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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate school pick up

46 replies

ElsaMars · 13/10/2017 14:48

DD is in reception and drop off is fine but pick up is, well, shit.

I seem to find it difficult to get there on time, without being too early and having to hang around (anxiety over finding a space, see below) I then feel obliged to be sociable (also see below)

I have to drive even though its walking distance as I'm pregnant and have SPD. Parking is a nightmare and I have to ensure I park responsibly, so end up miles away anyway.

I also cannot be arsed with small talk at this time of day. So spend my time waiting outside the gates trying to look busy on my phobe, classy without looking like the mardy, anti-social person I am.

I then crawl into school, behind the zombie hoarde (which seems to have grown 10 fold since drop off) and pick DD up.

Then I ask her all about her day, where she gives silly answers, says 'don't know' or she ebarrassingly shows off, shouting all her classmates names and running up to them. So I end up walking awkwardly back to the car alongside a parent I don't know, who also cant be arsed with small talk.

I feel like I have to give myself a pep talk before I go, surely I'm not the only one? 😁

OP posts:
creampie · 13/10/2017 14:49

Not just you. I'm currently psyching myself up for the exact same thing

pisacake · 13/10/2017 14:49

YANBU. I think I will make DD walk home from school in the very near future, for this very reason.

0htooooodles · 13/10/2017 14:50

Nah, my DD is now in year one and it’s still as you described. There was a group of us that use to talk, but they’ve since turned cliquey and I feel like I’m in high school all over again Hmm

2014newme · 13/10/2017 14:52

Speak to people! They don't bite! Asking for information is a good conversation opener eg is it tomorrow that they need to bring in a cereal box etx

BabyOrSanta · 13/10/2017 14:53

At least it's Friday.
And there's only 5 days in a week?

tries to be Pollyanna...
fails

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 13/10/2017 14:55

6 years in and have at least another 10 years to go.

However much I struggle though I do my best to make those conversations as there are some really nice people to meet and friends to make

NancyDonahue · 13/10/2017 14:55

Oh I'm the same. Introverted and hate small talk. Dd is the opposite. I've had so many cringey moments over the years. Worst is when she comes out crying loudly and naming names of those who she's fallen out with that day (we are going through that phase) and everyone looks. I just want the ground to swallow me up. Roll on secondary school.

minesapintofwine · 13/10/2017 14:56

I don't love it. My dc come out of school carrying loads of stuff and wearing their coats like capes. We then stand in the yard packing bags and sorting coats in the rain whilst masses of noisy kids bump into us. One of them usually runs off. They whinge and whine all the way home at this point I realise the silence has broken and get a sinking feeling.

Guess what? I'm off to go through that now Sad

If I were you though op I'd drive up early to get a nearby space and sit in the car on your phone until bang on pick up time.

minesapintofwine · 13/10/2017 14:57

I do love a good chat with the other mums though

Original poster
ElsaMars · 13/10/2017 14:58

I know, everyone seems nice but I really hate small talk. Should think of some good openers though, just in case.

Kind of glad it's not just me (sorry) right off I go......

OP posts:
MagicMarkers · 13/10/2017 15:00

I suspect that the other people aren't thinking about you at all. They're probably not judging you though you seem to have made your mind up about them - "zombie horde"? Why are you embarrassed by your own child's friendliness?

You might find it easier once you've had the baby. I never had SPD, but ordinary late pregnancy can make women grumpy.

Starlight2345 · 13/10/2017 15:01

Can I say first while pregnant and suffering SPD makes nothing fun.

I think people get themselves into a tizz over school runs for no reason..

These are not your friends, althoough some may become, maybe not, however these are the parents of your DD friends.

Also re questioning day, lots are not ready to talk about day. Chat about other stuff..tell her about your day they soon talk about theres..What is the best thing you have done today is also a good opener.. If she is busy waving to her friends , don't waste your energy...

Hopefully you are nearing the end of your pregnancy.

