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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be pissed off with passive aggressive seat hogger?

103 replies

Tigerpaws57 · 11/10/2017 16:29

Booked my long distance train seat way in advance to ensure i got the seat i wanted.. forward facing window seat with a table as I like it. Really looking forward to an enjoyable journey. Get on train to discover other three seats are occupied by a mum with two kids aged about 8 and 10, table covered in colouring books/snacks/drinks/i-pads etc. My booked seat is occupied by smiling granny who says "I know this is your seat dear but obviously i would like to travel with my family so I am sure you won't mind swapping with my booked seat would you dear?" No choice really was there? Impose myself on disgruntled family or take her seat? So I had a miserable, long, uncomfortable journey in back facing (nausea-inducing) aisle seat with no view

OP posts:
kali110 · 11/10/2017 17:30

Obviously yanbu but I don't understand why any lone or couple travellers would book a table seat. Your legs intermingle with the person opposite and you have to actively avoid eye contact.
Plug? Table to read on?

Twoo · 11/10/2017 17:31

If it meant feeling sick by swapping seats I would have politely said 'sorry I booked this seat due to health issues'. They might not have liked that but why have bookable seats otherwise.

SusanTheGentle · 11/10/2017 17:31

I often need to work on train journeys Morris, it's better for my back if I can have a table seat for my laptop and a plug.

Of course, if work would just pay for first class in the first place this wouldn't be a problem, but it turns out that tax payers get pissy if they think we're having fun working at our jobs at the tax payers expense, so we have to sit in normal class and take up granny's seat instead.

It's almost like the whole structure of train fares is completely bassackwards and only there to make money for Richard Branson.

(Note: I like sitting in first but I actually think it should be abolished so more people could have a seat in the first place.)

StellaRockafella · 11/10/2017 17:32

I think this was pre-meditated on their part and they probably booked these seats intending to do this. You should have stood your ground, I think if you (and more people did), others wouldn't try this sort of thing.

I had someone try to do this to me in the cinema. I'd pre-booked my seat the day booking has opened and they'd bought last minute tickets either side of me. They were not impressed that I wouldn't move, and I wasn't impressed they were trying to pick a fight with me/bully me.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 11/10/2017 17:34

I will tell you that you should have been politely insistent on your seat, but in reality i would have done the same as you.

I hate confrontation.

Hawkmoth · 11/10/2017 17:38

Once a man was sat in my seat and I made him move. Only when he got up did I see his white stick and realised the sunglasses were for more than the light. It's up there in my top ten worst moments.

Someone else gave him a seat and I had to stare out of the window all the way home.

FluffyNinja · 11/10/2017 17:39

I once had an arsehole bloke sat in my booked seat on a very full train that was homeward bound and a 4 hour journey. He was rude and obnoxious and refused to move so I went to speak to the conductor. She found me a lovely seat in first class with free drinks/snacks etc. After about an hour, I wandered back down the train and leaned over towards arsey bloke and said with a big smile, 'Hey thanks for getting me bumped into First Class, really appreciate it' and sauntered off.
Next time, speak to the conductor and let them resolve it for you.

RubyWinterstorm · 11/10/2017 17:39

I would have said :"fine" then 3 seconds later start feeling cross, and wish my automatic response would not have been the polite one.

Sometimes I think us women are conditioned to be accommodating and causing no fuss...

I want to be a take-no-shit sort of person, but I am working on it...

BankRobber · 11/10/2017 17:43

I travel up and down the East Coast main line regularly and there was one occasion a woman got on and I heard her say to her companion that there better not be anyone sat in her seat or she'd complain. There wasn't anyone in her seat but she then sat down in my son's seat and refused to move Hmm the double standards entitled hag

Sometimes you're gonna find someone in your seat legitimately though if one or more of you is on a flexible ticket

washingmachinefastwash · 11/10/2017 17:45

Why didn’t you tell her to move?

charleyfarleysaunt · 11/10/2017 17:47

I am now girding my loins as I have a reserved seat tomorrow... no way am I giving it up!

Fairenuff · 11/10/2017 17:54

Why don't these things ever happen to me? I would have loved to have turfed cheeky fucker granny out of my seat.

Scrumptiousbears · 11/10/2017 17:57

None. Off CF granny fucks.

NotAgainYoda · 11/10/2017 18:00

I would not have agreed to this if it meant me going backwards.

I might not even agree if I just didn't feel like it. I will help a person in need, every time, but not someone who just stuffed up and is being cheeky

LadyinCement · 11/10/2017 18:01

Last year I went to see Fleetwood Mac. Very good seats as dh had booked the minute bookings opened.

This woman comes along and sits next to dh, and there is a heated exchange with the woman gesticulating towards 20 rows back. She and her boyfriend had got last-minute tickets but couldn't get seats together. She wanted dh to swap with her boyfriend! She was actually thinking that dh would go and leave me and sit in a far inferior seat. When dh said sorry, no, she wasn't happy at all. They didn't seem to consider asking the person next to the bf if they'd like to move to a better seat...

NotAgainYoda · 11/10/2017 18:01

Ruby

I recommend the menopause. It's done wonders for me

lucydogz · 11/10/2017 18:05

I recommend the menopause. It's done wonders for me so true

Seeingadistance · 11/10/2017 18:14

I recommend the menopause. It's done wonders for me

Not quite menopausal yet, but nearly 50 now and while I can see a younger me in the OP, I'm not like that any more!

Easyonthetonic · 11/10/2017 18:22

Bloody cheek.

I would have said I wasn't happy and why I booked the seat but let her have it, telling them it would be awkward to sit there now.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 11/10/2017 18:35

How bloody annoying.
Very rude and pushy of grandma. I'm not sure how I would have responded tbh and I can see why you caved in order to avoid a confrontation, but she was being unreasonable and you would have been perfectly within your rights to say so. Obviously plenty of smart responses come to me now but at the time, yes, I can see why it was awkward and I'm not given to avoiding confrontation per se

Ilovetolurk · 11/10/2017 19:09

OP I had the exact situation last week

Dear old granny had to move and she looked like she was about to crumble away from osteoporosis as she did so

I said I am sorry i need to be next to the window and face forward i get travel sick

Did not feel bad as it was true

StealthPolarBear · 11/10/2017 19:46

I agree with morris on the Virgin trains I have a plug socket and loads more room to work in a normal window seat. Plus no ones cup of tea precariously balanced near my laptop

StealthPolarBear · 11/10/2017 19:48

"
Sometimes you're gonna find someone in your seat legitimately though if one or more of you is on a flexible ticket"
No... The person who booked the seat on that train gets it. Flexible tickets fine but if you're not on your booked train then you take whatever seat you can find.

BarbarianMum · 11/10/2017 19:49

I don't think it was particularly cheeky of her to ask and I don't think it would have been rude of you to refuse. If anything I think you are being a bit passive aggressive by agreeing then fuming about it.

StealthPolarBear · 11/10/2017 19:49

In fact I usually find it impossible to work on ac table unless there's just one other person on it.

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