tend to do that. Basically when they start drinking they're topping up from the day before. I have a mate who does this.
Your poor dad. Has he sought help for himself at all?

ZeppelinBend · 13/10/2017 21:57

Im fact the one person I do know who can drink 4 bottles of wine is an alcoholic and has been for years. I would be surprised if she isn't drinking at other times you don't know about as that's a huge tolerance to alcohol.

sobeyondthehills · 13/10/2017 21:58

OP, I have to agree, there is no way someone can be drinking 5 bottles only 3/4 years and I talk as someone who was downing 3 bottles plus a night at my worst. When I quit for 6 months I managed a bottle before I was pissed as a fart. Built up a tolerance till I was back to 3 bottles.

Now I am unsure if it will take a glass before I am on my arse