AIBU to go batshit at my MIL?

[candypanda283]

Link to original thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3022804-Keeping-babies-away-from-family-member-with-shingles-aibu

Our Dr advised we keep our prem babies away from a great grandparent with shingles until the rash was gone. My mil thought it was unreasonable as 6 months later the person was unable to get rid of the shingles. Anyway she told us to take our babies round as the rash was gone. I let the family member hold one of them and then they caught chicken pox and my husband has lost over 400 pounds this week as baby has been so poorly and needed to go to out of hours on numerous occasions. When confronted MIL acknowledged she knew the rash was still there but "a nurse" told her it wasn't shingles so she told us it was gone.

AIBU to go batshit at my mil?we are skint this month now and my baby has had pox in his throat and been inconsolable all week. I'm livid.

I believe a person with an immunity issue could have shingles for months.

YANBU. Your MIL was incredibly stupid and selfish. I would limit contact for now, but I would make her aware of why I felt so angry.

I believe a person with an immunity issue could have shingles for months

The typical course of illness is 3 to 5 weeks, but it could certainly be longer for someone who is immunodeficient.

What was her reaction when you told her the consequences of her actions?

It doesn't matter whether your babe caught Chicken Pox from GGP or not. The fact is that your MiL lied to you , putting your babe at risk.

Since it is likely that your babe did catch it this way, at the very least she should be offering to pay the money you had to fork out. And I would be limiting her access in future.

YA definitely NBU. This type of 'I know better than you' attitude is condescending as fuck and in this case, dangerous. Your DH needs to give your MIL a proper bollocking.
You're right to be completely fuming.

I too am curious to know how she reacted to discovering the chidlren had become ill....

She basically said she's sorry our baby is poorly but it must be unrelated as the nurse says it's not shingles.. sigh. They've been housebound for 3 weeks due to throat infections.

OP, why didn't you check with the person who you were visiting before you went?

Sorry to hear.

In the future say that she can no longer be trusted to keep your babies safe, as she has now broken your trust by lying. Her constant undermining has caused your kids to become extremely ill and it’s concerning that she doesn’t care.

Going forward though, it’s YOUR responsibility to keep them safe. Don’t take her word for it anymore - she has a track history of lying to suit her. She obviously doesn’t take their condition seriously so you need to woman - up and protect them, even if it means awkwardness from her

The person we were visiting has dementia and forgets a lot of info to do with their health

I would go batshit, yes.

The arrogant bitch thought she knew best and now you have to suffer the consequences. I'm not sure I would have my child around her again to be honest. She could not give less of a shit about your baby's welfare. Her behaviour is disgusting.

Ahh ok. In that case I would have checked with their careers/nurse.

No YANBU but your MIL definitely has been. I really hope that she has learnt from this experience and that your baby recovers soon.
BTW there is a vaccine against shingles for older people so this situation is preventable.

I wouldn't go batshit. No point.

I wouldn't talk to her or return any messages for months and months.

Was the rash on her hands, or somewhere that touched the baby?
How long after the visit did the rash appear?

Poor babies. I would be upset if mil lied.

Shingles an be horrible, my husband had it when I was pregnant with ds3. He was advised to cover up and carry on as someone said above which he did and ds1 and ds2 avoided catching chicken pox from him despite being in close contact, so I wonder if your little ones picked up the bug elsewhere?

Of course that doesn't make it better really.

Shingles is only contagious if you come in to contact with an open blister or fluid from a blister. Given that you didn't see the rash youself it is unlikely that they caught chicken pox this way. It really could have been from anywhere.

The rash was on his wrist but when I asked what it was mil spoke for the grandparent and said it was dermatitis and they'd always had it... I've since googled what shingles looks like and realised it was that. They also only held the baby who caught chicken pox so I definitely know it was from them.

Chicken pox is infectious before the rash appears, so this is a definite possibility as well.
But this does prove your point that your dcs need to be protected from known contacts who are unwell and the fact they are isolating themselves with sore throats does show more consideration.