Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be pissed off with passive aggressive seat hogger?

103 replies

Tigerpaws57 · 11/10/2017 16:29

Booked my long distance train seat way in advance to ensure i got the seat i wanted.. forward facing window seat with a table as I like it. Really looking forward to an enjoyable journey. Get on train to discover other three seats are occupied by a mum with two kids aged about 8 and 10, table covered in colouring books/snacks/drinks/i-pads etc. My booked seat is occupied by smiling granny who says "I know this is your seat dear but obviously i would like to travel with my family so I am sure you won't mind swapping with my booked seat would you dear?" No choice really was there? Impose myself on disgruntled family or take her seat? So I had a miserable, long, uncomfortable journey in back facing (nausea-inducing) aisle seat with no view

OP posts:
NotAgainYoda · 11/10/2017 19:51

Barbarian

I agree. If someone's prepared to ask then they must be prepared to be turned down. Likewise, if you don't want to do something, don't do it.

Assertiveness is really liberating. I regret the times in the past when I fumed afterwards. Wasted emotion.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 11/10/2017 19:53

I think it's phenomenally cheeky to
Purposely take someone's far superior seat and virtually dare them to turf you out

Glumglowworm · 11/10/2017 19:54

You should have said no if you didn't want to swap, and if she refused to move then you shouldn't got the conductor.

Why would you travel backwards if that makes you ill just so a random family can sit together in your seat? Who cares if they sulk? You won't see them again after you get off the train!

Fattychan123 · 11/10/2017 19:55

I would of told the granny to fuck off.

Then again I have no manners. However I do get to sit in the seats I have paid for. Swings and roundabouts really isn't it.

NotAgainYoda · 11/10/2017 20:01

DrKrogers

I do see your point. I think that the way I approach it now is to see that it's cheeky, and a bit manipulative (in the case of the granny's words in the OP), but I like to act as if I believe it to be a reasonable request that's easy to reasonably turn down. If I do that I don't feel angry and I don't feel guilty if I say no. They can then deal with their own reactions to it. IYSWIM

Original poster
Tigerpaws57 · 11/10/2017 20:13

Thanks for responses everyone. Seems like I've been a bit of a wimp in this situation. Will be ready for the next cheeky granny who tries to nab my seat though!

OP posts:
Catsize · 11/10/2017 20:15

A seat?? On a train?? Where are these trains?

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 11/10/2017 20:18

I don't think you've been a wimp OP

That's a good approach NotAgainYoda

SusanTheGentle · 11/10/2017 20:21

There's nothing wrong with kindly allowing them to sit together if that's OK with you Tiger, you don't have to always be mega assertive.

But she should have actually given you a choice and not been a CF, and you actually didn't want to. These sorts of situations are actually gifts; they're an excellent way to practise being assertive in a low stakes way, as you'll never see these people again.

Though I still recommend the "get bumped to first" strategy, but start small, those conductors can be quite firm themselves!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 11/10/2017 20:32

You just need to smile and say 'Unfortunately I can't help unless you find me a comparable seat, as I booked this seat for the - but if you find me the same, I'll glady move for you' and smile again.

AnathemaPulsifer · 11/10/2017 20:35

These sorts of situations are actually gifts; they're an excellent way to practise being assertive in a low stakes way, as you'll never see these people again.

Perfect way to look at it!!

ForalltheSaints · 11/10/2017 20:35

Given that you have a reason not to be in a backward facing seat, then a refusal would have been reasonable.

tigerdriverII · 11/10/2017 20:45

Awkward - I’d have no problem if granny was on her own but having to sit with the family would be a bit tense I suspect.

Had a similar thing on a flight to Greece. DH and DS were seated together and I was separated from them a couple of rows back. I was absolutely delighted as I had three hours of peace and quiet ahead of me with a nice book. Then the family next to me made a huge fuss about swapping seats, and when I said I really didn’t mind, said their mother (a fit and healthy woman in her 60s, we ended up at the same resort as them so got to know them) didn’t want to sit on her own. Aaaargh.

