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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was pretty rude!

56 replies

Henrythehoover · 09/10/2017 17:24

I work in a small office with another woman. She was talking about how her son's tv had broken and he couldn't afford another one for a while. I have a spare one which I offered a spare one I have for the time being until he could afford a new one. It has all the connectors for modern stuff but is very basic. She said that that would be great and I agreed to take it in for her. She then comes back from her lunch break asking if it was hd and when I said I didn't think so she replied " he said he only wants hd as once you've had that you can't go back to regular tv!" Aibu or does that seem a bit rude. I wasn't asking anything for it and she could have just said no. Maybe it's just me but talk about being fussy.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 09/10/2017 17:57

Not rude. It would be rude to demand HD but you offered, she checked and it was declined.

I am not sure that declining something offered is rude. If it is, we are all guilty of it surely?

How is this rude?

Wishingandwaiting · 09/10/2017 17:58

Not rude in the sightest.
Just honest. Saving you the hassle.

Wishingandwaiting · 09/10/2017 17:59

Not particularly sensitive way of expressing herself, but at least to the point!

woodhill · 09/10/2017 17:59

She wasn't tactful.

She could have said

I really appreciate your offer but you know what teens are like etc

pictish · 09/10/2017 17:59

Greyhound he'll just get one on HP or credit (and get himself into debt over it) but he won't go without a telly I bet you.

SaucyJack · 09/10/2017 18:02

"Holding out for the cutting edge version didn’t make one materialise in front of him, did it?"

His problem to solve. Clearly he's happy to wait until something more suitable comes up within his limited budget.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 09/10/2017 18:03

She was rude in the way she spoke to you, but not rude in not accepting the TV.

pictish · 09/10/2017 18:07

I don't think any of it was rude. The woman basically explained that he wanted something else. What's wrong with that?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 09/10/2017 18:08

Yes rude, surely any tv is better than none it wasn't like he was buying it. I think you need hd for PS4 and stuff like that but she could have still been a bit more polite, it made her sound a dick repeating what he said.

liz70 · 09/10/2017 18:09

"Actually, my son being the fussy sod he is, he probably wouldn't want it if it weren't HD, but thanks for the offer anyway!" = not rude.

Reply in OP = if not downright rude, then certainly ungracious.

Have people become so obsessed with being direct that they've forgotten how to be polite? Good manners aren't that complicated, are they? Confused

ittakes2 · 09/10/2017 18:10

While it was kind of you to offer - if he's not going to use it - it would be better she is honest with you rather than you lugging it in and her lugging it home for it to just sit there unused!! Better to be honest than be polite and for you to go to that effort for nothing!!

Cel982 · 09/10/2017 18:15

Of course she was rude, there were lots of more polite ways she could have declined your generous offer.

NotAgainYoda · 09/10/2017 18:15

Very rude

pictish · 09/10/2017 18:18

Of course none of us heard the entire conversation...but anyway....

Cornettoninja · 09/10/2017 18:23

On the face of it I reckon rude and ungrateful.

It wouldn't have been rude to say thanks but my stuff won't work with it if it's not HD.

Bit uppity for someone begging a new tv if you ask me.

pictish · 09/10/2017 18:24

Who was begging?

Original poster
Henrythehoover · 09/10/2017 18:25

I think I chose the wrong word she was telling me how he was moaning all weekend about not being able to watch in his room and I said I had a spare one if they wanted to use it. I thought he was a teenager but turned out he's a 30yr old who lives with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Henrythehoover · 09/10/2017 18:26

Like others have said it was the way she said "once you've had hd......"

OP posts:
MyLittleDragon · 09/10/2017 18:30

It's not rude to not want an item for whatever reason but her bluntness was rude. Ideally she'd have said "he's got sorted out with something from a friend/ebay" or whatever. Otherwise he has judged your gift/offer and found it lacking. Which is fine behind the scenes, but if she had manners she wouldn't have passed that reason on.

thecatfromjapan · 09/10/2017 18:43

On a serious note ...

You work in a small office, do not make the mistake of 'having it out with her' of seething with resentment. Let it go. You've had a vent on MN - and that's fine - but just forget it.

And ... are you sure it's not that it's hurt your pride? You offered a TV to someone you thought needed one but she effectively said, "My son doesn't think it's good enough," which, of course, sounds a lot like: "You don't have a good enough TV."

That's not what she said. Her son turned down the TV. You don't know her that well anyway (you didn't know her son is actually 30), so don't turn it into a source of turning a fairly distant working relationship into an unpleasant one.

I'm sure you're not going to do that.

And, again, it was nice of you to offer your spare television.

Ilovetolurk · 09/10/2017 19:03

YABU OP

She was only relaying what her son said. Best to be truthful than end up with an unwanted household item

I personally like to tell the truth no need to worry what excuse you came up with at any given time

MyLittleDragon · 09/10/2017 20:09

ILoveto - but does the colleague have no filter/common sense?! Anyone with a modicum of intelligence would have realised op might be offended as her TV isn't good enough so it would have been nicer to give a different reason instead, with the same result of declining the unwanted item but that didn't offend a kind person's offer.

TractorTedTed · 09/10/2017 20:23

I guess I'd say ungrateful rather than rude.

Also, I'd say it's very different to the curtains example mentioned by a pp. The TV was never going to be a permanent fixture in his house, just something he could borrow until he could afford to buy exactly what he wanted.

I clearly don't know enough about TVs, because to my way of thinking, even a 'substandard TV' is better than no TV...

Maddy70 · 09/10/2017 20:28

Wow yes very rude, but he probably wanted it for his Xbox so needed the modern connections

Original poster
Henrythehoover · 09/10/2017 20:45

My children have used it for their Xbox so it works with that. It doesnt really matter anyway. I was just feeling a bit touchy today and that rubbed me up the wrong way. I'm not to worried she's a lovely lady I think I'm just used to people just saying no thanks.

OP posts: