did toddlers have tantrums 50 years ago?

[ClaraBowWasSoLovely]

Apologies - I bunged this in 'somewhere' yesterday due to computer illiteracy.
My children are in their forties and I don't remember any tantrums, no screaming, flailing, writhing on the floor (my marbles are intact).
I was 18 with my first, so was making it up as I went along.
Perhaps the world was quieter, calmer. We left our children outside shops!
No long distance travel.
Apparently (thanks, Google) other cultures don't experience toddler meltdowns. A writer asserted that the 'terrible twos' doesn't exist.
I'm ancient now, so no little ones of my own.
What do you older parents/grandparents think?

I'm in my 40s, btw. And I was notoriously horrendous as a small child. My mother was, too - my grandmother used to say she hoped she had a child as awful as she was... "and she did!".

I do though recall many a young child getting a smacked bottom back 'in the day', even in public. I am in no way saying that was right, it wasn't, but I do know that the threat of 'if you don't stop that behaviour I'll smack your bottom' was enough to curtail any really bad behaviour.
This was my experience too. I was known for going silent for several hours when I was annoyed/ upset when aged about 2-4, and I was definitely smacked quite often when older - I think some DCs back then developed other ways of expressing their anger/ distress, because of the painful corporal punishment.

I still flinch if someone walks up close behind me without me hearing (my mother did this and smacked me, if I failed to answer a question).

I didn't, but dh did according to mil. I'm oldest, he's youngest.

Maybe it’s because life was different back then. It was more laid back where as now everyone is in a rush because there is so much to get done in a day children are now throwing tantrums in public rather than just at home. Because of this you notice the tantrum of today’s children.

Also internet and phones could be a contribution. I hold my hands up to this and anyone that doesn’t is lying but kids notice we are preoccupied with phones/tablets etc and they do get less attention from us because of it. 50 years ago if you wanted to chat to someone you would open the front door and talk to many of the ladies on your street and the kids would play. How often do kids get to go out and play now before the age of 10? Probably not many

My dd aged 11, only had tantrums if her lunch was late and I realized if her blood sugar dropped she became nightmare toddler. I wonder if people had more routine 50 years ago?

My eldest two tantrummed, my youngest, not really. Fairly sure it was down to their personalities, not anything I did or didn't do. I think maybe you just got lucky.

I think some DCs back then developed other ways of expressing their anger/ distress, because of the painful corporal punishment.

Absolutely.

Yep. I’m 59 and I remember having a few epic tantrums until I learned that they were always rewarded with punishment, which didn’t take long. It usually took the form of something I loved being withdrawn, and, yes, on occasion a slap when immediate action was needed. I too remember being sent to sit alone in the car when I had misbehaved at a meal out. The difference now is that we are all treated to full blown tantrums because parents allow their children to give vent instead of doing what would have been done years ago, and that is shutting them down immediately to make the little darlings realise that their behaviour was not acceptable and would have consequences.

I’m probably going to bring a barrage of abuse down on my head for this, but we are constantly told it’s wrong to smack, and I honestly think this is partly the reason why we constantly see children behaving so badly that they leave their parents clearly so embarrassed as to want the floor to open up and swallow them. My parents used a quick, hard slap as a fix when immediate action was needed, followed up at a more convenient time with a conversation to make sure I understood why I had been punished and that I was clear if I did whatever it was again, the same thing would happen. I’m still here, I’m not mentally scarred, and I think I’m reasonably well adjusted. There is a generation of children growing up now, a lot of whom will turn out to be horrible, selfish individuals simply because they have had no discipline during their formative years.

Children need boundaries and guidance. A lot don’t get that because their parents are either too weak to deal with them or they prefer to be a ‘friend’ rather than a parent. I think it’s also true that a lot of parents won’t chastise or punish in public for fear of criticism. I was recently treated to a little girl of about four of five, screaming and crying in the checkout queue of Sainsburys because her mum had refused to buy her one of the ‘impulse purchase’ sweeties placed by the tills. She stamped out of the queue and nearly knocked me over, sat down in the middle of the aisle and wailed. Her mum was so embarrassed she ended up bargaining with the child, who got what she wanted simply to shut her up. How can that be right - it teaches the child that she will be rewarded for bad behaviour and the situation will just snowball.

