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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? To want to hear the other side

63 replies

BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 15:42

There is lots of talk on MN about the 'Wendy' and how they stole a persons friend. I would like to hear from a so called 'Wendy' and hear their side.

Also why does the orginal close friend fall for a 'Wendy's' charms leaving the 3rd friend out in the cold?

OP posts:
paxillin · 09/10/2017 16:56

I was the original friend. I jumped at the Wendy. Original friend was almost a stalker, the Wendy was a bloody relief of an excuse.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 17:01

no @yogi just more of a curious thing as to how people think and act. I have a little personal experience as well although slightly different as OF introduced NF to our orignal group of 3.

OP posts:
Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 17:02

but hasten to add I think there are always reasons otherwise there must be some right bad b@@ds out there Smile

OP posts:
Atenco · 09/10/2017 17:03

As it is new friend fell out with both of us over different things and turned out to be a bit full on so kind of wish we'd never been introduced in first place

Sorry, OP, for not being able to answer your question, but the only real-life wendying I ever saw was a friend of my adult dd, lets call her Wendy. They had an amazingly intense friendship for about nine months and then she decided she preferred dd's other friend, Sara, and they both started bad-mouthing and excluding dd. They went on to develop a really intense friendship. A few years later, we ran into Sara who had since had a major falling out with Wendy. So the comment about "a bit full on" really struck a chord.

thebear1 · 09/10/2017 17:04

I was friends with someone and introduced her to another friend at an event. She then texted me asking for friends number so she could invite her to a night out. One she then didn't invite me too. Decide it was no loss and left them to it.

thebear1 · 09/10/2017 17:05

Forgot to say, I don't think the Wendy in the situation would think what she did was quite rude.

Witchend · 09/10/2017 17:07

I think most of the time it is simply that new friend comes into established group. Established group see NF as someone who needs a little encouragement to get fully involved, plus also a bit of a novelty (like the new girl at school) so invite to everything.
Then they discover actually they like NF for themselves and want to spend time with them. In some cases the NF finds they rather like being the centre of attention and play up to it, perhaps being a bit needy to keep people on board.
The Original friend, feels left out-no one ever gave them this attention or feels that NF should spend more time with them than the rest of the group and either withdraws or perhaps starts complaining to others about NF, or goes but makes snide comments/looks grumpy. So the group start not wanting them around.

However I have seen (from outside really) a situation where a new friend does come in wanting to be centre stage (or more often her dc to be centre stage) and basically pushing out any people that won't allow this. It's done a bit like a cuckoo removing the rivals from the nest, one person at a time and with constant and persistence attack. Mostly the other people withdraw rather than fight back.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 17:11

@thebear1 I agree that was rude!

OP posts:
Bucketsandspoons · 09/10/2017 17:13

Planning an article OP?

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 17:14

@Bucketsandspoons no article just curiosity actually someone else asked that and I replied Smile

OP posts:
beelover · 09/10/2017 18:07

I always assumed it came from Peter Pan. Tinkerbell was his number one friend until Wendy came on the scene and she was pushed out. I may have just spent too many years working with under fives though Grin

RebelRogue · 09/10/2017 18:42

I agree with PP that in most cases the groups are shit to begin with and there's some kind of bitching,moaning behind people's back.
Then new person arrives and depending on the type of personality they are,the group dynamic will change.
As the newbie in a group more than once I've witnessed this many times. Even groups within the groups.
Then the new person gets blamed for shit stirring(when speaking out) or stealing friends when a fall out was imminent anyways.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 18:59

Could be from Peterpan perhaps thats why the first person named her a Wendy!

OP posts:
Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 21:56

Any more for any more ?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 09/10/2017 22:48

Any more for any more ?

Hmm Looks like PP who said ‘journalist’ was probably right.**

tiredbutFINE · 09/10/2017 23:05

When I got wendied it was very much by someone who had to turn the friendship group against me though. Not just that we were less friendly and she happened to get on with my mate/s.
I ended up really left out, it felt very schoolyard. Everyone stopping talking when I walked in the room etc. Left out of lunches. She had to have an "enemy". To be fair at some point everyone got a bit fed up of her and drifted back to me.
And in any case she was fairly batshit and a few years down the road she had wendied them/bled them dry/disappeared.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 23:11

Would a journo not say and then ask the question ?

OP posts:
Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 23:12

The turnover of threads is huge

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 09/10/2017 23:16

I think I was a Wendy in a group where another woman's name actually was Wendy. Friend introduced me to two of her friends. One called Wendy.
We all got on well. Original friend took exception to this and sent the three of us to Coventry.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 23:18

You would think Wendy an uncommon name but cropped up a fair bit lol

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 09/10/2017 23:19

I have no problem with being wendied. I've introduced loads of friends, some are how best friends with each other. I like it.

Original poster
BAHH00 · 09/10/2017 23:20

@coatalcommand is that because they don't leave you out of stuff ? Or just cos you are so laid back ?

OP posts:
Yoplate · 10/10/2017 00:15

I want to Wendy someone. Met her through a local mums' app, got on ok, saw one another a few times. Bumped into her with her SIL in the park and SIL nice. Bumped into SIL in corner shop and turns out she lives right near me. I like SIL more than orig woman, but can I now meet up with SIL? Is that Wendying?

Atenco · 10/10/2017 03:51

I like SIL more than orig woman, but can I now meet up with SIL? Is that Wendying?

I don't think it is unless you spend your time bitching about the original friend.

BeachyKeen · 10/10/2017 04:20

I was accidently a Wendy. Initial stages of a friendship . I wouldn't take it back though, because me and other friend have now been best friends for 25 years. First friend and I never made it from acquaintance to real friend, because the better I got to know her the less we had in common.
Other friend and I were very opposite on the surface, yet clicked, and as time went by , we had more and more in common (views, beliefs, ideals - not things like money or marital stuff).
These things happen