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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bloody annoyed about DH going out

42 replies

relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:38

We were invited to friends for dinner on Saturday evening. Asked DH whether he fancied it and he said he is already going into town with a group of friends for dinner and drinks and maybe a club.

There's no way this invitation was for us both as someone has to stay at home and look after the kids.

I don't mind him going out with friends normally but it's only two days away, completely organised and he only mentioned it because I brought it up. I don't know when he was planning on letting me know.

AIBU to be annoyed with him?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/10/2017 22:39

Does he have form?

TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 22:40

No.

Get some wine, order pizza and watch a film in peace.

Treat him going out as a gift.

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:40

Not really. He used to do this from time to time - every few months - years ago, but not since we had kids.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 12/10/2017 22:41

Unless there's a massive back story, you are being ridiculous. How far in advance do you want to know?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/10/2017 22:42

Yanbu. He should have discussed it with you.

grumpysquash3 · 12/10/2017 22:42

Hmm, confused. How come you were both invited for dinner and you asked him if he fancied it, but one of you has to stay home?

Were you asking him to stay home while you went out?

scrabbler3 · 12/10/2017 22:44

I think that it would have been courteous to check, given that (I assume) the kids can't look after themselves. What if you'd done the same thing?

justdontevenfuckingstart · 12/10/2017 22:44

I would have expected it to be mentioned, I told oh yesterday that I am going to see DD2 at uni next weekend. With young kids involved yes I would have thought it would have been brought up. I would be annoyed too.

cherryontopp · 12/10/2017 22:44

YANBU ..i would be very annoyed!

Only two days away and he just tells you, and that's only because, like you said, you had asked to see if he wanted to go with to you your friends.
Obviously he shouldn't ask for your permission to go out but as his wife, he should have the respect for you to tell you about his plans -especially if your the one who'll be looking after your dc.

ike you say it's only 2 days away,

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:45

Sorry, he was talking about a different evening that was all set up, not the dinner invitation.

I would have preferred to know when he was in the process of setting it up. Knowing the people he has organised with, he's probably known since at least last weekend and just not bothered to tell me.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 12/10/2017 22:45

Could he have forgotten to mention it sooner?

PinkHeart5914 · 12/10/2017 22:46

Unless he does it regularly I wouldn’t have an issue

If you wanted him to go dinner with friends then you were going to need a babysitter anyway surely? So why not get that babysitter and both go out separately?

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:46

With the dinner invitation, our friends have a spare room and we take the kids and they play with our friends' kids then sleep upstairs while we eat.

OP posts:
justdontevenfuckingstart · 12/10/2017 22:46

grumpy the friend invite that dh is going to was not a joint invite, not the dinner.

Threenme · 12/10/2017 22:49

I book holidays without telling dh, he's always off somewhere. I don't get why people want weeks of notice to go out once every few months. Do people's dh never come home from work and decide to nip to pub or a random night out?? We do loads together and with kids but have our own life! 100% wouldn't bother me.

BlueSapp · 12/10/2017 22:51

I’d be raging, what if you wanted to do something with your friends should you ask him and give him more than two days notice? he’s a cheeky git

BlueSapp · 12/10/2017 22:51

Would not should

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:51

He nips to the pub once or twice a week and I don't mind that as it's impromptu. But this just feels like I'm not even important enough for him to mention his plans to.

OP posts:
justdontevenfuckingstart · 12/10/2017 22:52

Threen I agree, but he knew he was going so you would say wouldn't you once you knew you were going out.

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 22:52

Threeenme, seriously, entire holidays?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/10/2017 23:03

Threenme - what if you both booked holidays at the same time and didn't bother to tell each other? Who would look after dc? The op isn't saying he can't go out, just that he should probably mention it to her.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/10/2017 23:04

Ask him when he was planning on organising the babysitter?

Original poster
relevantstuff · 12/10/2017 23:12

I bloody ought to Angry

It's very petty but I'm tempted to just not go home after work tomorrow and then text and tell him I forgot to mention that I was going out

OP posts:
BelleandBeast · 12/10/2017 23:14

The thing is, it should be in the calendar. What if you had arranged a night also and forgot to tell him? You can't do that with kids, it is massively presumptuous on you to be the one at home that night.

CharlotteAnn · 12/10/2017 23:17

Is it possible he just forgot to tell you? I know it seems a bit thoughtless, but it's easily done. DH and myself have both forgotten, on occasion, to fill the other one in on our plans resulting in there being nobody to look after the kids. (Not necessarily going out on the razzle stuff - some meetings or just a quiet drink with a friend)
We just thrashed out whose arrangements had been made first, or which was more important. It hasn't happened all that often, but over a period of 20 yearsadds up to quite a few. So I suppose it can be a bit annoying if you've actually double-booked - but in this case you hadn't so not really annoying at all.

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