HouseholdWords · 11/10/2017 21:12

Ha ha! I've been in a similar situation and I insist on my booked seat as I generally book a table seat with window view and power point so I can get out my laptop and get on with my work. And I require my space on the table. I don't really care if they silk around me. I put my headphones in and focus on my work. I'm usually pretty oblivious to my seat neighbours. I ensure I don't take up more than my allotted space, but I do insist on that space.

Andrewofgg · 11/10/2017 21:46

HouseholdWords If you and I ever share a table on a train we will get on famously because I won't take more than my share of the space and I won't even use a power point. And I won't "silk" round you Grin

HouseholdWords · 12/10/2017 10:05

Grin Grin

And I might even offer you some of my Cake

HornyTortoise · 12/10/2017 14:05

Had some cheeky fucker on a plane once wanting to swap their aisle seat with my 4 year old DDs window seat, as she wanted to look out of the window and the view is wasted on a child apparently Hmm

Some people are just pisstakers. Stuff like this though I don't budge on, despite not really being the most assertive person.

GhostsToMonsoon · 12/10/2017 14:15

I would have told her that she should have reserved her seat if she wanted to travel with her family! If you have reserved a seat, you have the right to sit in it. They might have been able to find another table somewhere.

I did feel a bit mean one time I went on a train and asked the man in my reserved seat to move. He wasn't with family but was having a good chat to someone he had met on the train. But I hate the backward-facing seats on Virgin trains as they make me feel travel sick. I sometimes get London Midland, which take an hour longer but don't induce nausea or smell of toilets.

grannytomine · 12/10/2017 14:24

Sorry I know this isn't the point but how do you select a particular seat? When I book online I will choose window seat/table/forward facing or whatever but it frequently isn't that when I get on the train. Do you have to book at the station?

I'm not particularly bothered myself but my husband is disabled and suffers very badly from travel sickness (not great for anyone when you can't move fast when you are sick!)

Sorry to but in OP and I wasn't the granny by the way.

JacquesHammer · 12/10/2017 14:39

Sorry I know this isn't the point but how do you select a particular seat? When I book online I will choose window seat/table/forward facing or whatever but it frequently isn't that when I get on the train. Do you have to book at the station?

If you call the rail company direct they can chat through the specific seats left with you on the phone. I book all my seats over the phone not online to ensure I get what I want.

HouseholdWords · 12/10/2017 14:46

Also, some of the train operating companies (Virgin, GWR, CrossCountry) allow you to choose your seat when you make an online advance ticket booking.

thecatsthecats · 12/10/2017 14:52

I found a woman in my plane window seat on my way out on holiday. She was actually eyeing up people coming up the aisle, clearly knowing that someone was coming to take it. I asked her to move, and she feigned ignorance of the seat lettering (because obviously seats across the aisle would go DEFABC Hmm).

She spent half the flight trying to peer plaintively around me with a mournful expression. I'm afraid I took a bit of pleasure in stretching, moving my book etc when she did it. It was only a tenner to pay for a window seat.

frieda909 · 12/10/2017 15:02

I had to get a train across France recently and I don't speak any French. I'd just say down in my booked seat when the woman across the aisle, with a child on her lap, started talking to me and gesticulating frantically. I eventually figured out that she wanted me to swap seats with her so that her child could have the empty seat next to mine. I agreed (by nodding!) and moved to the seat she had been in.

A minute later a guy got on and indicated that I was in his seat, so I turned back to the woman I'd swapped with and she just sort of shrugged like it wasn't her problem! Shock cheeky cow.

I managed to make her move eventually.

ParanoidBeryl · 12/10/2017 15:07

@Hawkmoth Grin

BlueSapp · 12/10/2017 16:13

Granny Up to Fuck, thats my seat my names on it so fuck off!

Thats the line next time, if the family don't like it tuff shite, you should not be made feel ill on the beheist of some ole coffin dodger, brinbg some headphones bang then on with some music or an audio book and you'll never even notice the sulkers.