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AIBU?

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Original poster

Duvet wars

66 replies

WaxyBean · 10/10/2017 07:24

DH has just put the winter duvet (9 tog) on the bed because he has been cold at night. I on the other hand have woken up multiple times in the past 2 nights under the winter duvet dripping in sweat.

He refuses to move back to the summer duvet - either wearing more clothes or with another single duvet over him or to consider having separate duvets. He also doesn't like it when I open the windows more than a crack. Any other suggestions? His answer at the moment is for me to suck it up. I can't sleep on top of the duvet as it's not warm enough and sleeping with my legs/feet out isn't stopping me from overheating in my sleep.

Any suggestions oh wise ones?

I'll spare you the drama we have about the thermostat every winter, though fortunately not this winter yet. He insists on having the heating on at 22c all night - even though he kids and I can't tolerate it.

OP posts:
ForgivenessIsDivine · 10/10/2017 08:05

He needs to look at why he is so cold, how is his diet, does he wear enough clothing when he is both in the house and not in the house?

A wool duvet could well help with temperature regulation for you both...

cjt110 · 10/10/2017 08:06

LTB Grin

lalalalyra · 10/10/2017 08:11

No need for single duvets, just you use the summer one with the excess hanging off and he can keep the winter one with the excess hanging off his side.

Separate duvets are the key to a happy marriage imo. We'd have had to be in separate beds if it wasn't for the duvets.

Also, there's nothing for him to "consider" in you having a different duvet. You want a lighter duvet, you have a lighter duvet.

Has to be said though - you have bigger problems than a duvet. My DH would have the heating on all night, however me and the kids wouldn't. So he accepts he's not some sort of household god and goes with the majority. The fact your DH ignores you and the kids about something that actively makes you uncomfortable is pretty major imo.

hootatoot · 10/10/2017 08:12

You can get split tog duvets like these www.theduvetstore.co.uk/index.php/His-Hers-Partner-Duvets/View-all-products.htm

Would that work?

Ceto · 10/10/2017 08:12

What on earth is his objection to single duvets? And why on earth should you just suck it up rather than him? After all, if he's cold in bed he could just wear another layer or two rather than insist that you overheat. He sounds thoroughly selfish and he needs to learn that other people besides him matter.

DanHumphreyIsA · 10/10/2017 08:15

Why does he refuse dept duvets?

I have a blanket, DH has a duvet. It's kingsize, so I scrunch 'my' side of it up to him and it creates a side pillow for me.

What would he do if you just used another duvet or a blanket?

DanHumphreyIsA · 10/10/2017 08:18
  • separate duvets not debt!
TheSockGoblin · 10/10/2017 08:21

Why won't he consider two separate duvets?

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/10/2017 08:22

Two Duvets is the only solution - and not singles, a double each. It's the only thing that stops me murdering DP in his sleep (he who also insists on never opening a window, and using a ridiculous tog duvet, but then will turn around and cocoon himself in the whole thing the moment it's cold so I'm huddled under one corner freezing unless I have an emergency blanket.

2 Duvets. Just do it.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 10/10/2017 08:28

Wow, he's being a bellend, isn't he.

What does he wear in bed? Heating on 22 and winter duvet? That's not normal or healthy.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 10/10/2017 08:29

Oh, and as to the thermostat, get thermostat valves on the radiators in the kids bedrooms, and just turn theirs down at night so they don't get too hot.

For you, make sure your side of the bed is the opposite side to the radiator, and that's about it (plus the separate duvets of course)

What possible say can your DP have over the duvet covering you? What on earth does it have to do with him if you use a different duvet?

cornflakegirl · 10/10/2017 08:30

I'm the cold one, and I have a single electric blanket on my side. I'm also outnumbered on the thermostat war, so I wear slippers and an extra jumper. And a thick dressing gown.

Fluffyears · 10/10/2017 08:30

9tog isn’t a winter duvet, in our house that’s summer. Maybe you need heating off and a 13.5tig instead.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 10/10/2017 08:40

What tog duvet is irrelevant, it's the selfish arse refusing to be considerate about it that's the problem.

AtlanticWaves · 10/10/2017 08:44

Agree with PP - he doesn't get to decide for the whole house.

We have a king sized bed and 2 double duvets. Pratically from day one of sleeping together because DH rolls himself up in his duvet leaving none for me.

QueenJane · 10/10/2017 08:45

My DH complains about being too hot. I've just put the extra toggage on our feather duvet. It's now 13.5 and is sum lime. If he has an issue with it he can sleep elsewhere Grin

QueenJane · 10/10/2017 08:46

*sublime Hmm

maxiflump1 · 10/10/2017 08:49

What about one of these?! One duvet with 2 separate togs. Smile

Duvet wars
AdalindSchade · 10/10/2017 08:49

How does he get to veto every solution? You know that's not normal behaviour right? That's bordering on abusive and definitely controlling

Mamabear14 · 10/10/2017 08:50

Would he actually notice if you just changed the duvets over while he was out? I would do that. Or get an electric blanket for his side. We share a duvet in winter but when it's hot and we just sleep with sheets over us we have one each so I can curl up in it.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/10/2017 08:53

2 single duvets of different togs and sew them together?

Let me guess who'd have to sew them together.

tocas · 10/10/2017 08:55

Definitely use both duvets - he is being very unreasonable saying you can't. If he's going to fall out with you over it then that's a bit pathetic imo.

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/10/2017 09:12

22 degrees at night, wow. Ours is set to 21 in the day and 16 at night, and I have Reynaud's syndrome (or really rubbish circulation) and we always have a window open for the fresh air, even if it makes the room colder.

We also have a high tog duvet and a double electric blanket with individual settings for each side. Maybe your DH could cope with something like that and separate duvets?

He is being extremely unreasonable to dictate how YOU should sleep when it only suits HIM. Especially as the thermostat being so high will affect the entire household

MY CACTUS IS SHRIEKING...

19lottie82 · 10/10/2017 09:15

9 tog is not a winter duvet! Shock

peachgreen · 10/10/2017 09:19

Your DH's sleeping arrangements are my idea of hell. DH and I's winter duvet is 4.5 tog, the heating is only on for an hour or so in the evening, and we still have the window open most nights!

Separate duvets are the only answer.