to think my 2 year old's behaviour is extreme?

[Ivehadtonamechangeforthis]

My DD is 2.5 years old. I'm worried her behaviour isn't normal even for a two year old. I've spoken to four different health visitors and they've all said it's normal but I'm finding myself transforming from someone who never shouted or lost my temper to now I feel like I spend half the day shouting :(

This morning, I took my DD to a toddler group so she had 1.5 hours of running around inside and out and thoroughly enjoyed herself. Since coming home she's repeatedly pushed her one year old sister over, rocked the highchair with one year old in it until she pushed it over!! Pushed the airer full of clothes over repeatedly and threw clothes around the room. Climbed on toys and table continuously until she eventually slipped and fell off and hurt herself. I start off by telling her calmly to stop doing whatever it is she is doing and I explain why and it eventually escalates until I'm shouting because she just smirks when I tell her to stop doing something.

I noticed at the toddler group she was the only one who wouldn't sit to the table for juice and biscuits and kept running around the room.

Normal?

one of my boys was very "dynamic" and at that age I coped by having an iron routine during the day, including 2-3 hours activity in the morning (yes, that much! running/walking etc.), lunch, TV for an hour then 1-2 hours quiet time in his room, then out again, then dinner, bath, bed by 7.

The later I put him to bed, the harder it got.

I became a very rigid parent, but the cast iron daily routine really got me through this phase. It seemed to be what my kid needed (though at heart I am an easygoing hippy, I ended up as super nanny )

i don't think it matters whether it is normal or not

Well, I think most of us would like to know as soon as possible if our children had SN of some kind that meant we needed to support them differently. I don't think OP is hoping to medicate her two year old into a stupor.

Ds needed to be busy all the time,sonic we weren't at the park he was up at the table sticking and glueing or playdough ,or drawing ( count the crayons and kept them up on a high shelf!)

** sonic? If we weren't

Looking at your routine and what you say about her sleep I'd say she is overtired. Mine get more and more active, increasingly difficult, and harder to get to sleep when overtired. It's a vicious circle. There is probably also a bit of playing up for attention going on as she will still be adjusting to having to share you with a sibling. It's a big deal to a small child.

Do you get any one on one quiet time reading etc with just her?

I think that sounds quite extreme for a neurotypical child. I have a child older than yours who had extremely disrupted sleep from birth for a physical reason, and has always ticked every box on the hyperactivity questionnaire. It's been solved by medical intervention for the physical issue, and he's much calmer (and sleeping through - yay!).

Especially in smaller children, that level of physical hyperactivity can be attributable to poor sleep.

It may well be that the difficulty settling, and the early waking, are actually attributable to overtiredness rather than not needing that much sleep.

I'd work really hard on sorting that out - rule out any physical reasons for tiredness (eg is she a snorer - could it be that there's sleep apnea going on?), then maybe get some expert advice from a clinic like Millpond.

I've seen a colossal difference in my child with the sleep sorted.

One more book to recommend: Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting. Like most of the other good ones, it helps you focus on the positives while giving good strategies for dealing with bad behaviour.
FWIW, that sounds like a difficult toddler, but well within normal range.

Sounds totally normal.

I was also told a lot that my 2 year old was normal. He's 8 and being assessed for autism. I am not saying your child is autistic, of course, but here are a couple of ideas that worked well with DS and are perhaps a bit different to the norm.

• explain less. When DS is stressed he can't process language very well. Explanations of why we mustn't do xyz go over his head and further stress him out. Just a very clear no.
• visual timetables, so he knows where he is going now and next. Maybe even photos of people he'll see.
• if about to hit, bite, push etc, try offering a different physical stimulus such as a hug. This sounds bizarre but worked much better than distracting with a toy. Sometimes they do physical things because they need a big sensory input.
• strategic car journeys after lunch to "force" a nap if tired. That's pretty mainstream though!

I think there might be something in the overtired explantion, especily if she doesn't sleep well at night too.

Can always tell when mine need a snooze when they are throwing things or crying for no reason.

I've been told when i was small i used to run round all over the house when i was tired trying to keep myself awake.

I think there is somerhing in the overtired/over stimulated explanation as well. I'd maybe swap one of the toddler groups for a long walk in the park, that way she gets lots of positive one to one attention with you and its a calmer environment to let off steam than todfler group (baby will hopefully nap/be chilled in pushchair)

Look up Hand in Hand Patenting, a really different approach that really works, and saves your sanity.

Short, immediate punishment such as naughty step, chair turned away from the table, remove toy for five minutes. Don't reward bad behaviour with attention but do try to reward good behaviour with attention when possible.

Coupled with the sleep thing yes it could be within the realms of something like ADHD, however, the problem with thinking anything like that is that at this age there is literally no difference between a child on the challenging end of normal and a child with ADHD. What makes the difference is whether they grow out of it or not - and most children absolutely do.

My advice for dealing with it would be the same anyway - it's all just about immature development of skills.

Hi how’s your daughter now ? ☺️