Original poster
ElsaMars · 13/10/2017 15:13

Magic, zombie hoarded was a joke, that's just what it kind of reminds me of, everyone trudging through the gates.

I love DDs enthusiasm, just not feeling it hugely at the moment, especially when we're parked further away and I can barely walk.

OP posts:
danTDM · 13/10/2017 15:16

Oh God, I hear you. I start getting antsy around 3pm and pick up is 4.40 where I live.

Just off now, see you in a bit.

I have to walk in high heat too. (Don't drive) at least it's Friday.

paxillin · 13/10/2017 15:21

Should think of some good openers though, just in case.

How about "hello"? If the other party is awkward, too, they'll say hello and then stand elsewhere, if they are the bubbly sociable kind they will come up with a million things to talk about.

BrokenBattleDroid · 13/10/2017 15:21

Yes, I'm with you!

I'd probably arrive early enough to get a good parking spot, then sit with a book/radio/pretend phone call until the last minute dash - minimal walking and minimal awkward hanging around.

When your baby is here you can legitimately sit in the car doing feeds and nappy changing Smile

HateHomework · 13/10/2017 15:22

Same here OP , currently waiting in my car can't stand shit small talk

user1499333856 · 14/10/2017 11:14

Stay in your car until it's time to pick up. That way you don't have to engage in the chit chat.

My kids always respond with "don't know" when you initially ask them how their day went. So now I leave off, I wait a bit or let them tell me. Saves a lot of hassle.

Kitsandkids · 14/10/2017 11:19

Why don't you speak to the school about the parking/SPD issue? If you really find it difficult to walk they might let you use the staff car park, or arrange to keep hold of DD for 10 minutes so you can arrive when others are leaving and get a space near the school?

Imaweeble · 14/10/2017 11:22

I feel exactly the same. We've recently moved schools to a new area and I find that the mums here have their own groups and I tend to stand around like a loner whilst other people will talk over my head! Even if I've tried to be polite and say hello they look at me as if I'm trying to break into their secret society, so now I just leave it and stand on my own. In our old school I used to get there early and meet up with other mums and there was always someone to pass the time with but here I now get to school right on pick up time, pick the kids up and go.

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 11:43

I am always puzzled by these threads. Are you also uncomfortable waiting for a train or a bus? If it's just at the school, it sounds odd.
You don't have to talk to anybody for a start. You could also be friendly, smile and nod to the parent you will presumably see twice a day 5 days a week for possibly many years. The day you need to ask them something it will be easier because you have at least acknowledge each other. It's all well and good to look down at others, but you are not giving away a very friendly picture of you.

Yes, small talk is boring, but how else do you start talking with strangers? You are unlikely to start a deep and meaningful conversation about their private life or the latest science discovery.

Very few parents actually enjoy the school pick up, most of them have better things to do with their day. You might as well make the most of it, you might even make friends over the years.

Hellywelly10 · 14/10/2017 11:45

I hated the school run. Other parents were very cliquey (bodean mums) some were realy up their own arse.It's a long hall try not to worry too much. If anyone talks to you see it as a bonus. It does become manageable in time xx

keepingbees · 14/10/2017 12:10

Could you not arrive early to get a space but wait in the car until just before they come out?
I'm lucky the mum's at my kids school are nice, but it does take time to get to know people and get past the awkward small talk stage. The more you see people the easier it becomes I've found, but I do know what you mean.
I think most kids do the refusing to talk about their day thing as well Sad

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 12:47

coddi I am very chatty and like making small talk but I don't think it's puzzling that lots of people are more introverted and feel uncomfortable in those situations. Add in pain and I can totally see where the op is coming from.

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 13:03

what I find puzzling is that people get worked up about waiting at the school gate, but not about waiting in a line in a supermarket or other, in your GP surgery, waiting for your train, your plane etc.

They seem to put some expectations of some kind, and feel judged by strangers, but only at school. I don't like waiting, but I don't understand what pressure exist at school (apart from being on time)