Duvet wars

[WaxyBean]

DH has just put the winter duvet (9 tog) on the bed because he has been cold at night. I on the other hand have woken up multiple times in the past 2 nights under the winter duvet dripping in sweat.

He refuses to move back to the summer duvet - either wearing more clothes or with another single duvet over him or to consider having separate duvets. He also doesn't like it when I open the windows more than a crack. Any other suggestions? His answer at the moment is for me to suck it up. I can't sleep on top of the duvet as it's not warm enough and sleeping with my legs/feet out isn't stopping me from overheating in my sleep.

Any suggestions oh wise ones?

I'll spare you the drama we have about the thermostat every winter, though fortunately not this winter yet. He insists on having the heating on at 22c all night - even though he kids and I can't tolerate it.

9 tog would be a summer duvet here. However we haven't put the heating on at all yer. Even when we do have the heating on the thermastate is set to 21 and is off at night. It's not healthy to have it on all night.
Your husband is being ridiculous

Why should the whole household bow down to his demands?

22 bloody degrees all night!! Wtf. No wonder you're sweating your tits off. The radiator in our bedroom is switched off. My sinuses couldn't hack the hot dry air.

winter duvet of 9 tog?
Sorry op, laughed at that. Ours is 13.5 tog and I have our old duvet of 13.5 tog folded in half over my side. And an electric blanket.
I'm just about warm enough.

We have a split tog king size duvet which works for us and is in use all year round. My half is 10.5, his 4.5. I just wear thinner pjs in the summer, (and thick fleece ones, a jumper and bed socks in the winter!). He mostly sleeps in just boxers or thin pjs.

It's not winter yet, it is still warm!

Winter is gloves weather.

How about a wool duvet? It's supposed to adjust to different sleepers in the same bed.

We tried the wool duvet when I started overheating at night (perimenopause), it didn't help and it's really heavy, so if you like light, fluffy duvets it probably isn't the answer.

DH is always cold, but I am happy with the summer duvet almost all year, unless it's way below freezing. I think two separate duvets is the answer, or separate beds if he's stubborn!

DP and I are the opposite - I feel the cold, but he is really warm at night. We've got the 4 tog duvet on at the moment, and I have a wool blanket over my side on top of the duvet. Last year we stuck to the 4 tog all winter, with me adding extra blankets as needed.

"winter duvet of 9 tog?
Sorry op, laughed at that. "

I know! We have a 12 tog duvet for all year round, except when it's really cold in winter when we swap it for a 15 tog one. Plus an electric underblanket if it's perishing. We don't have the heating on at night, though, and usually have at least one window open.

We don't have the heating on at all night either, that would be far too hot even for me!

Having separate duvets pretty much saved us from bedtime arguments/separation/murder. It's totally the best thing ever.

And if you have a double each, you can go visiting each other

Thanks all - some useful perspective. Maybe I'll have to grow a backbone and insist on a single duvet. He reckons we won't be so close if we don't share a duvet and that separate beds and rooms wouldn't be far behind (I wish!)

The heating isn't on yet as it is still reasonably warm at night so not quite at 22c at night. And I usually win that battle by turning the heating off before i go to bed. But it is unpleasant to say the least when he turns it up to that level, and the environmental and financial costs do bother me. I will be stronger on that point too!

Oh and I do like the solution of 2 duvets inside one cover - inspired!

If he refuses to have separate duvets I'd get a separate duvet and tell him to suck it up. The fuckwit.

Tell him that separate rooms will be more likely if you're both miserable. 2 duvets. He might moan at first, but will soon be converted after noticing it makes no difference in "closeness". As was DP. I hate the "wind tunnel" effect between two sleepers and one duvet. Makes me cold. Not to mention the tug of war! Grow a backbone now!