Sorry for the rant, but I’m sure we all have our own experiences of this kind of thing, and I really don’t know what the answer is.

Maybe not so much as I certainly was hit a lot and if very naughty belted with a leather belt. I ma 51

It's a normal part of child development. There were children 50 years/100 years/1000 years ago, ergo some of them struggled to understand the boundaries and had hissy fits.

If the OP doesn't remember, it's possible she was such an amazing parent that she predicted and prevented her DC becoming dysregulated, or more likely, it was so fucking hard raising a child at age 18 the memories have been whitewashed.

pam290358 I was never smacked and was, by all accounts, a very well behaved child. I have never ever smacked DD1 and she’s an angel. I’ve patented DD2 in exactly the same way, and she is a tantrummer.
It does not follow that smacked children = well behaved children. It’s nonsense.

Some children don't have major tantrums - and I don't think it's all down to parenting or lifestyle either.

My brother is in his mid-40s. We have a Christmas day tantrum of his on tape, complete with screaming and thrashing.

I am in my 40's my mum entirely recalls slapping me for tantrums. My gran remembers pinning down my aunt's and uncles to stop them flailing about during nappy changes.

My grandmother used to say my father used to scream then hold his breath until he passed out. He would be 98 if he was still with us. Two of my children had tantrums and two didn't. They are all now in their 20's. I can't remember if I did, but I do remember watching my cousin with fascination as she screamed and jumped up and down. We are in our mid 50s/ My husband apparently used to have almighty tantrums as well.

My sister and I are in our 40s, she used to have mega tantrums, still remember them. I think it depends on the child, my DD had tantrums, but they were never the laying on the floor, failing kind, just more inconsolable sobbing.

My mum, born in the 40s, remembers having huge tantrums. She is in her 70 s now and her older siblings still talks about them.

My brother was born in in 1965. I'm nearly 10 years older, and remember his dreadful tantrums well.

He went through a phase of expressing his displeasure by taking his shoes off and throwing them, and one occasion reduced my mother to tears by throwing one of them out of the window of a moving train. He also used to grab stuff off supermarket shelves and chuck it at passing shoppers. He hit a woman with a tin of peaches once. He used to scream the house down when he was put in his cot, until he learned to climb out of it and go walkabout. My dad had to fit a bolt to the top of the front door to stop him from escaping.

He was an utter bloody nightmare.

I'm re-reading Ramona books to my DCs, and there are plenty of references to Ramona making "big noisy fusses" to get what she wants because her mother will give in just to shut her up. The first book of the series was published in 1955!

My aunt is 59 and her tantrums are still spoken of around these parts. They were apparently utterly epic in their awfulness.

I'm 45 and had dreadful tantrums. My mum would deal with them by beating me. So they got less and less. Nice I was playing up in a restaurant , probably aged 5 or so, and I was messing around being loud etc and she took her stiletto shoe and ground the tip into the top of my foot. It worked. I quietened down.

She died aged 66 about 3 yrs ago. I don't miss her and grew up being terrified of her and gave severe anxiety

So maybe it's a good thing we deal with tantrums differently. I struggle every day to not be a mum like her.

LakieLady I'm sorry, but that made me laugh.

Some kids just don't do it, maybe yours were like that? My son only really ever had two proper tantrums.

He did plenty of crying and sulking though, lots of expressive pouting and angry arm crossing.

I think it's just because children have different ways of expressing their emotions. Some are really outwardly expressive, others draw into themselves.

My 5 year old has never had a tantrum.
Sulky yes but never had a tantrum I swear.
My 16 month old however is throwing them left right and centre

I haven't rtft so I'm sure this has already been said but I believe that years ago a) it was more common for children to be left to cry & b) we tended to live in bigger family groups years ago so childcare didn't fall (almost) exclusivelyon the mother as is the case these days