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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to tell DS to slow down? To want my old DS back?

82 replies

forevermisunderstood · 11/10/2017 22:53

I've name changed to remain understood.

My DS, who's 14, has recently started a new school. He is a very popular person in his prior and his new school, and has already started to go out a lot. He is an incredibly kind and helpful person to anyone, but I'm beginning to notice the teenage angst.

He is now extremely uptight about his phone and doesn't agree to me using it. I am quite a firm parent and made sure I checked up on it, to find a girl on his home screen. Of course I was surprised, so I questioned it and he revealed that she was his girlfriend. We don't often talk about relationships so I was happy he came forward with it.

This past Monday his charger broke so he had to leave his phone in my room overnight. I woke up early on Tuesday due to the barrage of texts he received from a different girl, who complained that he was a 'fuckboy'. He received similar messages before but he said they were just jokes.

As an obviously sleep-deprived parent I sat him down and told him to explain fully. He started from the begin. There is a website/app called Sarahah that a lot of his peers are using to reveal secrets anonymously. He says that he has received a lot of love and comments saying he's the best looking in the year, kindest etc. At school familiar compliments continued and he started to talk to different girls. This is where the term 'fuckboy' comes into play. He has been called such for moving from one girl to another in such a short time - he's had 8 different girlfriends in just under a month and a half! Most girls have 'fallen' for him and he is now a 'player' ffs!

Maybe it's just me who doesn't understand school but I've never known a boy at school to have so many in love with him and have so many girlfriends. DH says it is an extremely unhealthy attitude that will disrupt his future which I completely agree about (but he definitely got his looks from his father). Towards the end he rambles on about how he's like a celeb and how people often wait outside his class - so bizarre!

Today I had been infuriated when it came to my attention that the party the DS attended on Friday had not only drinks but some young people taking it further with each other. DS insists that he did not have sex but said he did lie with multiple girls and kiss some of them. Despite this, a friends mum sent me an image of DS and her daughter extremely close with DS shirtless and jeans undone. This news made me extremely disappointed because this is the same DS that although he was veryyy popular in his last school, volunteered at charities and came home straight from his last school to do housework and/or begin cooking.

Our family does not drink, and I don't think DS drank anything on Saturday, but this isn't right to me. I'm happy that he has confidence at a new school and he is experimenting with light love, but I just want my DS back. I've explained this to him and taken his phone away for the half term for lying (concerning the photo) but he remains adamant that he isn't doing anything wrong. In his words - 'It's not my fault all the girls like me!'.

AIBU to want my old DS back?

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 12/10/2017 07:02

Fuckboy doesn't mean fucks and leaves, it means a boy/man who is just a bit pathetic, who lies to women to get sex, who brings every conversation back to sex or who initiated sexual chat out of nowhere, who wants a girlfriend but pretends they are more casual than they are etc
Basically a sex obsessed dick head.

WellThisIsShit · 12/10/2017 07:02

'Light love'?

I've never heard that expression before.

Creambun2 · 12/10/2017 07:04

Love the stealth boasting about dh looks.

Kittysparks1 · 12/10/2017 07:16

Hi OP,
Your son sounds pretty tame to be fair. I remember when I was in year 10. Me and my peers were doing all sorts of illegal activities.
I do think you need to do the whole condom/safe sex/consequences chat.
But just in my opinion, you should not be so disappointed, it could be a lot worse! Everyone turns into a dick head at that age.
Just make sure you keep lines of communication open. My mum never judged so I could go to her if I had fucked up. She wasn't happy but she knew the ins and outs of my life. Had she of punished me by taking away my phone for example, I would only become secretive. At least she knew what I was up to and could try to guide me.

eyebrowsonfleek · 12/10/2017 07:20

Fuckboy is the male equivalent of slut so not good at all. Not someone who dates girls in quick succession. They are the ones asking for nudes and being sexually sleazy in general. They are boys who will sleep with anyone with a pulse.

The expression “light love” made me laugh a bit. Do you mean fondling or more? The unbuttoned trousers 😳

I’m a parent to teens in a naice school but I know it’s not unheard of for oral sex to happen at age 14. Attitudes like if he gets someone pregnant it will be the end of the world is silly. If it happens, it will be too late to go crazy since he’s had sex without protection already. You need to drill into him that condoms don’t just prevent pregnancy but also STIs.

BankRobber · 12/10/2017 07:21

AIBU to want my old DS back?

Yes you are because he's growing up now and is never gonna be that little child any more so you need to suck that up

Sounds like he's making some unwise decisions but what teens don't

Three of mine are teenagers and are far more tear away than your son by the sounds of it

but I think you should stay away from his phone because it's invading his privacy

eyebrowsonfleek · 12/10/2017 07:21

If there was drink, I bet there were drugs at the party. It’s easier for teens to buy weed than booze these days.

Mix56 · 12/10/2017 07:31

I would say your real problem, is to know how many of thee girls are already pregnant.

