Giving back gift

[airyfairytippytoes]

When I was pregnant with my son a friend of mine had one of those Next To You cots for your bed. She'd had her two children and wasn't planning on anymore so she said I could have it as I was having a section and it'd be useful.

I had it, used it and put it in the attic ready to use next time (my DS is now 2.5 and am planning on trying for another baby soon and will be having another CS). Friend messaged me yesterday saying another friend of hers (who I know) has had a baby so can she needs it now, and can I take it round to the other lady.

I have said I will dig it out (though god knows when, husband is away and I can't get in the attic) but I feel really put out! She definitely didn't lend it to me (she has lent me other things which I have returned with thanks as you would) she'd finished with it and gave it to me. If it'd been lent I'd have returned it as soon as I'd finished using it, wouldn't have stored it in my attic.

AIBU? Surely you don't give things away then expect to get them back years later?

Well she's not expecting it back she wants to loan it to someone else. She helped you now she's trying to help someone else I would not see it as a bad thing on her part

So surely 2014 she would say 'Would you mind lending it to X?' rather than 'I need it back'?

She said to take it round to the other lady. If you can't explain why e. Get it's in the loft or gave 8t to charity or its broken or whatever.

Why can't you go in the attic? I dont understand why that's got anything to do work your husband being away?
You should just give it back as asked, no need to be funny about it as far as I can see, u less there is more to this?

It depends on how much you want to keep your friend, if she is a nice person and always willing to help others, then I would do it, and maybe ask the person getting it if you can have it back when your expecting.
If you can't get it out of the attic ask the person who needs it if their husband can come and collect it.
If you don't mind losing a friend then say no...

I can't get in the attic because I can't climb a ladder due to a back problem. Husband can climb a ladder so at the moment only he can get into the attic.

Give it back then borrow it again when you have another baby. Sounds like a simple misunderstanding on both sides

I don't think it is unreasonable of her to ask if it can now go to another friend, as she knows you have it and aren't using it. Can't see why that would be offensive, even if she didn't word it quite to your liking.
Yes, generally once it has been given, it has been given, and if you said 'oh sorry, I passed it on to another friend / relation' then that would have been the end of it, but, as it was something she had found useful and she didn't think anyone was using at the moment, then I don't see a problem in her offering to other friend 'Oh, I'll ask AireyFairy if shes still got it' - that's just being thoughtful and helpful to her other friend as well as you.

Well the friend is obviously hoping that you’ll drop the cot over to the friend ASAP, so maybe ask someone to retrieve it from the attic and get it to this person ASAP. It would be petty and mean or you to delay handover.

Well then reply that's in the attic and due to your back you nerd to wait till dh gets home to get it down

It shouldn't be a big deal
She sounds like a generous person who wants to help out her friends. You're not using it so it shouldn't be an issue.

Well the friend is obviously hoping that you’ll drop the cot over to the friend ASAP, so maybe ask someone to retrieve it from the attic and get it to this person ASAP. It would be petty and mean or you to delay handover.

Seriously? Not only is OP meant to give back something that was a present, but she also has to find someone to come around and go into the attic for it? Perhaps she should also fill it with champagne and chocolates and hand deliver it on an ermine cushion?

I suppose I'm annoyed because I feel like it's mine (as it was given to me!). So not hers to lend out. I also won't be able to have it back/reuse (or I wouldn't be happy to) as I know that it's going to a home where people smoke. I'm sure they don't smoke in a bedroom but still, I wouldn't put my child to sleep in something thats been a smokers home even if it had been cleaned.

That's aside from the inconvenience of having to get it out - it'll be buried under a good eighteen months worth of saved baby stuff as we weren't planning to use it again until next year (hopefully). It'll take ages to find.

Well it's a bit of a pain but she clearly just sees it as something that's useful that can be passed round. You're not using so she has offered it to someone who needs it.
I would be honets though and say you're happy for them to have it but it won't be right away as you have a back injury and your husband is away so you can't get at it.
If they want it badly enough they'll have to come and get it.

I'm surprised at some of the responses- I can understand why you are annoyed by this. It would be different if the original owner simply told you about the other person and that she might like to borrow it, but just to tell you to drop it round is rude.

I suppose she just thought you are not using it and not pregnant so why not do as she did and pass it along to someone else? Ask her to come and get it from the attic as you can't for medical reasons. It could be years (or at least a year) before you need one anyway, loads of time to save for a new one.

Just tell her she said you could have it and you are using for next baby so won't be able to pass it on

It's rude. You don't tell people what to do with gifts. You also shouldn't order friends to be delivery drivers.

YANBU.

Yep seems rude to me. I mean she gave it to you, and now not only wants it back for someone else, but also wants you to take it to this other person.

Bit cheeky I think.

I would say you cannot find it. It's ok to 'want to help people' but what she is doing is making her a CF.

Your friend shouldn't have offered it to someone else, I think she was trying to be nice and helpful, without really thinking it through

Perhaps say to her that you was planning on keeping hold of it for future use, but if her friend really does need it, someone will have to come and get it out the attic.

I can never understand how people pass cots around everywhere for babies to use. I'm sure most adults wouldn't sleep in a 3rd/4th hand bed- why do we put babies in them?

Wasp, because you get a new mattress.

Wouldn't bother me. This is how it works with my friends and family with big baby items

It wasn't a gift though was it she didn't buy it for you. She bought it for her child and was decent enough to pass it on, I don't think she necessary meant for you to keep it. She knows another friend who would benefit from it the same as you did. You come across as rather snobby about the other lady because you won't get the benefit of it again.

If she definitely gave it to you, then I would just say to her you are planning to TTC and hope to be using it within the next year as you were under the impression she had given it to you rather than loaned it.