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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate school pick up

46 replies

ElsaMars · 13/10/2017 14:48

DD is in reception and drop off is fine but pick up is, well, shit.

I seem to find it difficult to get there on time, without being too early and having to hang around (anxiety over finding a space, see below) I then feel obliged to be sociable (also see below)

I have to drive even though its walking distance as I'm pregnant and have SPD. Parking is a nightmare and I have to ensure I park responsibly, so end up miles away anyway.

I also cannot be arsed with small talk at this time of day. So spend my time waiting outside the gates trying to look busy on my phobe, classy without looking like the mardy, anti-social person I am.

I then crawl into school, behind the zombie hoarde (which seems to have grown 10 fold since drop off) and pick DD up.

Then I ask her all about her day, where she gives silly answers, says 'don't know' or she ebarrassingly shows off, shouting all her classmates names and running up to them. So I end up walking awkwardly back to the car alongside a parent I don't know, who also cant be arsed with small talk.

I feel like I have to give myself a pep talk before I go, surely I'm not the only one? 😁

OP posts:

Ginandplatonic · 14/10/2017 13:04

I quite like chatting to other parents at pick up, and have made great friends that way. But even if you don't it's really worth making the effort. Many's the time over the years I (and my anxious kids) have been relieved to have a school mum to text with questions: is it free dress/crazy hair/pyjama day, does football training start tomorrow or next week, what do they need to wear/bring to the excursion tomorrow - you get the idea. Getting to know a few people can really make your life easier.

ChocolatePHD · 14/10/2017 13:20

I don't love it. My dc come out of school carrying loads of stuff and wearing their coats like capes. We then stand in the yard packing bags and sorting coats in the rain whilst masses of noisy kids bump into us.

This!!^

I prefer to just roll up, stand on my own and take ds home. I dread the awkward small talk with people. Even if people are nice the, small talk dance we do with people is so false isn't it? My close friends dd is also at the school so I often have a catch up with her, but when other parents approach me for a stunted chat my stomach drops; i get so awkward and shy.

ChocolatePHD · 14/10/2017 13:22

coddiwomple school gate is totally different than waiting at Drs or in a queue. At school you see the same people every day and there is therefore the expectation that we should all be sociable with each other, but often we don't know each other and not all of us are comfortable with small talk.

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 13:34

it's only different because you make it that way. I see the same people at the station every single day (most sitting in the same seat every day), and some of them live in and around my road.
You will be locked in a plane with the same strangers for a few hours.

You don't have to be sociable, just smile. Other parents are just people, some nicer than others. I genuinely don't understand parents who feel judge or looked down. If your kid is bullying mine, yes I will judge - and might even throw you evil look on a bad day, but apart from that, who cares. It's not an interview, you are just waiting for your kids.

If you are smoking at the gate, or have your music blasting or your phone on loud speaker in your badly parked car, I would judge too and I won't be the only one

ChocolatePHD · 14/10/2017 13:40

Who said we don't smile at people or say hello?!

The only point was that some people are shy and prefer to stay out of the social school gate stuff.

I for one don't feel judged or whatever. I'm just not comfortable being uber sociable. I like to keep myself to myself. Doesn't mean I'm unfriendly.

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 13:55

coddi you don't get why some people feel judged yet you freely admit that you judge and throw evil looks?

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 13:57

you freely admit that you judge and throw evil looks? IF YOUR CHILD IS BULLYING MINE!

Can't you really understand why that would be?

Orangepear · 14/10/2017 14:01

I use the waiting time as email admin time - pay childcare bills, read the school emails etc on my phone.

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 14:02

If someones child was bullying mine I like to think I would approach it in an adult manner. However I don't know your experiences and can sympathise how it must hurt terribly to see your dc upset.

The disapproval of smokers and music though...that is judgemental.

doodle01 · 14/10/2017 14:02

Is there after school care book kid in for half an hour

Hunkle · 14/10/2017 14:05

If parents dont arrive at 15.20 for pick up, all children get taken to homework club.

Its free from 15.20-16.20. No fee at all.

DD knows she has to go to it everyday. I pick her up from the door anytime I want.

I usually get there at 15.40, car park is empty by then.

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 14:07

hunkle that's fab wish my dc school did something like that it would benefit a lot of people

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 14/10/2017 14:08

What's not to love? Arrive at 2.45 and spend ten minutes driving in circles before you either risk a ticket by parking on a yellow line or park so far away you might as well have walked anyway. Or arrive at 2.20, get a space and spend 40 mins on your phone using up your data. 2.10 if you want pole position opposite the school.
Go in, say an embarrassed hello to the caretaker as you do twice a day, go to your classroom and then feel like Billy no mates while everyone around you is chatting away. (Probably just me, social anxiety). Pick up child, who tells you absolutely nothing about the previous 6 hours. Get into car, witness parking argument, queue to leave, try to avoid running over enthusiastic child on your way out. Make way for cars coming in late, frequent gridlock. Rinse and repeat for several years.

Ktown · 14/10/2017 14:09

No one is thinking about you at the gate. They just want to pick up their kids, possibly have a chat and leave.
It shouldn't be a big deal and isn't. If get a job as soon as your youngest is in nursery and then just deal with after school club as it is more flexible.

coddiwomple · 14/10/2017 14:10

The disapproval of smokers and music though...that is judgemental.

absolutely, but I just was trying to make the point that I judge - or even notice - others only when they are disturbing me, or having an impact on me.
I couldn't tell you if most adults at the gates are parents, child minders, grand parents or the neighbour.

Only throwing evil looks and not talking to the parents directly (and leaving the school to resolve it) was the most adult behaviour I could manage

Hunkle · 14/10/2017 14:22

Im very lucky that they do it. If Im working I dont get there until 16.20.

In the morning they charge £2 for 07.30-08.45 care, then they get taken to class by the teacher from the dining room.

Toast is 10p etc.

Titsywoo · 14/10/2017 14:28

Honestly I would say get over yourself and talk to people. Only because I am similar to you and it is much nicer for you and your DC if you can get along/make friends with the other mums. I didn't do it with DD's class and never really made friends with them but did with DS and it was actually really nice and he had more playdates etc because of it which is very good for them socially.

WhoWants2Know · 14/10/2017 14:33

You can always tell the shyest parents, because they get to school earliest for good parking and then play on their phones for as long as possible.

But once you have the baby, everyone will come square over him/her, and you'll have plenty of conversation.

Mittens1969 · 14/10/2017 14:38

I never used to like it at all, but I have to admit that DD2 being a social butterfly makes it easier now. She trots along with one of her friends and it gives me a reason to do small talk with the friend’s mum.

Hippiechic · 14/10/2017 19:20

I like the school run! I love seeing my dcs come out of school happy to see me and seeing them with their friends. I also like a chat with some of the other parents although some of them are actually friends so It's nice to see them. I like chatting to dcs on the way home, walking through the autumn leaves etc. I would miss it if I never did the school run. However I understand if you have spd then it's very difficult.

firawla · 14/10/2017 19:42

Surprised so many people hate the school run! I’m fairly introverted myself but actually quite like the school run, it’s nice to have a chat and catch up with dcs friends mums. Don’t like it when I have to drive though to be fair, as parking is a nightmare

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