GinIsIn · 12/10/2017 07:35

Is this the part where we're all supposed to chip in with tales of teenaged orgies? Hmm

Oblomov17 · 12/10/2017 07:50

Your real problem is that your son is entitled and arrogant : he thinks he’s good looking and that it’s cool to be a fuckboy. And a total lack of respect for girls aswell.

He’s seriously conceited. And a week of phone taking away isn’t going to make any difference.

Dh and you need to sit him down and have some serious conversations, along the lines of who the fuck do you think you are/these are very unattractive traits.

diddl · 12/10/2017 07:51

"he did lie with multiple girls and kiss some of them."

All at the same party?

Sounds awful.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 12/10/2017 08:04

It seems fairly obvious that the term 'fuckboy' means different things in different schools and probably school years

Whatever it means its not pleasant and may not even be true, it could be a very mean 'joke'

Having said that you do need to make sure he is very aware that its not a good thing to be and as others have suggested keep more of an eye on him and ensure that he is well aware of respect issues both for himself and others and sexual safety

whitehorsesdonotlie · 12/10/2017 08:10

he is experimenting with light love

WTAF??

You need to talk to him about boundaries, being respectful, having girls as friends instead of seeing them as objects to kiss/go out with, etc.

he said he did lie with multiple girls and kiss some of them.

Oh dear.

Suggest he forgets about having girlfriends for a while and concentrates on settling in to his new school, making friends and trying to get rid of the horrible reptutation he's already gained.

And delete Sarahah from his phone.

AtlanticWaves · 12/10/2017 08:28

Absolutely children that age have orgies. There was a big hoo har at the school local to me when lots of year 10 and 11 children were getting together for orgies.

wannabestressfree · 12/10/2017 08:35

Fuckboy definitely does not mean what you think it does. I just read your definition to my ds16 and he laughed.

actuallyspeechless · 12/10/2017 09:08

Sorry OP but you need to reign him in before he makes you a nana! I've kept my teenage DD away from 'fuckboys' although it helps that DH is very scary looking

LivingInLaLaLand · 12/10/2017 09:17

And delete Sarahah from his phone

Saraha is not the problem, his attitude is.

They pretty much all use it at this age, it's just a bit of fun & a way for them to anonymously compliment each other or ask questions. They all get these messages, DD & her friends, both male & female certainly do, difference is, they don't let it go to their heads.

Kitty's advice below is good though, you do need to keep the lines of communication open & too harsh consequences such as removing his phone won't achieve that. You do also need to tackle this head on & stop pussy footing around though, he's not your precious little boy anymore, he's growing up fast, they all do, but if you are not very careful you will have a first class arsehole on your hands, sounds like he's already halfway there & he's manipulating the he'll out of you as he knows you won't believe it. You & your DH have some serious damage limitation to do - good luck

bottlesandcans · 12/10/2017 10:26

Stealth boast about your son's good looks and vile behaviour.. ok

paxillin · 12/10/2017 10:41

Fuckboy means wimp.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/10/2017 10:47

Agree that the undercurrent to your post is a little bit proud - presumably that he is seen as good looking (why the fuck put in that bit about 'he got his looks from his father' - why comment on how he looks at all, and especially the kind of aside that actually yes you think he's good looking too - that honestly is how this comes across, even if you are also clearly bothered etc.).

He's 14 - how he looks (presumably your average boyish-faced lad) is irrelevant. His attitude, however (if you want to make it all about sex appeal) is what will in the future turn decent women off him and make it harder for him to form good relationships.

actuallyspeechless · 12/10/2017 18:59

Fuckboy is also used in the terms of a lad who is a total twat WRT breaking girls hearts and shitting on his mates to get what he wants

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/10/2017 19:11

Oh and by the way - he is drinking too!

Tiddlywinks63 · 12/10/2017 19:15

He sounds arrogant and is using his good looks to reel in girls. You certainly appear to be reinforcing that he's some sort of Adonis 😳
I wouldn't have wanted my DS behaving like that at any time; it seems he already has managed to cultivate a rather seedy reputation at his new school. Regarding the photo, I would be fervently hoping that it doesn't end up on social media.
He needs sorting out pdq before he becomes a first class asshole.

Ttbb · 12/10/2017 19:26

YABU for sending him to such a trashy school. If he's acting like this at 14 can you imagine what he will turn into at 24? Why did you move schools? Can you move him back? You also need to sit him down and teach him some self respect. If he was a girl people would've calling him and slut and a whore. Just because he is a boy doesn't mean that it is ok to be easy. It's a recipe for STDs and unwanted pregnancies. It also shows a lack of self esteem. If you will any old girl just because she shows an interest in you what does that say about you? He's also being terribly disrespectful towards these girls. Surely he knows that he is taking advantage of their own lack of self respect. He must also be aware of how this makes them feel and the fact that many of them will be bullied for what he does to them. This is all getting very out of hand very quickly. Unless you want five different grand children from five different girls in the next five years you need to teach him to be more honoroable.

Graphista · 12/10/2017 19:29

Don't think it's a trashy school Hmm even IF it was any child raised right wouldn't be influenced by that.